Laugh it Off
by ValFish
Summary: Everything is fine. Sirius is only dating horse-face, I'm too fat for my jeans and then there's the issue of losing my best friend. It's great. It's fantastic. It's year six. Marauder era. OC/Sirius, OC/Remus and James/Lily. Rated T for strong language.
1. Insanity

A/N: Hi, all! So this story is one that I've posted on HPFF and just decided to also post on , since it's the one that I tend to focus on most.

Title: Laugh it Off

(Full) Summary: Everything is fine. No, Really. My best friend is trading me in for a boy who can't spell his own name, Sirius Black is dating Horse-Face McKinnon and the button to my jeans broke off and hit a first year in the forehead. It's all fine and dandy! Right, now, you were saying?

Era: Marauders

Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize from Harry Potter, nor do I make a profit off of this story.

Rating: T

Warnings: Use of strong language.

* * *

CHAPTER ONE  
Insanity

I took a closer look this summer, and I discovered that my life was way more messed up than I could imagine. I was sixteen, with problems up to my ears ranging from being too fat to fit in my jeans to how the bloody hell I was going to come up with the money to pay for all those books.

There were two solutions that I saw: 1. Get a job. 2. Go on a diet. I picked one. It wouldn't have been too bad, if it weren't for the fact that scooping ice cream all day was a pain in the neck without a wand.

I really hated pretty much everyone who came into the shop. For example, this morning, my last day of summer, mind you, the only customers I had were Marlene McKinnon and her boyfriend, Sirius Black and then some other guy I'd never seen before. Forgetting I think Sirius is hot, so that makes me bound to hate his girlfriends, Marlene McKinnon was a bitch. Straight, simple and to the point. We shared a dorm.

Of course, since Marlene was too skinny for ice cream, she had one scoop of lemon sorbet. Call me a fat-arse, but sorbet isn't even in the same league as ice cream.

"Can I help you?" I asked the next people in line after Sirius, frowning at his one scoop of chocolate, and Marlene.

"Yes," said the man in front of me, simply staring at the flavors. "I'll have lemon sorbet."

I almost rolled my eyes. _Almost. _What is it with people and their stupid sorbets? None-the-less, I scooped up the frozen lemonade and handed him the cone. He paid for his pathetic excuse for a dessert and left the shop.

The rest of the afternoon passed by with a few drifters here and there, and before I knew it, it was time to close up shop. I called my boss on my way out the door, giving my thanks and telling him to remember to lock up.

I walked out into Diagon Alley, which wasn't too busy, mostly because term started tomorrow and everyone had already bought their supplies. There wasn't any need for me to remain there any longer, so I began to walk to the Leaky Cauldron, where I stayed this summer to keep up with my job. That and get away from a house full of men who don't know anything about hygiene.

My mum died when I was eight, so it's just been my dad and my two older brothers, Devon and Raffie. We lived just outside London, in a house that was old and not very well kept. Devon was two years older than me and Raffie was one. Merlin only knows how old my dad was.

Devon had just graduated from Hogwarts and was trying to study to become an auror. To tell the truth, I didn't think he was quick enough to be one, but he was certainly determined. Raffie was entering his last year at school and had been complaining about how it wasn't fair he had to go back and Devon didn't.

Honestly, boys.

Devon was in Ravenclaw while he was at school and Raffie was in Hufflepuff. I was in Gryffindor, just like my mum. It was really my goal in life to make her proud, even though she wasn't exactly around anymore.

I finally made it into the Leaky Cauldron, where I said goodnight to Tom, the bartender and went up to my room, exhausted, but still having to pack up my trunk. Stupid procrastination.

That was the problem with being responsible for myself that summer. I had to make sure I got up on time, went to work, held my tongue, didn't use magic, but most importantly didn't forget the train.

I was late for the Hogwarts Express the very first time I came to Hogwarts. Barely made it on in time, and I had to sit in a compartment with my brother Raffie, who was none too happy about that. He got over it, but only after Devon told him he was being a toss-pot.

I smiled at those memories. I really did like school. I wasn't an expert on anything really, or exceptionally gifted, I just felt at home in that castle.

I also loved my friends. I adored Alice Collins, who I considered my best friend, and got on pretty well with Lily Evans, who I swear is the most beautiful girl on the planet without knowing it. Although, after five years of James Potter telling her that, she really ought to have known by now.

I wish I had a guy chasing after me like that. I've never had a boyfriend, you see. It wasn't that I didn't want one, it was just that no guy had ever given me a second look. It was always just 'she's okay looking, I guess,' or 'maybe if she wasn't so chunky.' I wasn't _that_ fat. I only had a little meat around the edges, really. But I suppose I can't really sort myself into any category.

I was pretty average looking. I had carrot-colored hair that was always just a little too long for my face, but I was too stubborn to cut it, and green-grey eyes that were sensitive to daylight first thing in the morning.

* * *

I wasn't a morning person: that was for sure. The sunlight that was coming in from the curtains hurt my eyes, and the worst part was I couldn't do anything about it. Granted, I had been up for an hour moping about; getting dressed, finishing the packing and all that, but still, there was never a reason to be up before noon in my opinion.

I finally finished stuffing my trunk and sat on it to close it before turning to look at my reflection in the dusty mirror. I had actually bothered to do my makeup and hair today because it was the first day of term, but I looked relatively plain. I was wearing a little too much eye shadow in a dark color, and my hair was in a low bun, with my freshly-cut bangs hanging out. I chose to wear jeans and a jumper with a hood that was a grey-ish color.

My alarm clock started ringing, stating that it was ten-thirty and I needed to get my arse down to King's Cross. I took my wand from the counter and shoved it in my pocket before grabbing my bag and trunk and briskly walking out the door. I really hoped I had everything.

I thundered down the steps of the Leaky Cauldron until I reached the bottom, and waving good-bye to Tom, bolted out the door, afraid I'd be late. I was going to have to take a muggle cab to the train station, so thankfully I had sent my owl, Christopher, along ahead of me. I can't tell you how many weird looks I've gotten from people regarding that bloody bird.

I walked down to the corner of the street, knowing that getting a cab in the alley would be impossible and sat down my trunk. I couldn't wait to get back to school. I was excited to see my friends, and thrilled that I had been named commentator for this year's Quidditch season for the third time in a row. I loved Quidditch. I didn't play; I had an irrational fear of heights, but I loved watching.

I was finally able to hail a taxi and climbed in. "Kings Cross station, please," I told the driver, who mumbled something and drove off after I had paid the fare. I always pay ahead of time because I tend to forget.

The ride to the station seemed unusually short, and when I staggered out into the sunlight, I knew why. The tosspot had dropped me off at the other side. Cursing under my breath, I grabbed up my trunk and began to walk very briskly to platforms 9 and 10.

"Thanks, buddy," I mumbled as the taxi drove away, putting up my middle finger to the arses of the world.

* * *

After much walking, I made it to Platform 9 ¾ just in time. 10:55 was really cutting it close. There were only a few stragglers left getting on the train, including my brother Raffie. I waved at him and he sort of gave a twitch in my direction. Sometimes that boy really is thick.

Anyway, now my main objective was to get on the train in time, so I did just that, dropping off my luggage in the luggage train, and stepping on the Hogwarts Express, dying to see my friends.

I had barely stepped on the platform when I heard yelling.

"JAMES BLOODY POTTER! I WILL MURDER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP IF YOU SO MUCH AS BREATHE AT ME THIS YEAR! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

Well, at least I knew that Lily had made the train.

"I DON'T CARE! GO BACK TO WHATEVER HOLE YOU CRAWLED OUT OF! AND TAKE YOUR STUPID EGO WITH YOU!"

I did my best not to smile as I started towards the voice. I came upon a head full of fiery red hair, and another of short and spiky black hair. "Alice! Lily!" I exclaimed and the two figures turned around.

"Elsa!" Alice all but screamed, throwing her arms around me. "God! How was your summer! Where were you? We were supposed to meet on the platform, remember?"

"Sorry, there was this giant mutated duck that came out nowhere and started mauling me. You know how it goes."

Lily frowned, but I knew that she couldn't resist my odd explanations as she hugged me.

"So, I see you've found James," I said casually. Lily cleared her throat awkwardly.

"Can the whole train hear me, then?" she asked, seemingly afraid of the answer.

I shrugged. "Yeah."

She groaned and tugged on my arm into the compartment. Mary McDonald was already sitting in there. I didn't really know Mary that well, but she seemed nice enough and was good enough friends with Lily. Alice and I tended to hang out with the boys while Lily and Mary dated them. Marlene, who was our other dorm-mate just snogged them and then crawled back to Sirius Black.

Speaking of the devil, there he was, leaning causally at the door of our compartment with that stupid cute smile on his face.

"I'm sorry, did I miss the memo about it being 'stare creepily at lovely girls while trying to be charming' day?" I said to Sirius, who just continued to smile.

"I don't know about the lovely part…"

Alice, who was sitting in the seat next to the door, stomped on Sirius' foot.

"Ow! I was only joking! And I'm here to ask if you've seen Marlene," Sirius explained, standing up straight.

"No, why would we. You don't remember that she hates our guts. Mine especially? Besides why do you _want _to find her?" I asked Sirius, who surprisingly had no retort.

"Hey, Elsa, you should really try and be nice to Marlene this year. Who knows, maybe she's changed," Lily encouraged, a sweet smile plastered on her perfect face.

Alice and I exchanged looks before bursting into laughter. To my surprise, so did Sirius.

"Are you insane?" Alice managed to choke out, "She's hated us since before we met!"

I looked at Alice with a serious face. "Hey. Maybe Lily's right."

Lily brightened up at the prospect of me agreeing with her.

"Maybe she finally had that stick that's shoved up her ass removed."

Alice and I roared with laughter again as Lily shot us dirty looks and Mary placed a dainty hand over her mouth to stifle the giggles. Sirius, who had been laughing, suddenly had a –forgive the pun- serious expression on his face as Marlene McKinnon came into the compartment, her horse-like face frowning and glaring.

"Aha ha ha…Oh, shit."

* * *

End Notes:

Yeah, so that's the story that I've been using as an excuse to not update my other ones. But Elsa is my favorite OC character I've created thus far, so I think that diving into her world is just more appealing to me than any of my other stories, which WILL be completed... at some point. But anyway, I thought that I'd just re-post this fic here while I'm at it.

So, what'd you think? If you wouldn't mind terribly, leave a review on your way out!

Thanks!

-ValFish


	2. Fat

A/N: Hello again! I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed, subscribed to or added this story to their favorites! Amazing!

Title: Laugh it Off

(Full) Summary: Everything is fine. No, Really. My best friend is trading me in for a boy who can't spell his own name, Sirius Black is dating Horse-Face McKinnon and the button to my jeans broke off and hit a first year in the forehead. It's all fine and dandy! Right, now, you were saying?

Era: Marauders

Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize from Harry Potter, nor do I make a profit off of this story.

Rating: T

Warnings: Use of strong language.

* * *

Chapter Two: Fat

I wasn't exactly sure _why _I'd bothered even apologizing to Marlene after the feast. She just responded with the usual: "Shut up, chubs. No one wants to hear your flabby opinion."

Genius, that one is.

And I retorted with a typical: "At least my face doesn't scare small children."

At least she never fails to be terribly predictable. Marlene has been calling me 'chubs' since second year. It never really got to me, but time breaks you down and this time I felt this weird sort of dropping feeling in my stomach when the words flew from her big mouth.

But I shrugged it off with a laugh and went up to the common room to join my friends.

"Licorice," I said to the Fat Lady, who swung open with a sigh because it was getting close to being after curfew.

The common room was still rather busy, despite the time. "Lily darling, I do believe that your one-man fan club has devised yet another plan to gain your affection," I told Lily, who turned around to scan the room for James.

When she discovered James, or his half-witted companions, for that matter, were not around, she frowned.

"Ah, see, he's growing on you!"

Lily smacked the back of my head as I backed away. "Hey, hey!"

Everyone was apparently rather moody this fine evening. I decided that the common room wasn't so fun anymore and went off to find Alice.

I was almost out the portrait when I heard my name being whispered. I shuffled closer towards the open hole and pressed myself against the wall.

"Shut up, Frank! Elsa's not that bad, honestly."

"Oh, come on, she's a big-mouthed whale."

"Only some… Okay, most of the time."

A large set of giggles followed this exchange and I was ready to sock it to the tosspot that was talking about me.

I waltzed through the portrait and was met face to face with Alice Collins.

I didn't have anything to say, for once, so I gave Alice a look of disgust and stormed down the staircase, barely pausing till I reached the bottom.

I was greeted by the honest-to-God last people I wanted to see.

The 'Marauders' as they called themselves, and I, had only a small history. In first year, during our first mock Quidditch match, James Potter hit me with the quaffle, leaving quite the bruise. He felt really bad about it, but I told him it was fine and that the bruise would convince people that I was a badass. Of course, being an eleven-year-old boy, he gasped at the curse and came up with a plan. I was going to punch him and give him a black eye so it looked like we had been fighting. Our plan, sadly, was disbanded by McGonagall and we both got detention.

Sirius Black has been my secret crush for years. There is no denying he's incredibly lovely, but I think he's kind of a prat sometimes. I met him officially in second year when we were potions partners. And, of course, both being terrible at the subject, we managed to create a substance that crawled out of the cauldron and began slithering around the room. To this day, Professor Slughorn has no idea what it was.

Ever since then, Sirius and James have consulted me on various things. Especially when it came to Charms, because they are both dreadful, and that was the only 'Outstanding' mark I got on my O.W.L.s.

Remus and Peter I didn't know quite as well, but Remus seemed very nice and Peter was just that kind of annoying buzz you learn to ignore after a while.

"Elsa, darling!"

James Potter, tall, dark and handsome, Sirius Black, arrogant tosspot, Remus Lupin, kind soul and prefect, and Peter Pettigrew: annoying lump, were all four standing in the hall, looking slightly guilty. Any other time I would have rolled my eyes and asked just what the bloody hell they were doing, but I was so angry and hurt by Alice that I didn't care.

I cleared my throat. "Er, hi. If you'll excuse me, I was just leaving."

James raised an eyebrow. "You don't care what were up to?"

"No, not particularly, no," I said, a faint sigh escaping my lips.

"And why might that be?" Sirius inquired, taking a step as to block my path.

I pushed past him. "Why don't you ask your ruddy girlfriend?" I called over my shoulder, sounding a little more harsh than perhaps necessary.

"What's up with her?" I heard James ask his friends. This was followed by a slapping sound, cluing me in to the fact that Remus had just smacked James upside the head.

"She's obviously upset you dingbat!"

I wish I could laugh at those four tonight, but everything had gone from bad to worse so far and it was only the first evening.

Ever since I could remember, Alice and I had been friends. We stuck together. Now she was suddenly more interested in the likes of Frank Longbottom and trash-talking me than being my best friend.

It's totally logical you see. It happens to everyone except for me apparently. I'm talking about young love: where you'd rather hang out with the boy who really just wants to get in your pants than your best friend of five years.

Thank you, teenage hormones.

It was nearing ten-thirty when I left the castle for the grounds, forgetting the detention leaving would certainly earn me.

Whenever I needed to take a break from school, I came out to sit by the lake and just think. I know I wasn't the only one, but I highly doubted that anyone would be dumb enough to try to come and talk with me.

I sat down in the damp grass, half wishing I would have changed out of my uniform before sitting, and stared at the lake and the moon.

Hogwarts really did just have this calming effect on everyone I knew. I could be angry and fuming one minute, and totally fine the next. But now I wasn't either.

I couldn't really be angry with Alice. I was more hurt that she was talking about me behind my back. And none-the-less about something she knew I was sensitive about. And we hadn't even been back a whole day yet.

There is this misconception among my friends and fellow students that I am a happy person. The truth is, it hurts when I look in the mirror. I don't like what looks back at me. So I figure I have to have a good personality if I'm going to be ugly on the outside.

Of course, some would argue that my personality is not so wonderful and that I'm a mean-spirited bitch who laughs at people out of pure spite. They would be wrong. I laugh at people so I can laugh at myself. Which is harder to do that one might think.

"Elsa?"

I looked up to see Alice staring down at me with a guilty glint in her eyes. I diverted my attention to a particularly bright star.

"Look, I'm really sorry, I don't know what I was thinking."

I stood up. "I do," I stated through gritted teeth.

Alice put her hands on her hips defensively. "You do. Really?"

"Yeah. I understand completely. You've been lying to me for the past five years about everything. 'No, of course you don't have a big mouth'," I imitated my best friend in a mean tone.

"Now listen here-!"

"No, you listen. I'm not going to hang out with people who think I'm a big-mouthed whale as Frank so kindly put it. I'm sorry that I ever messed up your life in the first place. I assure you, love, that it wont happen again."

With that I stormed off, wiping tears I refused to cry from my pudgy cheeks.

_Fuck the world_, I thought bitterly as I trudged down the steps from the girls' dormitory. As far as I was concerned, anyone who got in my way today could go die in a hole.

My shoes were untied, one sock was up and the other down, my hair was pulled back hastily and my makeup was smudged and carelessly applied. My uniform was hardly at McGonagall standard; my shirt untucked from my skirt and my sweater that was tied around my waist. I hadn't bothered to put on a tie this morning.

After I had come up from the grounds last night, carefully avoiding Filch, I had snuck into the girl's dorm as quietly as possible. I didn't want to talk to anyone at that moment, but Lily Evans had caught me anyway. Sometimes that girl is too nosy for her own good.

I politely told her to bugger off and stumbled into our bathroom, where I began the harsh task of washing all my makeup off.

After I had, I re-entered the room to see Alice and Lily talking in hushed voices. When they saw me, Alice drew the curtain. To be honest, I couldn't care less. I was too tired and too hurt to be bothered that Alice was possibly turning everyone against me.

I guess if she does than I'll just fake illness and transfer out of school.

The common room seemed to be irrationally quiet as I showed my morning face to the world; all quiet except for James sodding Potter and Sirius bloody Black.

"Get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, love?" James called as I walked by.

"Is there ever a right side for our dear Elsa in the morning?" Sirius added, smirking handsomely. Damn that boy and his good looks.

"No," said James, smirking.

"I think we should start telling McGonagall that we don't want to sit in class with her in the morning."

"Ah, of course, we know she's particularly vicious without proper rest."

"Well if she wasn't out traipsing around the grounds at midnight, maybe she would be a little perkier in the morning."

"I'd say not, judging by the fact that it looks like a particularly vicious stampede of Rhinos have trampled over her makeup," James added.

"When'd you get the black eye?"

"Fighting with the hippogriff she offended with her mug."

"No, I don't think a hippogriff would dare come near that thing, especially not on a fine morning like this."

"I'd say hippogriffs wouldn't dare come near her if-!"

I punched James Potter in the nose.

And I regret nothing.

The first Quidditch match of the season was like Christmas for me. This year it was like the world had caved in and Jesus himself was laughing in my face.

Thanks a bunch, God.

"_And James Potter passes the Quaffle off to Alice Collins! What a shot! Next time why don't you try aiming for her hand and NOT her head!"_

"DeLestrade!" McGonagall barked at me, her icy green eyes telling me I'd better stick to being a neutral party.

"_And here comes Sirius Black armed with the bat and an ego the size of the stadium. This should be interesting, all. What's this? Black has hit the Slytherin's Seeker! And down goes Regulus Black! Ouch, that's going to hurt in the morning!"_

I could almost feel the glares radiating from the stadium. I didn't understand why everyone was turning on me all of a sudden. Last year I bad-mouthed everyone and even McGonagall said nothing.

You know it's bad when your head of House is on the enemy side. Lately no one had been cutting me any slack. Figures they'd all side with Alice. Not one person was with me. And it sucked. A lot.

"_And Marelene McKinnon has caught the Snitch! Gryffindor wins!" _ I tried my best to be excited and then hastily left the stadium.

I was about to retreat to the library, where thankfully, none of my, er, friends would dare go when I bumped into something solid.

"God, I'm so sorry, I should watch where I'm going," I sputtered out, not bothering to look at the poor victim.

"It's fine, no worries," the guy said, standing at his full height again. It was Regulus Black.

"Hey, are you okay?" I asked hesitantly; I hadn't tried talking to people other than from my own house, maybe the Slytherins didn't hate me. "I mean Sirius got you in the stomach pretty hard."

Regulus laughed; he sounded a lot like Sirius. "Yeah, I'm fine. That was a good line about his ego. I think he needs to deflate his bloody head sometimes."

I smiled along. "Yeah, just a little."

"Just a tiny bit?"

I laughed out loud and looked up at the youngest Black. I don't know what the bloody hell Sirius was talking about; Regulus was nice! "I don't know if his horse-faced girlfriend could take it."

"Marlene? Oh, I'd say her face is a little bit more like a baboon's backside."

We both chuckled and he held out his arm. "Accompany me to the library? I have to return a book. Pince is always on me about that."

"Sure." I took his arm and tried to shut out what I thought I was feeling.

Regulus Black was amazing. He was funny and adorable and overall just not who I had expected him to be.

When we got to the library, we sat at a table in the back and he pulled out the chair for me. I'm all for gender equality, but I feel like it's still the guy's job to be a gentleman.

"So, tell me, how hard is O.W.L. year really?" He asked, smiling slightly.

"Honestly, it's awful, but I didn't study until the week before, so I'm probably not the best person to ask," I explained and he chuckled.

"Well then I guess I'm a step ahead because I've studying since last year."

We both laughed. I didn't understand anything I'd ever heard about him now. And the other plus? He was cute. Regulus had hair a little bit shorter and lighter than Sirius' and his eyes were friendly and a deep blue.

Oh Merlin, I think I like him.

"Do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me?"

Yes, I think I definitely like him.


	3. Drunks and Dreams

A/N: Okay, so I know it's been a while, but school is really killing me this year, so I don't exactly have all the time in the world to update. But thanks for the lovely reviews from last chapter, and I do appreciate the honesty of some. It's nice to know people know how to criticize without flaming. But anyway, thanks for all your patience with this, I really do appreciate it!

Title: Laugh it Off

(Full) Summary: Everything is fine. No, Really. My best friend is trading me in for a boy who can't spell his own name, Sirius Black is dating Horse-Face McKinnon and the button to my jeans broke off and hit a first year in the forehead. It's all fine and dandy! Right, now, you were saying?

Era: Marauders

Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize from Harry Potter, nor do I make a profit off of this story.

Rating: T

Warnings: Use of strong language.

* * *

Chapter 3: Drunks and Dreams

When I came back to the common room, I felt a bit better, so I threw on some jeans and a jumper and decided what I really wanted to do was make up with Alice. And maybe apologize to James for punching him.

The common room was busy, since everyone had finally made it up from the match and were now celebrating by having a party. There were red and gold streamers hanging from the walls and banners with Gryffindor lions and there was firewhisky. That was the most important part of any Gryffindor party. It wasn't any fun until someone got roaring drunk.

For example, the best was last year when shy, quiet and reserved Mary MacDonald was slipped some alcohol and started pouring out secrets like they were pumpkin juice at breakfast.

And to add insult to injury, she got on top of the armchair and tried to do an Irish Jig. However, her idea of this was to jump up and down on the arm of the chair and yell "IRISH! IRISH IRISH IRISH!"

Peter Pettigrew quite literally peed his trousers that night, along with about half the common room.

I don't know where all this booze comes from, but I'm not complaining. Although it was quite nasty when McGonagall stumbled upon poor Mary in the morning. The detention and reprimanding she received, Alice and concluded, was why she was such an uptight goody-two-shoes all the time. We guessed she's still trying to make up for that night.

I finally spotted Alice sitting on the couch with Lily and _gag me with a spoon, _Marlene McKinnon. As soon as she saw me coming, she quickly struck up a conversation with Lily and looked away from me.

"Alice, can I talk with you for a bit?" I asked confidently, just praying that she would hear me out.

Surprisingly, she pursed her thin lips, but finally said yes. She followed me out of the common room and we slumped against the wall next to the Fat Lady.

"Can I just go on without you interrupting for a minute?" I asked, crossing my ankles in front of me.

Alice nodded, so I went ahead. "I'm sorry. I want to sort this out with you and I should have listened to your apology. I'm just a bitch and I'm tired and cranky and I need a nap and a chocolate bar and a diet all at the same time. Let's face it, you were a bitch, I'm a bitch, hell, Frank's a bitch. I don't care that you even said those things anymore. The only thing now is that I want to just forget it ever happened because I'm bored and lonely. I love you, you're my best friend and it's been too long and I miss you so much it hurts. There, I'm done incoherently ranting."

Alice started to laugh. I didn't know why, but if you can't beat them, join them. In compliance with that, we both started laughing like madmen.

"I'm sorry too."

And that was all we needed to say. I felt so much better.

Illegal drinking, here I come.

_"It's called death, Elsie. It means she's not coming back."_

_ I look up and see a younger version of my father, and another one of myself. _

_ "But why, dad? Where did mum go?" The little me asks._

_ My father leans down to my level. "She's gone, love."_

_ "Where did she go?"_

_ "Some evil monster took her away. This monster took her away because it was meant to be," My father explains, looking me in the eye._

_ "No. You said she was sick! You said she would get better!" The little version of me screams._

_ "I know I did, I know," my dad says, and there are tears forming in his eyes._

_ "You lied," I whisper. "When is mum coming back? Where is she?"_

_ "She's not coming back, Elsie."_

_ "NO! WHERE IS SHE?" _

_ "She's gone."_

_ "YOU LIED!"_

_ "I didn't mean to."_

_ "I hate you."_

_ My father turns and leaves the screaming child that is me wailing in anguish on the ugly carpeting. _

_ "I WANT MUM! YOU LIED!"_

_ Regulus Black then entered the room, wearing a sly grin. He sat next to the child form of me. I couldn't bear to watch this-!_

I woke up with a start. I hadn't dreamed about my mother in almost seven years. Sometimes I think I forget about her. But I guess bad feelings bring back bad memories.

"Elsa?" I looked around to see that I was still in the common room. I must've fallen asleep in here.

Sirius Black was looking at me in an odd way. And my head hurt like hell. Then I saw the empty firewhisky bottles and understood why. I must've gotten drunk at the celebration party and fallen asleep.

"Hi," I said lamely, clutching my head.

Sirius hid a smirk, then turned –forgive the pun- serious as he looked me in the eyes. "Are you okay? You were talking," Sirius stated, his gaze not wavering, "in your sleep, I mean."

I looked up at him and did my best to smile. "Really? What did I say?"

Sirius cleared his throat and sat down in the red armchair next to the couch I was occupying. "You kept saying 'no' over and over again. And then, then you kept calling for your mum."

My fake smile faded with any happy feelings.

"What was it about?" he asked in a voice I had never heard before.

I cleared my throat awkwardly. "Uh, nothing. Goodnight, Sirius," I said quickly before attempting to stand up and falling promptly back on the couch.

I looked like I didn't have a choice.

Damn it.

"My mum," I finally said, holding my head.

"What about her?" Sirius asked in a low voice. "You sounded pretty upset."

I shifted uncomfortably on the sofa. "I was dreaming about the day my dad told me she died. That's probably where the 'no' came from. I didn't believe him. I thought it was all a joke."

Sirius furrowed his eyebrows. "I'm sorry."

I sighed. I'd been getting this for years. "Don't be. She was sick and in pain, it would have been cruel for her to keep living."

There was an awkward pause before Sirius spoke again.

"You said something else as well," he said offhandedly, "You said 'Regulus'," Sirius spat out his brothers' name like it was poison. "Do you even know him?"

I swallowed nervously. "We talked today, after the match, actually."

"Don't get involved with him," Sirius stated. "He's a prick."

I shook my head. "I don' think so, actually," I said, frowning, "He seemed really nice."

"That's the key word there, love, _seemed._" Sirius leaned back in his chair and had an unreadable expression on his face.

I wasn't planning on listening to Sirius, to be perfectly honest. I barely knew the bloke. And even if he _was _right, which he isn't, why would he care?

"What time is it?" I asked abruptly, cutting the silence.

Sirius shrugged. "I dunno. But the party ended about an hour ago."

I raised an eyebrow. "So why are you still here, then?"

"Well, I believe we were just talking and James and I kind of were the ones who brought the firewhisky, so we have to be the ones to clean up the evidence," he explained, a slight smile playing on his lips.

"Was I the only drunk?" I asked hesitantly. Lord, I hope not.

Sirius bit his lip.

I groaned and rested back on the sofa. "What did I do?"

James Potter poked up behind me and answered the question I had directed at his best friend. "You told everyone that you'd had a crush on old Sirius here since first year, then you-"

"Wait, I _what?_" I gasped, praying James was kidding.

James bit back laughter. "-told Remus he'd look rather dashing as a snail. Oh, and you also apologized for breaking my nose, and, after tonight, I have to say apology accepted."

I looked at Sirius, then back at James.

All I could manage to spit out was "_Fuck!_" before I stumbled back up to the girl's dormitory, hung-over as hell and wishing tomorrow would crawl in a hole and die.

After an hour or two, I deduced from the fact that I hadn't managed to fall asleep at all that by the time I had come up from the party last night it was nearing five in the morning.

By six-thirty Lily Evans was already up and swimming and I was telling her to shut the bloody hell up because I had a sodding headache.

And, being typical Lily, she told me to stop using such nasty language and that she would see us at breakfast.

She's too damn nice for her own good.

After deciding there was no point in sleeping, I stumbled into the bathroom to take a look at my face.

My mascara was smeared all over my face and someone had done me the favor of drawing on a moustache on my upper lip. I wanted to smile at that, but my vision was a little blurry from lack of sleep so I wasn't sure if the line was actually there.

Sighing, I took a makeup wipe from the vanity and began to scrub at my 'facial hair' and excuse for eye makeup before giving up and turning on the shower.

Now usually I test the water before getting in the shower, but this morning I guess I forgot. So naturally, the water was painfully cold.

I'm sure that the ideal way for the Gryffindor tower to wake up was not me yelling "_MOTHER _FU-!" at the top of my lungs before I knew what I was saying and put a hand over my mouth.

It's just never my day, is it?

By the time I had adjusted the shower to the correct temperature, I had remembered it was actually Sunday, so I had no reason whatsoever to get up in the first place.

Then, after I had changed into my pajamas and crawled lazily back into bed, I remembered this was also the first Hogsmeade weekend.

"Shit!" I exclaimed, throwing off the covers and consequently waking Alice.

She sat up groggily in bed and rubbed her eyes. "Bloody hell, Elsa, where's the fire?"

"I have a date for Hogsmeade! That I've completely forgotten about. Oh, Lord! I don't even know what to wear!" I practically shouted, throwing open my trunk and rummaging around for a clean shirt and jeans.

Alice chuckled. "Don't worry, I'm on it," she said, getting out of bed and shuffling over to my mess.

She managed to pull out a pair of my old bell-bottoms and a Puddlemere United jumper.

"What if he doesn't like them!" I said, throwing the jumper back at Alice and taking up a plain black sweater instead. "What if I offended him?"

Alice rolled her eyes and sat down on my bed. "I don't mean to be rude, love, but you're acting strangely out of character. You haven't said anything remotely offensive or sarcastic to me since I got up. Now who are you going with?"

I swallowed. "IgotaskedbyRegulusBlack…" I slurred, hoping she wouldn't press the matter.

Alice's eyes were wide. "REGULUS!" She exclaimed. "Are you bloody insane?"

"No, of course not," I stated defensively, "He's really nice, for your information. He asked me after the Quidditch match. I was supposed to meet him at 9 this morning. Speaking of which, what time is it?"

"Do not try and change the subject with me, Elsa Marie DeLestrade. He's in Slytherin."

"Well we weren't exactly talking yesterday, Alice Sarah Collins, and no one in Gryffindor has asked me in six years. So I'm going to take what I can get. Now are you going to help me or not?" I retorted over my shoulder as I stepped into the bathroom to put on a dab of makeup.

"He's a jerk Elsa, I know he is! Just ask Sirius!" Alice called.

I rolled my eyes and continued applying my mascara. What did everyone have against the poor boy?

"I'm not talking about it!"

An hour and a half later, I guess I figured out what everyone else was telling me, because after sitting on the steps waiting for Regulus to show up, I was reminded why I'm the funny girl.

He stood me up.


	4. Emotional Capacities

A/N: So. It's been a while... Anyway, if you've seen anything on my profile, you'll know that I lost my beloved flash drive, and therefore quite a lot of work. However, this story is actually published on another site as well, so I can actually continue to update normally for about 4 more chapters. Then I have to start from scratch again. Anyway, I am SO sorry this took so long, but hopefully you'll enjoy this!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

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Emotional Capacities

I don't know how long I sat on the steps outside of the Great Hall, but it must've been a while because I could hear people galloping down the steps.

Just bloody fantastic.

James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew.

I didn't even have a snide remark for that.

"Jesus, Elsa, you shouldn't really sit in the middle of the steps," said James, faking a trip over me.

"Ha ha," I said through sniffles I had done a poor job of disguising, looking at James. "I'll keep that in mind next time some lunatic almost runs me over."

James raised an eyebrow. "Why are you even sitting out here? Everyone else is in Hogsmeade."

I looked away and stared at the ground. "Why aren't _you_ in Hogsmeade?" I asked quietly, ignoring James' previous question.

James smiled and then sat down next to me.

Oh bloody hell.

"I asked first," he said with a smirk. Sirius and Remus sat next to their friend, but it seemed that Peter had been hungry enough to leave for the Great Hall.

"I, erm, well, to be honest I got stood up," I stated, trying to sound indifferent.

James crinkled his nose. "Tough luck," he said, then, grabbing Sirius by the arm, dragged him away into the Hall.

Remus chuckled beside me. "I suppose you've figured out he has the emotional capacity of a brain-dead cockroach, haven't you?"

I smiled despite myself. "It's a wonder that Lily doesn't want to go out with him."

Remus laughed. "You should join us for lunch. Although by the time we get down there they'll probably have eaten everything."

"Sure, why not. After all, a fat girl can't say no to food. It's in my DNA," I said lightly, but frowned when I noticed Remus' expression.

"You shouldn't say that," he said simply.

I shrugged. "Fat is a descriptive word. I don't take it offensively. You wouldn't be offended if I called you tall, would you?"

Remus sighed. "I suppose not. But still. I don't think you're fat."

I snorted and got up from the steps. "I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing. Besides, I can eat whatever the hell I please. If I want a pumpkin pasty, I'll have a pasty. You know Marlene? She wouldn't touch anything worth more than ten calories with a forty foot pole."

"Well then, I guess we should go have some pasties," said Remus, rising to his feet. I looked up at him. Remus was really nice. I wasn't sure why we hadn't been friends until apparently right now.

Anyway, it was probably just a pity invitation, but I guess I didn't really care.

"I mean it about the tall thing, you know," I said jokingly, staring up. "How's the weather up there?"

"And I mean it about Sirius, James and Peter," he laughed, running a hand through his sandy hair, "We'll be lucky if they've left any celery."

"And then I told him that he was the most handsome monkey I'd ever seen. McGonagall didn't think it was funny." James finished his story and I was wiping tears of laughter from my eyes. I had forgotten about the time in fourth year when James, being incredibly talented at transfiguration, had turned Severus Snape into a monkey.

"So, back to you, Elsa darling, who exactly is this boy who stood you up?" James asked, adjusting his glasses, which were still lopsided.

I avoided his gaze. "Regulus Black," I mumbled, feeling dumber and dumber for listening to that arse in the first place.

Sirius spit out his pumpkin juice. "You had a date with my _brother?_" He asked, astonished.

I nodded. "Son of a bitch stood me up, but yes."

Damn Regulus Black and his false charm.

"I told you so," Sirius said under his breath.

I sighed. "Thank you, Sirius. I'm aware."

James cleared his throat. "Well, this is awkward."

"Awye Agreen," said Peter through a mouthful of tart.

Remus rolled his eyes. "I can't believe I have to tell you to chew with your mouth closed, Peter."

Peter shrugged and continued eating.

"You know, I'd love to lazy about making awkward conversation, but I do believe that Remus, Peter and I have a detention to serve this afternoon, if I'm not mistaken," said James, getting up from the Gryffindor table.

I grinned. "How is it Remus managed detention and Sirius didn't?"

"Charm," said Remus and Sirius at the same time.

Peter, James and I laughed as Remus and Sirius looked at each other strangely.

"What I mean is Sirius can sweet talk his way out of anything. Especially with Professor Airhead," Remus stated.

Sirius rolled his eyes at his friend. "Her name is Professor Airhalle, and you know it," he said firmly.

James leaned over to Peter. "Told you he fancied her," he said quickly.

"I do not!" Sirius exclaimed, now a tomato red.

"Well, we're off to detention. You two should go to Hogsmeade," said James, before quickly adding, "As friends, you know, because you both are dateless."

Sirius shot James a death glare. "No offense, of course. Now c'mon."

James, Remus and Peter retreated off to Airhalle's detention, leaving Sirius and I sitting at the Gryffindor table.

"So, who stood you up? Or has the end of the world come and Sirius Black was unable to get a date?" I asked, resting my head on my elbow.

"Me, not have a date, please," Sirius scoffed. "No, I got stood up by my own bloody girlfriend."

I bit my tongue to avoid insulting Marlene. "Oh. Well I'd say I'm worse off than you."

Sirius got up from the table and I followed. "No kidding. What were you thinking? My brother's a complete tosspot, you should really have figured that out."

"Well he's the only one that's ever asked," I snapped. "Sorry, that was uncalled for," I added as we left the relatively empty Great Hall.

"Really? I would have thought people would be lining up to ask you," Sirius said. I wasn't sure if it was intended to be sarcastic or not.

"I don't appreciate you not being serious about this, you know. I've never been asked out," I said, glaring.

"First off, I'm always Sirius and secondly, I don't really believe that," Sirius said in his defense as we left the castle and walked across the ground.

"Well, believe it. To most of the school's male population, I'm second best to the Giant Squid," I sighed, staring at the Black Lake. "But I guess I don't care. Now all I want to do is strangle that brother of yours. You mind?"

Sirius snorted, "Be my guest. He's a right prick anyways."

"Yeah. Oh, damn."

Marlene McKinnon was headed in our direction, her face drawn in anger and her brown eyes looked like they were going to burst from their sockets.

"SIRIUS!" Marlene screeched across the space before becoming face-to-face with Sirius.

"Just what the bloody hell are you doing with her?" She fumed, pointing directly at me.

Sirius sighed. "We're friends, Marlene, friends talk."

"Don't you lie to me, Sirius Orion Black."

That was it; I lost it. I burst out in furious laughter.

"Your initials are S.O.B!" I chocked out.

Marlene just stared at me, but I could tell Sirius was trying his damndest not to laugh.

"I'm sorry, this is so inappropriate, I'll just leave…" I trailed off, turning around. "S.O.B., that's a riot."

I was squealing like a moron.

I doubt that anyone _didn't _know that Sirius Black had broken up with Marlene McKinnon. After it happened, Marlene came storming into our dormitory, so angry that she was cussing with words _I _didn't even know.

Mary MacDonald, being the neutral party in our dorm, was the one who had to tell her that Sirius was an obnoxious arse.

Not that I disagree, but I certainly wasn't going to say it to make Marlene feel better.

This is where the whole 'people just automatically assume I'm a bitch' would be coming from.

Ah, well, better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you're not. Or in my case hated for what you're not.

But that's debatable.

"I told you, they're only going to be off for a week or so, and then Sirius and Marlene will be back together like PB&J," Alice said, the noticing my expression, added, "Forgive the horrible analogy."

"Of course," I replied, bowing. Alice and I were on our way to dinner, then she was going to meet Frank Longbottom in the library and I was going to wait behind a dark corner to hex Regulus Black.

Probably not, but a girl can dream.

"Oof! Watch where you're going, dipshit," Alice said as a figure with dark hair deliberately knocked her over.

"Oh, it's _you _two," Marlene McKinnon stated, standing directly in front of us, hands on her bony hips. "Come to mock me?"

I shrugged. "Love to, but I'm a tad bit hungry. Can't just be calling people out on an empty stomach, you know."

Marlene rolled her eyes. "Figures. Chubs has to eat before she can hold a civil conversation."

"I highly doubt any of our conversations are _civil, _Marlene. Or since I'm 'chubs', maybe I should call you 'bitch'."

Alice stuck her tongue out at Marlene and we continued into the Great Hall.

I sat at my usual spot, third seat from the end, and Alice sat across from me. Mary and Lily usually sat on either side of us and James Potter did his best to sneak in next to Lily, which sometimes landed us sitting with _them. _

Today, for instance, James sat next to Alice (one seat away from his 'love') and Sirius plunked down next to Mary, Remus sat on my other side and Peter sat on James' free side.

Sirius then decided we would have 'teams'.

"What the bloody hell does that mean?" I asked, taking a sip of water (I'm wasn't fond of pumpkin juice).

Sirius grinned. "Well, our obviously superior side against their inferior waste of a bench."

Alice frowned. "I still don't get the point."

"That is the point. There is no point," said Sirius, "You see, the goal is to always be on _my _side. For example: Mary, Elsa, Remus and I are all on the winning team. James, Peter, Lily and you are all on the losing team."

Lily reached across the table and hit Sirius upside the head. "You're an idiot," she said simply, and returned to her food.

James shrugged at Sirius apologetically. "She's got a point, mate."

Sirius frowned.

"Don't worry, Sirius, I think it's a good plan," said Mary, too flirtatiously for my liking.

Sirius smiled. "I know, I know."

Sirius and Mary spent the entire dinner flirting back and forth. I thought I was going to blow a gasket at any minute. Not to my surprise, Remus also had a look of hatred for Sirius. I always knew he kind of had a thing for Mary.

So, I came up with a plan. An amazingly brilliant plan that was sure to work. I had to corner Remus in the corridor after dinner to explain, but I'd hoped it'd be worth the effort.

"Listen," I said quietly, "I know you fancy Mary."

Remus instantly blushed. "I do not," he said indignantly.

I rolled my eyes. "Let's be real here, Remus. I like Sirius; we all know that. You fancy Mary. We also know that. I vote we play sabotage."

Now, the Remus everyone thinks they know would have dearly opposed this suggestion. The new, more jealous Remus, however, heartily agreed.

"Let's do it, then. But how?"

I thought about this for a moment. I hadn't planned that far ahead, as I was kind of counting on him to say no.

"I don't know," I replied.

We both stood there in thought until suddenly there was a bolt of inspiration in the form of a familiar argument between James and Lily.

"James," we said in unison. If anyone knew how to try to make people jealous, it was James Potter.

"You know, Moony, I thought you'd never ask," James said as the three of us walked up to Gryffindor Tower. "I was beginning to think you'd given up."

Remus blushed and I laughed.

"But really, James, do you think it'll work?"

James put on a look of mock astonishment. "Why Elsa, are you doubting the great James Potter? Of course it will work. Like I said, all you two have to do is go out."

"Okay, but what do you mean by that?" I asked, clearly more confused than Remus.

"You know, go out. Hold hands, Remus here has to carry all your stuff, sit together, go to Hogsmeade. Merlin, have either of you been paying attention the past five years?" James concluded.

"Right. So when do we start?" I asked Remus, who shrugged.

James shook his head sadly. "Tomorrow is Monday. Next Hogsmeade weekend isn't until the end of October. So I'd say you have a week to flirt, then Remus, you ask Elsa out after class on Friday."

So this leaves me in an awkward situation. I have to pretend to flirt, with Remus, who I barely know, and then fake go out with him. To make Sirius jealous.

I see two problems with this.

One- I like Remus okay, but really only as a friend. And I'm a horrible actress.

Two- I don't know if Sirius even likes me.

Merlin, it's going to be fucked up if he doesn't.

"Well, I guess I'll see you two in the morning," I said to Remus and James, who nodded and retreated back down the stairs.

Half of me wanted to know what they were doing.

But sometimes with James Potter, it's better not to.


	5. Sabotage

**A/N: So for once, I've updated on time! Impressive, no? No, not really, since this chapter's literally been written for ages. Anyway, read on! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Sorry.**

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Chapter 5: Sabotage

Today was Tuesday, four days away from being Friday, and one hour away from being lunch time. And of course, since I was so hungry I could pass out, my last class just had to be potions.

"Miss DeLestrade, I think that you and Miss Collins are not a good match after all, I'm afraid," Professor Slughorn said, looking at me and Alice, as well as our potion from last class that had now sprouted teeth and was gnawing at the cork in it's bottle.

I wasn't about to argue with that, considering that at any moment our assignment could potentially break loose and kill everyone in the room. Although having thought about it, Marlene did look like she could use a haircut…

"I'll switch with Alice," Remus offered casually from behind me. "Unless you have a better recommendation, sir."

This was one of the plus sides to the whole sabotage plot. Remus was basically the smartest chap in year six, so if he opted to be my partner, I reckoned that I could probably expect wonderful marks for as long as this lasted.

"No, that's perfect. Miss Evans, you'll be with Miss Collins, then and Mr. Lupin and Miss DeLestrade can work together. Now, today we'll be brewing…" Slughorn continued as I zoned out and took my seat next to Remus.

"Thanks," I whispered, "But do we really have to sit in the second row? Potions is when I take my nap."

Remus chuckled beside me, but didn't bother moving. "I think you'll live, Elsa. And maybe if you spent the class working you and Alice wouldn't be skating just above the Troll mark."

"Well at least I'm trying to work with the plan. You're lousy at this flirting thing, you know that?" I hissed back, all while trying to adjust my pile of books to the best height to sleep on.

"You're not so hot yourself. Now pay attention," Remus retaliated, turning his attention back to Slughorn.

Why couldn't Sirius be my fake soon-to-be boyfriend?

Oh wait, he couldn't be since he's sitting in the back corner snogging Mary.

Damn it.

I kicked Remus in the shin, since he apparently didn't understand the concept of 'psst'.

"Ouch," he grumbled. "What?"

I nodded in the direction of the back of the classroom.

Remus tensed beside me. "What are we supposed to do?" he asked in a hushed voice.

I thought for a moment.

Remus thought for a moment.

Nothing.

Great.

Just great.

* * *

"Sirius, Mary, if you two would be so kind as to not snog at the table, I'm trying to eat," James said, sighing as he turned away from Sirius and Mary who were very involved with each other at the moment.

"For once, I agree with Potter," Lily added, aiming a kick at Sirius under the table.

I was too busy concentrating on not hexing Mary into oblivion to bother with stupid retaliations to the fact that Lily had not, in fact, kicked Sirius, but had nailed me pretty hard in the knee.

Ah, well, sometimes I just have to tough it out.

"Lily, damn it, will you stop kicking me?"

Or not.

"Sorry," she mumbled, clearly embarrassed.

Poor Remus was hunched over Peter Pettigrew's homework, furiously scribbling away, trying to distract himself from the lovely couple.

I hate to say it, but I liked it better when Sirius was dating Marlene. At least then they were at the other end of the table.

After Sirius and Mary got a little too loud, I decided I was done with this and flicked some mash into Sirius' hair.

This, of course, had the desired effect and the two quickly broke apart as Sirius ran a hand through his normally pristine locks. Which were, to his credit, quite gorgeous, but now contaminated with my lunch.

"James! What'd you do that for? Come on, Mary," Sirius grumbled, taking Mary's hand and leaving the table.

James looked outraged.

"Sirius! That wasn't me, I swear!" James called after the retreating form of his best friend to no avail. "Elsa, while I appreciate the gesture, I'm disappointed I didn't think of that myself."

I shrugged. "I'm sure you would have thought of it eventually, love."

James sighed. "I think I'm losing my touch."

"I don't think you had any touch to begin with, Potter," Lily said, getting up from the table. "I'll see you later, Elsa."

"Bye Lily," I said automatically.

"Goodbye, Lils. Hey, where's smart-ass number two?" James asked, referring to Alice, who was indeed absent from the table.

So observant, that one is.

"With Frank Longbottom," I sighed. "Apparently they had a 'date'."

James grinned.

Now, most people would run away at this point, because whenever James Potter grinned like that, it meant trouble.

I reckoned that if something was going to do potential damage to me, it would have done so by now. So I stayed put.

"I think Remus and I have some business to attend to," James said, still smiling mischievously. "Come on, Moony, we're going to the library."

"That's a first," Remus mumbled, closing the textbook and handing it back to Peter, who continued to eat without looking up from his mountain of food.

"See you in Defense," James called as he and Remus left the Great Hall, leaving me with Peter.

Thanks, guys.

* * *

"So Elsa, do you maybe want to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?" Remus asked as he, James, Alice, Lily and to my displeasure, Sirus and Mary, and I ate dinner.

"Oi! What about the-?"

Lily kicked James under the table, with much better aim than previously.

"Ouch, Lils. Hey, will you kiss it and make it better?" James said, batting his eyelashes in a rather girly manner.

Lily rolled her eyes and continued to eat.

I think he's growing on her.

Back to the question.

"Sure, I'd love to," I answered Remus, who smiled.

I'd have to thank him later.

To be perfectly honest, we were both God-awful at the flirting thing. So now we could skip that, for the most part, and Sirius and Mary were both witnesses.

Wonderful.

"So Alice, I hear you and Frank Longbottom are going out now," James said casually.

Alice picked up her goblet calmly, and right as she was about to take a sip, poured the contents onto James' head, promptly got up from the table and left the Hall.

"Don't worry, we'll find her," Lily said, patting James' head. "And I'm sure your beloved hair will dry."

"But probably not!" I added on our way out as James sat there, dumbfounded.

I do love to mess with people.

Lily and I semi-jogged to catch up with Alice, who, from what had just transpired, was apparently having boy troubles, which called for some girl time.

"Alice!" Lily called as she finally came into sight. "What happened?"

Alice bit her lip. "He-he-"

Poor thing dissolved into tears before she could finish the sentence.

Lily put an arm around her and we walked back up the common room, pausing only for the Fat Lady, and on to our dorm.

"What happened, Al?" I asked, sarcastic tone gone.

Alice, who was now sniffling, sat down on her bed. "I saw Frank snogging someone before dinner," she said, looking at her fingernails.

"Who?" Lily inquired, taking a seat on the opposite bed.

Alice mumbled something inaudible.

"Speak up, love," Lily said gently.

"Marlene McKinnon," Alice repeated in a bitter tone. "Marlene bloody McKinnon."

"That bitch!"

Lily Evans just swore.

I need a quill and parchment to document this.

"You were too good for him anyway," I said, already racing in my mind to find methods of killing Marlene with a particularly blunt and rusty object. "And Marlene, just leave her to me, love."

Alice nodded, but it looked like she was going to cry again. Lily got to her before me and pulled her into a hug.

An idea suddenly popped into my mind.

Perfect.

"I'll be right back," I told Lily, more than Alice, who was now sobbing freely.

Poor thing.

I made my way down to the common room, determined to find the one person who would show no shame in helping me with my dilemma.

* * *

"James, I need a favor."

Luckily I had found James in the common room because I did not want to have to climb all those damn steps again.

"Let me guess, you have now decided you fancy someone besides Sirius and need to let Remus down easy," James retaliated.

"No, I need help killing Marlene," I said casually.

Because plotting murder is such a casual occurrence.

"Ah, well then, how can I be of service?" James asked, one of his famous smirks crossing his face.

"I think I want to dye Marlene's hair green. It'd go better with her personality, don't you think? Oh, and Frank Longbottom, too," I explained, sitting down on the couch next to James.

James grinned. "I'm on it."

Then, without so much as a word, James left for the boys dorms and came back not a minute later with a vile of a pinkish substance.

"Pinkington's Permanent Hair Potion. Can't get it out for two whole weeks. And that's if you're lucky. Just switch it with her shampoo and viola, you shall have the desired effect," James said, handing me the vile. "I'll take care of Frank. Although considering he is a prefect, it might be a little risky…"

"I'll put in a good word with Lily for you," I said, which was all it took to convince James.

"Smashing."

"If I may so inquire, why do you even have this stuff?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

James' grin got even wider. "Do you remember last year when Sirius was 'sick' for an entire week? Well, that's because he lost a bet."

I laughed. "I'm shocked Sirius even bet on something as precious as his hair."

"Well, to be fair, he did bet that Lily would say 'yes' to his age-old plea. I didn't think it would happen. And really, it didn't," said Sirius from behind me, jumping over the couch and taking a seat.

"Hey, there was never a rule about sarcasm, mate. She technically did say yes," James argued smugly.

"Yeah, right after she gave you a pig nose," Sirius snorted. "So what was with Alice? All I saw was the dumping of the goblet and the priceless look on Jamesie's face."

I sighed and leaned back in the fluffy couch. "She saw Frank Longbottom snogging Marlene."

Sirius frowned. "She really is a bitch, isn't she?"

"No shit," I replied. "But it doesn't really surprise me. Anyway, thanks for the dye, James, I've got to switch before horse-face gets back."

"Glad to be of service," James said, bowing, "Oh, and tell Lily about my good deed, will you?"

I smiled. "Of course."

I'm sure Lily will be thrilled.

* * *

"DeLESTRADE!"

I blinked my eyes several times, taking in the blurry morning world around me before sitting up in my four-poster.

An angry Marlene McKinnon stormed out of the bathroom door, still wrapped in a towel, sporting neon green hair.

Not forest green, or even lime.

Neon.

"DID YOU DO THIS?" Marlene roared.

I shrugged. "Yeah, and you don't have to yell, the whole castle's going to wake up."

"What's going on?" Alice said groggily, sitting up in bed. "Who the hell is yelling?"

"That would be Marlene," I said simply.

"What'sgoingon?" Lily mumbled from her bed. "Who's screaming?"

"YOU ARE DEAD, DeLESTRADE, DEAD!"

Alice began to laugh like a madman, soon followed by myself, Lily, and after another minute, Mary.

Marlene, about to explode, stormed back into the bathroom and slammed the door.

"Did you do that, Elsa?" Alice asked, stretching. "Because it's brilliant."

I grinned. "All for you, love."

Alice smiled. "Thank you. I feel much better. Frank?"

My smile only got bigger. "James took care of it."

_"POTTER!"_

"At least they'll match."

"IT WON'T COME OUT!"

"Time to get up?" I asked, not particularly wanting to be in the room when Marlene got out.

Alice nodded quickly. "Yeah."

Can I say that Marlene will learn her lesson?

No, but I can say that green is _not_ her color.

* * *

A/N: So thanks to everyone who reviewed! It's really appreciated! And to XxSarcasmAndCakexx, I just put chapter nine into validation. :)

Thanks for reading!

Review?

-Valfish

P.S. I'm really sorry that all chapters before this have no breaks in them. That must be confusing. :P So I tried line breaks with this one, hopefully it worked.


	6. Heartbeats

**A/N: I was bored today so instead of posting next Tuesday, I thought I'd update a little earlier. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Sorry.**

* * *

Chapter 6: Heartbeats

My heart was beating in my chest as if there was no tomorrow. And at the rate things were going, I was beginning to believe in that very fact. Today was Saturday.

The week had gone by, very slowly, to my displeasure, and Sirius and I had just a little over two and a half conversations. On the other hand, Remus was now my partner in every class except for Divination (he opted for Ancient Runes, lord only knows why) so I could not only count on passing the assignment, but since he was absent from class for two days, we would have plenty of extra time.

I threw open my trunk and rummaged through my clothes.

"Alice!"

I'm hopeless when it comes to looking presentable.

"Help, please," I whined, staring at my best friend, who rolled her eyes, but began to go through my stuff anyway.

In a matter of seconds, Alice had produced a black sweater, black dress and grey tights, with my red flats to match.

"I'm not going to a bloody funeral," I complained, picking up the sweater and tossing it back in the trunk.

Alice sighed. "It's not about the color. It's about the effect. Black is slimming."

Was she calling me fat?

Apparently.

"Fine, but can I at least skip the tights?"

The look Alice gave me sufficed as an answer. A walking funeral march was what I was going to wear.

I scooped up my outfit and left to change in the bathroom and put on my makeup.

Why was I so nervous? I mean, it wasn't technically a real date. Only a fake. So why was my stomach doing that thing? Where it gets all bubbly and I wash the feeling down with a chocolate bar or two…

Oh Lord.

* * *

"Are you ready yet?" I called to Alice, who decided it was necessary to take forty minutes getting ready for Hogsmeade on a date with some poor 5th year boy who had no idea what was coming to him.

Alice came out of the bathroom, wearing a significantly larger amount of color than me and more makeup than I knew she owned.

That was funny, but only because she was always mocking me for wearing so much eyeshadow.

We're such girls.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm ready. Hey, do you think these pants make my arse look fat?" Alice asked, twisting and sticking her bum in my direction.

I sighed. "No. They look fine. Now can we go, then?"

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you sound nervous. Don't tell me you are," Alice said, taking her purse from her bed and following me out of the room.

I wasn't nervous, was I?

I think I am.

Yeah, now is a good time to lie.

"No, of course not. Me? When have I ever been nervous?" I questioned as we made our entrance to the common room, "Don't answer that."

Alice laughed behind me.

I was half expecting her to see through that.

Why can't I lie like that to McGonagall?

"Elsa, darling! Don't you look ravishing," James said as Alice and I came into view. He was standing with Remus and to my surprise, Lily.

"You didn't say yes this time, did you?" I directed at Lily, who laughed loudly in response.

"Potter? Yeah, right. I was actually on my way up to the dorm when this toe-rag stopped me," she said, smirking.

James rolled his eyes. "You know you want me, love."

Lily replied by smacking him on the arm and leaving.

That girl needs to get her priorities straight.

First its all 'I want to be nice to everybody'. Next minute its 'Elsa, dear, will you help me cause permanent emotional and/or physical damage to Potter?'

It's bloody confusing.

"Ready to go, then?" Remus asked, running a hand through his hair.

"As I'll ever be," I grumbled. To be perfectly honest, I didn't really want to go to Hogsmeade today.

I didn't like being nervous. If I could avoid the feeling by not going to Hogsmeade, then that's what I wanted to do.

On the flipside, Hogsmeade has chocolate.

"You sound excited," Remus chuckled as we left the common room.

No shit.

"I'm just tired. And chocolate-deprived. I've been killing for a block of chocolate ever since I got to school and just never got around to dragging my ass down to Honeydukes," I told Remus, who was either faking attention or was genuinely interested.

Remus smiled. "That's funny, I've been thinking the same exact thing."

Maybe this'll go better than planned.

* * *

After shopping around Hogsmeade for a couple of hours, in which I picked up some much-needed chocolate, a new bottle of hair dye to pay back James, and a new scarf, I was finally settling down for a nice butterbeer with Remus, James and Alice.

"All he wanted to bloody talk about was Quidditch. He's not even on the team, for God's sake," Alice ranted. Apparently she had ditched her date and found James to bother.

"He was probably just nervous, love," I said, taking a sip of butterbeer. "I mean, you weren't exactly subtle with your whole plot."

Alice snorted. "As if you can talk. By the way, how much fun was your little 'date'?"

"I had a good time," Remus said next to me.

I nodded. "We didn't see Sirius or Mary, though. Have you seen them?"

James shook his head. "No. Come to think of it, I haven't seen Padfoot all day."

Don't get me started on their stupid nicknames. Remus is 'Moony', which is odd, James is 'Prongs', which is odder, Sirius is 'Padfoot' which is odder yet, and Peter was 'Wormtail', which was hands down the oddest. Frankly, I don't even want to know what their names stood for.

"I saw him at breakfast," Remus sighed. "And Mary."

Alice groaned. "Would it kill them to snog somewhere besides the table where we have to eat?"

We all laughed until just the very people showed up, holding hands and seating themselves at a table two down from ours.

And of course, they began to snog.

"It really is disgusting," James said, faking vomit over Alice. "I mean, they could at least do it in the back of the place."

"Yeah, but this is Sirius we're talking about," Remus pointed out.

Alice shrugged. "At least Marlene wouldn't go within two feet of our table. I hate to admit it, but she's my first choice over Mary."

James grinned.

Oh Lord.

"Hey, you two do realize that this is a perfect opportunity," James said slyly.

"For what?" Remus and I asked at the same time.

Alice laughed. "He means snogging, you two."

"I don't think that'll work as long as those two are busy sucking face with each other," I pointed out.

James shrugged. "Suit yourself. But this plan will never work if you two just stare awkwardly at each other the entire time…"

"Oh fine," I stated, rolling my eyes. Then, grabbing Remus by the scarf, kissed him.

I think this may have shocked everyone just a little bit, including myself.

Alice spat out her drink, James started laughing, but the weirdest thing of all was that Remus was kind of kissing me back.

"Whoa, when did you two start going out? Or is this just a 'friends with benefits' kind of thing," said Sirius, suddenly appearing in front of our table.

I smiled and exchanged a glance with Remus, who was blushing furiously. "Believe me Sirius, only you are privy to the great secrets of the 'friends with benefits' relationship," I told Sirius, who only smirked in return.

"What do you mean?" Mary suddenly asked, appearing next to Sirius. "I really hope your joking."

Sirius shrugged. "And if I'm not?"

Mary frowned. "I just thought you were a little above that. After all, you _have _a girlfriend. And I'm sure there's never a time when you can't get one."

"Yeah, I'm well aware," Sirius said, with a little bite to his words.

What's this? Trouble with Sirius and Mary? Oh no, of course I'm not shamelessly thrilled.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Mary asked shrilly. "What do you mean you're well aware?"

Sirius groaned. "I just mean I'm well aware! That's all I'm saying! Just stating a fact, darling."

"Don't call me darling, Mr. Friends with Benefits," Mary huffed, putting her hands on her hips.

Fine, maybe I was a little thrilled.

But I'm not going to tank their relationship because of one stupid remark.

"Mary, I was only joking about the 'friends with benefits' comment."

Damn conscience.

Mary seemed to soften up a bit with this revelation and blushed. "Er, I'll meet you back at the castle, Sirius," she said quickly before leaving the shop.

Sirius sighed and pulled up a chair to join us. "Thanks Elsa. She's a bit shrill at times, y'know."

James laughed. "Yeah, no joking. What's her problem?"

Sirius shrugged. "I dunno. She's been acting all funny since she saw me talking to Lily last week," Sirius said, then noticing James' expression, quickly added, "as friends, of course. Merlin Prongs, I'm shallow, but not that shallow."

James gave Sirius a dangerous glare, but seemed satisfied with his best friend's reaction and went back to his drink.

"So, back to my question, when did you and Elsa start going out?" Sirius asked Remus before stealing his friend's butterbeer and taking a sip.

"Oh, er, today-ish."

Great answer, Remus.

Sirius laughed. "Today-ish. Well, then."

"It's getting late, guys, we should probably head back to the castle," Alice suggested.

James nodded. "I can't afford another detention; my schedule is already a bit clogged up with two from McGonagall and one from Binns. I can't believe he even bloody expects me to stay away in his class anyway."

Remus rolled his eyes. "I think he's perfectly entitled to expect that, James."

"And I'm perfectly entitled to nap in his class."

* * *

Once we were safely back inside the castle, Lily came sprinting towards the group of us. I don't think I'd ever seen her run that fast for anything except to get away from James.

"Bloody hell, Lils, what's got your knickers in a twist?" James asked, smirking handsomely.

That was before any of us noticed Lily's pale color and nervous attitude. "Elsa," Lily began, ignoring James, "McGonagall needs to see you immediately. It's about your brother."

I felt my heart stop. "Raffie?" I breathed hesitantly.

Lily shook her head. "No, Devon. C'mon, I'll walk with you."

For the second time today my heart was pounding out of my chest, but this time it was more extreme than when the nerves had been caused by something as stupid as a dumb date.

"Bye guys," I whispered to the four behind me and followed Lily.

The walk to McGonagall's office was too long to properly bear. My mind kept racing over what could possibly be wrong. In fact, I wanted this to be a dream. I didn't care if today was all a dream. As long as my family was fine.

"I'll wait for you outside, okay?" Lily said gently, patting my arm as we reached the wooden door.

I nodded solemnly and walked inside the office.

"You wanted to see me, professor?" I asked shakily, once inside.

McGonagall took off her spectacles. "Yes. Please have a seat, Miss DeLestrade."

I took a seat in one of the chairs in front of her large desk.

"I'm afraid I have some terrible news, Miss DeLestrade. Regarding your brother, Devon," McGonagall began. She sighed. "I'm afraid your brother was attacked this past Wednesday."

I sucked in my breath.

Please don't be dead, Devon. Please.

"I don't know if you are aware, Miss DeLestrade, of a man by the name of Fenir Greyback?"

"The werewolf?" I stated, not particularly enjoying where this was going.

McGonagall nodded. "Your brother was attacked by this, this-man. On the full moon."

I blinked several times before registering what she had just said.

"I'm afraid that your brother has gained this, well for lack of better words, condition. I have arranged for you and Raphael to go home for the day tomorrow. Be in my office at 9 AM sharp tomorrow morning, please. You may go."

I stood up and tried to bite my lip to stop myself from completely breaking down in front of my Head of House. I was nearly out the door when McGonagall called again.

"Oh and Miss DeLestrade? I'm sorry," she added sincerely.

I pushed the old door open just as the tears overflowed.

"Elsa, Elsa? What's happened? Is he okay?" Lily asked as soon as I was out the door, taking my arm. "Come on, let's go to the common room."

I followed Lily, sobbing my brains out.

I wasn't thinking clearly. All that raced through my mind was: Devon, werewolf. I didn't want him to be a werewolf! I just wanted him to be my brother.

The journey to Gryffindor tower was even longer, if possible, than the one to McGonagall's office, and it was all I could do just to put one foot in front of the other. I lost track of how I had even gotten to the couch in front of the fireplace in the first place.

Luckily, it seemed that most of the students had already gone to bed, considering we had been a little late in getting back in the first place, and only James, Alice and Remus were left in the common room along with two Seventh years that were quietly talking in the opposite corner.

Upon seeing the train wreck that I was, Alice rushed over, followed by the, if somewhat unsure, Remus and James.

"Oh, Elsa, what happened?" Alice pleaded, sitting next to me and putting an arm around my shoulders.

I tried to take a couple deep breaths to calm myself down enough to speak, but even that was a tad bit difficult. I didn't really want to cry in front of James or Remus.

"My b-brother got attacked on W-Wednesday," I sobbed, not caring about crying in front of the boys suddenly, "B-By Fenir G-Greyback."

I noticed the shock on all of my friend's faces, but none more so than Remus, who had paled at least two shades. "That was the full moon," he whispered.

I nodded. "He's a w-werewolf."

"Elsa, I'm so sorry," James said, kneeling in front of me.

Lily took my hand and squeezed it. "But he's okay, right?"

"How can he be okay? He's a bloody werewolf! How is that okay? Do you know how painful for him that's going to be? My grandparents are going to die when they here about this," I cried.

"But he'll still be the same person, Elsa. It'll all work out, I promise," Lily said.

"Of course he will. You'll see Elsa," James added. Lily smiled at him.

The shock factor of that was slightly over-shadowed by the fact that my brother was now a werewolf.

Remus took a seat next to me and took my other hand. "I know it's going to be hard at first, but he'll get used to it, and eventually you'll understand too," he said.

I wish that could make it all better.

But it didn't.

I buried my face in Remus' shoulder and cried.

**

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**

**Sorry about the angst overload in this chapter, but I figured a little more drama wouldn't hurt. Anyway, I just wanted to thank everyone who's favorited or alerted this story and especially give a shout out to my reviewers! **

**And to Cheesecake15: I couldn't remember if I sent you a reply, but when I tried to (again, maybe?) my internet started freaking out at me. So to you: I'm very glad! Hope you have more in the future. :)**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Feedback is also appreciated, if you catch my drift ;) **

**-Valfish**


	7. Of Sponges and Sarcasm

**A/N: So maybe I got busy with real life. And maybe I jammed my pinky finger. I can make up a thousand excuses, but I feel like 'here's the chapter' is a better statement for all of us, no?**

**Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own Harry Potter.**

* * *

**Chapter 7: Of Sponges and Sarcasm **

I slept through the rest of the day on Sunday after I got home from St. Mungo's. Devon had looked horrible, but what was I expecting?

Raffie was unusually quiet and instead of being a good brother and telling me, the baby of the family, 'sure, yeah, everything'll be fine,' he felt the need to sit there with no expression for an hour before we went back to school.

Bloody git.

"Elsa?"

Alice? Or was it Lily?

Alice pulled back the curtain on my bed and sat on the edge. "Feel any better?" she asked carefully.

Oh yeah, everything is all good and fine now. I've completely accepted the fact my brother has lost his job, life and personality. It's just peachy.

"A little," I answered, resting my head on the backboard. "I'm glad I saw him."

Alice gave a little smile and nodded. "Dinner's starting, I didn't know if you wanted to go down…"

I shrugged. A little food wouldn't kill me. "Sure. It'll make Monday easier."

"'Kay. Let's go then, sleepy-head," she said teasingly.

At least she wasn't treating me like I was stuck in a permanent depression or anything- because I won't be. That was one reason I was glad I'd already had to deal with my Mum's death. Even when I was eight my dad always told me you could have twenty-four hours to be absolutely miserable and cry and eat all the ice cream you could hold down, but then you had to deal with it.

My dad's a pretty wise guy. Seeing him today made me realize how much I miss him. It also made me want to talk to Raffie. However, my tosspot of a brother was not interested in talking to his little sister, even when our brother is attacked by a monster.

I sighed and shoved my trainers onto my feet, not bothering to tie the laces.

Alice and I walked down to the common room in silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable. Just…nice.

"For the last time, Potter, I would not go out with you if given the choice between your big head and-and… Oh, hello Elsa, feeling better?"

I laughed loudly at catching Lily and James in the middle of a heated argument.

"Yeah, actually. A little drained," I answered honestly. Lily smiled and gave me a hug.

"Good. Now let's go, I'm starving," Lily said, "Oh and James, to answer your question: no."

James just shrugged and grabbed Sirius off the couch.

Sirius groaned and reluctantly followed his best mate. "But I was so comfy," he whined, rubbing the back of his neck. "Er, hey Elsa. Feel okay?"

"Better," I answered shortly, busy concentrating on the fact that Sirius apparently cared enough to ask.

I need to get my priorities straight.

"REMUS!" James yelled up in the direction of the boy's dorms.

I put a hand over my ear. "Bloody hell James, would it kill you to just go get him?" I asked, my ears ringing.

Sure enough, Remus appeared at the top of the stairs and joined the group rather quickly, although his distaste at the method of summons was clear.

"Are you really that lazy, James?" He asked, frowning.

James chuckled. "Yeah," he said, as if he was used to it.

Come to think of it, he's James Potter. Of course he is.

Remus shook his head and turned to me. "Feel better?" he asked kindly.

I shrugged. "A little tired out."

Remus put up a finger and began to dig around in his jacket pocket. "Aha," he said, producing a wrapped block, "Chocolate?" he asked, breaking off a piece.

I smiled and took it. "Yes please," I said, popping it into my mouth. I instantly felt better. "Chocolate really is the cure for everything."

"See, I told you," Remus said, replacing the chocolate. "Now you can tell Sirius that I'm not crazy."

I looked at Sirius, puzzled. "You don't like chocolate?"

Sirius rolled his eyes at Remus. "No, I just don't think everything can be fixed with it. I mean, it's not like if you break your arm chocolate is going to bend it back into place."

I laughed. "Okay Sirius, whatever you say," I said, shaking my head. "Where's your dearly beloved Mary?"

"Sirius! There you are! I thought you were going to meet me downstairs," Mary MacDonald said, approaching our little group that had formed in the center of the common room.

"Right on schedule," Alice mumbled. "Shall we go?" she addressed James, Lily, Remus and I, seeing as Mary had wasted no time in dragging Sirius away by the hand. I swear, anyone who dates Sirius really does let it go to their heads.

"Yeah," I sighed, looking up ahead at Mary and Sirius laughing and holding hands.

I can't really get any more pathetic, can I?

I took Remus' outstretched hand and followed Alice through the portrait hole.

I don't know what it was about having a guy to hold hands with, but it felt a lot better than glaring at the other girls who did. And Remus just had this calming effect where he says something and you just instantly feel much better. He's kind of like his beloved chocolate in that way.

And it sucks that I still want Sirius.

"Now, give the cup to the person opposite, yes, there, that's it, and read their inevitable future!" Professor Fortis exclaimed, madly waving her arms in the air.

Let me be the first to say that Divination is a load of rubbish.

I'm sure I won't be the last.

I handed over my cup to Alice, who sighed and peered in. "I think that's some kind of dish, and a bird of sorts," she started, squinting into the low-grade teacup, "Actually, it's just a bunch of tea leaves, but whatever bullshit gets us an O is what I'm going to go with."

I stared into Alice's cup. "That there looks kind of like a pair of scissors, or it could be a bird, I don't know."

Alice shrugged. "Well, let's see. If that's a dish, there's trouble at home, and uh, the bird means good news. So there's trouble at home, but it's good."

I laughed. "Oh yeah, maybe next I'll find out that my house has burned down and my father has been permanently transfigured into a donkey. I mean, that's happy, right?"

"Hey, maybe if you tell Fortis that all of this came true she'll give you extra credit," Alice suggested.

Not really a bad idea.

"Well, according to this, these scissors indicate separation and quarrel and uh, that's the sun, there, and that's happiness. So you're going to separate, but your going to be happy about it…" I trailed off, just wanting this class to be over.

"Whatever the magical tea leaves say," Alice sighed, glancing in the direction of Frank Longbottom.

"You know, I've been thinking, since you've got yourself a boyfriend, I want to go back with Frank. I mean, I kind of miss him," Alice said fondly.

Was she kidding?

"Are you joking? First off, Remus isn't really my boyfriend, you know that, and Frank was kissing Marlene," I hissed.

"I suppose, but I still miss him. Hey, do you think that James will go out with me to make him jealous?"

"Yeah, good luck dragging him away from Lily," I answered, looking over to James' table, where he was asleep over the teacup next to Sirius. "Besides, I doubt that Frank would be too affected, I mean, this is the only class you three even share."

To tell the truth, I didn't really like Frank all that much. He was kind of dumb (hence the 6th year Divination class and not the NEWT level one) and I hadn't forgotten about the whole 'big-mouthed whale' thing.

"Class dismissed!" Fortis exclaimed, dramatically gesturing to the door.

"Thank Merlin," Alice said as we got up from our table and met James and Sirius at the door.

"So, either of you predicted to die young or suddenly today?" I asked jokingly.

Sirius snorted. "No, but apparently I have money coming and Jamesie here is going to be betrayed by a feline."

I laughed. "I really doubt a cat will sell you out. And besides, I thought rats were normally the emblem for distrust."

James shrugged as we began the long climb down the stairs. "I was just disappointed there was nothing about Lily in there."

"Of course you were. Oi! Watch where you're going!" Sirius suddenly exclaimed, his Divination book flying from his hands.

The four of us looked down and were met with, just my luck, Regulus Black and his cronies.

"Sorry dearest brother, didn't mean to. By the way, mum sends her regards. She's blasted you off the tree, you know. I guess you leaving hasn't caused us much harm," Regulus spat, sounding very unlike the boy I agreed to go out with.

Sirius didn't say anything at first. Clearly Regulus knew exactly what to say to him to put him off.

"Shove off, you prat," said James, grabbing Sirius by the shoulders.

Regulus only laughed. "Oh, hello DeLestrade. Sorry I missed our little 'date'. But I have to say, that was your own fault there. I mean, did you actually believe someone would really ask you? Because-!"

Alice smacked Regulus hard across the face. This was why she was my best friend.

"How dare you," she hissed at him.

"Go be a bastard someplace else, Reg. No one wants you here," Sirius said coldly.

Regulus shot his brother a glare, but pushed past the four of us and continued up the stairs, rubbing his jaw.

"Bloody git," Sirius mumbled, quickening his pace and leaving James, Alice and I standing on the landing, rather confused.

"Well, Regulus really got to him," Alice stated, picking up the Divination book Sirius had carelessly left behind. "What did he mean with all that?"

James was clearly uncomfortable with the subject and kept adjusting his glasses. "I'd tell you, but it's not really my place. Oh, and I wouldn't ask Sirius outright. If he wants to tell, he will. You know how he is."

Alice nodded.

I lost track of the conversation from there, playing the words Regulus had said over and over in my mind.

Was I really that dumb?

How _could _I have ever thought someone would intentionally ask me out with no ulterior motive?

I wasn't pretty, I wasn't smart, I certainly wasn't kind, and the only reason Remus agreed to go out with me was so that he could make someone who was nice, intelligent and gorgeous fancy him.

On top of that, one brother is ignoring me and the other is a werewolf.

Fuck you, world.

I'm going to be happy.

And you can't do a damn thing about it.

James had concluded this had been a pretty boring and all-around melancholy week; he was right.

I was trying my best not to wallow in self-pity, putting on a fake smile and failing horribly at making anyone laugh.

Sirius hadn't been the same since Monday after Divination when we had run into Regulus. And that made me even more saddened, because lord knows I'm obsessed.

Even Alice was not in the best of moods, as Frank had settled himself with a new girlfriend.

So James decided to do something so damn stupid that it even had Peter glowering at him.

James set up what one would call 'booby traps' for one Severus Snape. Seven.

Seven damn stupid, damn useless, and damn unfunny booby traps for Snape to waltz into.

And that's how myself, Alice, Marlene, Sirius, Peter, Remus and of course, James, got here, on the floor of the second story girl's lavatory, scrubbing the damn floor.

I will kill James with my bare hands if I get some sort of disease.

"I can't believe you're such an idiot," Marlene grumbled, picking at her nails as she sat against the wall, neglecting any real work. "I mean really. How is it you managed to get seven people in detention for something you did?"

"Wouldn't that make him a genius, oh intelligent one?" I snarled at Marlene. "And how about you get your arse down here and do some actual work?"

"Right," Marlene snorted, playing with her hair, which was fading into a nice shade of forest green.

Sirius threw his sponge at his ex-girlfriend angrily. "Marlene, I've said it before and I'll say it again. Quit being a whiny bitch and just help us, would you?"

Oh Sirius, you know just what to say. What's that? Why yes, I would love to be your girlfriend. We'd look so cute together-!

"Ouch, what the hell?"

Something squishy and wet had hit the back of my neck.

I turned to see Alice smirking. "Daydreaming, love?"

I blushed furiously. "Of course not," I said, throwing my own sponge at my best friend.

"Would you two quit it!" James exclaimed, sponge flying from hand and hitting Marlene, who aimed in the direction of Peter, who looked around dumbfounded before hitting Remus.

And the battle had begun.

The next minutes were a mess of flying sponges, various spells and spilling water.

"Just what do you think you're doing, Miss Collins?"

God damn it McGonagall, you couldn't have come in, oh, let's say thirty minutes from now?

"Detention. All of you."

Guess not.

At least we went down laughing.

* * *

**Thanks to all my lovely reviewers, and readers, even those of you who don't like to review, for being awesome. And to all who have favorited or subscribed to this story, you rock too! **

**Anyway, my updating schedule might be a little bit topsy-turvy for a while, but I'll try not to go more than three weeks without posting a chappie. **

**Thanks again!**

**Valfish**


	8. Queen of Anything

A/N: An update? On time? INCREDIBLE. Not really, but enjoy the chapter anyway.

**Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own Harry Potter.**

* * *

**Chapter Eight: Queen of Anything**

Halloween. Otherwise known as a truly pointless holiday. The only reason I ever liked it was because October 31st meant that my birthday was only a short 24 hours away.

And normally, even that wouldn't be that big of a deal, but tomorrow was different. Tomorrow, I was seventeen.

Seventeen meant a lot of things. For starters, it meant that I could apparate, and drink, which was the other big plus I saw.

And then there was the whole deal of being able to use magic outside of school.

But on the other hand, I wasn't exactly sure if I was going home for the summer. I mean, last summer was great, just me and my wits armed with only a low-paying job and a wand I couldn't use. But I have to admit, the last time I went home, I felt strangely out of place. Like everyone had adjusted to me not being there.

"Elsa!"

I jumped about six feet in the air when I saw what I assumed was James. He was dressed as a pumpkin, but I think what really got me was the fact that the pumpkin was literally growling at me.

Two questions.

One: why did James dress up?

And two: pumpkins growl?

James was laughing at my little jump. "That's really fantastic Elsa. You should have seen the look on your face!"

I cracked a smile, knowing that I actually may have looked a little ridiculous. "May I ask just why you're dressed as a pumpkin?"

James shrugged. "There's a costume party tonight," he answered like he was talking to a wall.

"Yeah, but not till after dinner. And it's 10 in the morning," I retorted smugly.

"What? I thought I'd be festive."

"I'd say more like you did it to piss of McGonagall. Hi Elsa," Remus said, appearing next to me in the common room.

"Hey," I answered, giving Remus a peck on the cheek. "Please tell me that this pumpkin doesn't growl."

Remus smiled slightly, which, coming from him, was enough of an answer.

"I did that," James said proudly. "Oh, hi Evans."

Lily had just come down the steps with her Transfiguration book, rolling her eyes.

James tried to ruffle his hair, but he only managed to reach his shoulders in his ridiculous costume.

"Good luck trying to carry your books, Potter," Lily said dismissively as she walked past.

"What books?"

Oh, James.

* * *

"Hey, you're going to the party tonight, right?" Remus asked as we walked hand-in-hand back from dinner.

I looked at him strangely. "Er, yeah, we're going together, aren't we?"

Remus nodded. "Yeah, yeah, of course. Just wanted to double check. I didn't want to show up alone, that's all."

"Good. Oh, bloody hell."

Sirius and Mary were snogging in an alcove.

I turned to Remus, who was frowning.

"I don't understand why they have to snog every six minutes," he said, shaking his head. "I mean, I don't think I've ever seen them just have a civil conversation."

I shrugged. "I don't know. Does Sirius ever talk to his girlfriends?"

Remus sighed. "I guess not."

"Okay, here's the plan, I'm going to laugh obnoxiously when we pass them, alright, just play along," I suggested, desperate to get them to notice that Remus and I were a couple.

"Oh, Remus, you're so funny, did that really happen," I said, while laughing as loudly as possible.

Remus smiled along and nodded. "You know I don't lie."

"Of course not," I said, and kissed him quickly as we passed Sirius and Mary.

And get this: I could swear I saw Sirius look up.

Would it be inappropriate to squeal with joy right now?

Maybe I don't care.

* * *

"Do you think this is too slagish?" Alice asked, facing me in her, admittedly, rather low cut dress.

She was going as an angel. I was going as a queen.

It wasn't nearly as good as our past costumes, when we went as a snitch and a quaffle, or when we were 'two peas in a pod' or, my personal favorite, a cat and a litterbox. That was probably only because I got to be the cat.

"No," I answered. "Ouch, damn it," I added as I burned my finger on her muggle 'curler'. Sadly, Marlene was the only one who knew how to charm hair, but there was no way in hell I was asking her.

"Just let me do it," Alice said, grabbing the 'curler' and finishing the few strands that were hanging out of the up-do she had done minutes earlier. "There. Where's your crown?"

I pointed to the plastic gold tiara that had come with the costume.

Alice pinned it in my hair and studied me for a moment.

"What?"

She shook her head. "Nothing. Just thinking that if Sirius doesn't do a double take, I'll eat Merlin's trousers."

"Move it, Chubs, I need the mirror," Marlene said, tapping me on the shoulder.

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. Just don't break it."

Marlene glared, but didn't retort.

I looked at Alice, who shrugged.

"Ready then?" I asked, checking the mirror behind Marlene one last time.

"Yeah," Alice answered, ruffling her short hair and leaving the room.

I followed behind her, my heart pounding just a little louder than normal. I didn't know if Alice was being completely honest when she said how I looked. It was just a plain green dress, full length because my legs are not really my best asset, with gold trim and a low-cut enough bodice, not anything special.

But that's the nice thing about being chubby.

I'm not flat.

I walked next to Alice down the steps to the common room, where I was meeting Remus and Alice was meeting James, seeing as both of them were unable to go with who they wanted.

"Ah, Ladies, don't you look ravishing," James said as Alice and I reached the bottom of the stairs. He took Alice's hand and kissed it, probably only to show Lily what a gentleman he was.

I could feel Lily roll her eyes.

It looked especially comical since James was a pumpkin.

"You look lovely, Elsa," Remus said, smiling. He was dressed as a muggle pirate, a very Remus-y thing to do since we had learned about them in our history unit in Muggle Studies.

"Thanks. Where are Sirius and his beloved?"

Remus gestured to the corner, where, of course, the two were snogging.

Mary was wearing a more modest, but not by much, Angel costume (Alice was going to be happy about that) and Sirius was a prince.

Wait- a prince?

If this isn't proof that we have to be together, then I don't know what is.

"Did you see-"

"Yeah. It's really odd that that happened," Remus said, smiling.

I returned the grin. "Too bad Mary isn't a pirate as well."

Remus shrugged. "Never mind that. Shall we go?"

I nodded and took Remus' outstretched arm.

Now I just had to get through the whole dancing thing and I was golden.

Hopefully.

"Alice, James, are you coming?" Remus asked James and Alice, who were busy chatting.

"Oh, yeah. Hang on." James marched up to Sirius and Mary and did something only he could get away with.

"OI!"

Sirius and Mary quickly jumped apart and Mary blushed.

"If you two would like to quit snogging long enough to join us, then please," James told Sirius.

Sirius only grinned at his friend. "Fine, mate. But only because you said please."

"I can't help it if I'm polite. I'm really a true gentleman," James said loudly.

It was pretty cruel that no one had told James that Lily had already left with her date.

But it sure as hell was funny.

"Oh, yes James. I'm sure that's exactly what'll get you a date with Lily," Remus sighed. "If you would tone down the bragging a bit…"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," James said as he, Sirius and Mary joined us.

"Hey Elsa, we match!" Sirius said brightly, flashing a rather dreamy grin.

"I know, what a coincidence," I replied, adjusting my crown. "Mary should have gone as a princess, then you two would go together."

Sirius considered this. "You're right. That would have been cool, yeah?"

Mary smiled, but I saw through that bitch like an open window. I could feel her staring me down.

Merlin, when did I turn nasty?

Ah, well.

"Moony, you should have gone as a king! That would have been perfect. No one coordinated this year," Sirius added.

"Yeah. Although Lily and Ralph Jordan went as Romeo and Juliet. You know, from the play we read last year in Muggle Studies," Alice said, earning a look from James. "But I think a pumpkin and Juliet would look great as well. Although I will only remind you once that _I_ am your date, not Lily."

"Sirius, can we go? This is kind of boring," Mary whined, taking Sirius' arm.

Sirius grinned. "Sure. Last one to the Great Hall is a pumpkin!"

"Too late, mate!" James called as he and Alice followed Sirius and Mary.

Remus and I both laughed as we watched James try and get through the portrait hole.

"You know, I think that maybe next year James will think more practically," Remus said as James finally squeezed through.

"I doubt it," I replied as we followed them through. "Although who knows, maybe Lily will say yes next year."

Remus snorted. "Until James deflates his ego, I rather doubt that."

I think that maybe if James listened to Remus more often than Sirius things would go better for him. Because judging by the swearing I can hear two flights up the stairs, James has no common sense.

"BLOODY PUMPKIN SUIT!"

I need new friends.

* * *

The Great Hall was hot.

I mean really, ridiculously hot.

Thankfully Remus wasn't too disappointed when I asked if we could get out, since neither of us were too fond of dancing.

"I'm sorry, but I can't stand it in there any longer," I complained, sitting on the steps. "And these bloody heels are killing my feet."

Remus sat next to me. "You know, I was wondering when you got taller. Why do girls insist on wearing painful shoes anyway?"

I smiled. "That's a wonderful question. Sadly, I don't have an answer."

Remus chuckled. "That's a really great reason, Elsa."

"Hey, I don't make the rules," I argued lightly. "And besides, the dress was too long anyway."

"Then why did you buy it in the first place?"

"Because it looked nice."

"That's not a good enough reason."

"Says you."

"And I'm always right."

I hit Remus on the arm jokingly. "Of course you are, darling."

Remus only smirked.

There was a loud set of giggles as Mary and Sirius emerged from the Great Hall. They were holding hands and laughing, both with drinks in their hands.

I faced Remus.

"There's Sirius and Mary," I hissed. "We should do something."

Remus smiled cheekily and before I knew what was happening, kissed me.

Like full-blown snogging kind of kiss.

How horrible does it sound that I think Remus is kind of a top kisser?

When we broke apart, finally, might I add, Sirius and Mary weren't in sight, but the way Remus was smiling made me know that they must have seen us.

"Do you think they saw that?" I said in a low voice.

"Yeah."

I let out an uncharacteristic giggle. "James will be so proud."

"I'll what?" James said, appearing out of nowhere, through a mouthful of cake.

"Don't talk with your mouth full, James," Remus scolded automatically.

James rolled his eyes. "But really, what's going on?"

"Oh, we just saw Sirius and Mary," Remus said casually.

James raised an eyebrow.

"And we did something about it," I added, unable to hold in my smile. "I think we're getting to them."

"I told you it would work!" James exclaimed. "I'm such a genius."

"Uh-huh," I snorted. "Where's Alice gone off to?"

"Oh, er, she kind of found Frank and they started talking," James answered, sitting on the step below. "Apparently he broke up with, erm, what's-her-face, anyway, and they were just chatting when I left."

I groaned.

I really don't like Frank.

"Why Frank?" I whined. "I can't stand him!"

"Ah, well, you're not the one who got ditched, love," James pointed out. "And I asked Lily, but we all know how that went down," he sighed.

"Don't worry, I'm sure she'll say yes eventually," Remus mumbled.

"Yeah," James scoffed. "I'm positive. Anyway, you mind if I borrow Elsa? I'm kind of dateless now."

"Excuse me?" I said indignantly. "I'm right here, you know."

"Well fine. So what do you say, a couple of songs and then we find Sirius?"

I sighed. "Fine. You alright with that, Remus?"

Remus nodded. "I was actually thinking of going back up to the common room. It's nearly one in the morning."

"'Kay then. See you tomorrow," I said as Remus retreated up the steps. "Goodnight!"

"G'night," Remus called back, yawning.

"So, I take it you're hoping we'll run into Lily?"

"I take it you're hoping we'll run into Sirius?"

Touché.

* * *

So I just noticed that my line breaks didn't work in the last chapter, so sorry if it was a bit confusing. Anyway, thanks for reading and I love feedback... If you know what I mean. :D

-Valfish


	9. Happy Birthday

A/N: Heck yes that's two on-time updates in a row! ...well then, enjoy the chapter.

Disclaimer: Guess what? I don't own Harry Potter! Shocking, I know.

* * *

**Chapter 9: Happy Birthday**

"No, no! I'm not going to say it!" I exclaimed, tossing my bag down next to the fireplace.

"Come on," Remus pleaded, "Just once, then I'll stop bugging you."

I sighed and crossed my arms.

"No."

"It's really not that hard."

"Yes it is."

"It's not. Really."

"How the bloody hell would you know?"

Remus sighed and sat on the couch, defeated. "I know you can say it. Just come on. Practice. Three little words, _Marlene, I'm sorry."_

So last night, I may or may not have spilled punch on Marlene's dress. A devil, fittingly enough. And while at every other party red punch wouldn't have done much to ruin a red costume, this specific punch was purple, in honor of Halloween.

It also didn't help that as soon as I'd honest-to-god done it on accident, James clapped me on the back and told me what a nice job I'd done.

Which brings me to why Lily said no to one measly dance.

James is kind of a moron.

I opened my mouth and took a breath and was actually about to say the dammed words when I smelled something burning.

Of course, it just happened to be my bag.

"Oh lord," I started, fumbling around in my pocket for my wand.

Before I needed to do anything about it, Remus had already put out the fire that was attempting to consume my schoolbag.

I frowned at my charred schoolbooks.

Thank you, common room fireplace, for the marvelous birthday wishes.

"Elsa, darling!"

I knew that greeting way too well for my own good.

"What do you want, James?" I asked pitifully.

James clicked his tongue at me. "Feeling guilty about last night. Tsk. Tsk. Shame. I thought it was rather brilliant."

"Well it would have been if it wasn't an accident," I huffed, slinking back in my seat in the library. "Now everyone thinks I'm a bitch. Don't go there," I added, sensing the following 'too late'.

"Well then. I guess you aren't the girl I thought you were. I'm afraid I shall have to inform Remus to break up with you at once," James said, dramatically turning his back.

"And why would you be needing to do that?"

I directed my attention away from the ceiling to find that Sirius had sat down in front of me, a smirk on his devilishly handsome face.

"Has our dearest Elsa been cheating on poor, innocent Remus? What a terrible thing to do," Sirius concluded, shaking his head at me.

"Ha ha," I said, sticking my tongue out. "James is only disappointed that I feel guilty about ruining Marlene's dress."

"Oh, don't. She fixed it in a hearbeat after she was done making a bloody scene. Then she went off to dance with some seventh year Hufflepuff. Poor bloke doesn't know what he's into," Sirius sighed sadly.

Oh no.

Oh for fuck's sake.

"This particular Hufflepuff wouldn't happen to be abnormally tall and have brown hair, now would he?" I asked hesitantly.

Sirius frowned. "As a matter of fact, he would be. His name's Rocky or Ronald or something."

"It's Raffie," I sighed. "And he's my brother."

"Tough luck," James said smugly. "Let's go, Padfoot, I think I hear McGonagall angrily screeching."

That's the second time James has done that to me.

It's probably not the last.

However, the more important problem at hand was now the fact that my idiot brother was seen with my sworn enemy.

I need to talk to said idiot brother.

Though that's a task easier said than done.

I gathered up my Transfiguration book and essay and made my way to the entrance to the Hufflepuff common room.

* * *

The Hufflepuff common room is in the basement of Hogwarts. No, not the dungeons, the basement.

It's kind of off to the side a bit, and I think that's just a cruel metaphor for the house itself.

Those poor Hufflepuffs just don't get any credit. In fact, people are always saying how useless they are.

My brother just happens to be an unfortunate example.

It's not that Raffie's dumb or anything, he's just, er, shall we say, challenged. In addition to his scores not being particularly wonderful, the boy is dreadful at annunciation. Which makes spells, along with floo traveling rather difficult, and let me tell you, mumbling 'Leaky Cauldron' can get you to some questionable places.

But he's my brother all the same, and therefore I am morally obligated to love him.

Since I didn't know the password, I just sat against the wall until the tosser came out.

"Raffie!"

He turned around and just kind of stared at me for a moment before leaving his friends to see what his bothersome little sister wanted.

"What's this all about, then?" He asked quietly.

I swallowed. "Are you dating Marlene McKinnon?" I blurted.

Raffie started laughing. "Are you joking? Elsa, I'm a terrible brother, but the whole school knows how well you two get along, and well, I can't really do that to you."

I let out a sigh of relief. "Thank Merlin. Then who was she dancing with at the party?"

"Oh that was me," Raffie admitted. "But if it makes you feel any better, she's a right awful dancer."

I grinned. "Thanks."

Raffie gave me an uncharacteristic hug and smiled. "Happy 17th, baby sis."

And that's when I realized that he was the first person to wish me happy birthday all day.

Really, world?

* * *

I really hate taking Muggle Studies. I really do. Not that I'm that kind of snotty pureblood that goes around saying things like 'mudblood', but I really think that we ought to teach these muggles how to do cope with some of their daily problems.

Though I have to say that the pen is a brilliant invention.

"What is the purpose of a rubber duck?" I asked Remus as we left class. Professor Micheals was keen on open-ended questions, and he'd left us with this one tonight.

Remus shrugged. "Unnecessary merchandise, I suppose. Another pop culture phenomenon, perhaps?"

"I guess. Have any dinner plans for tonight?" I asked rhetorically.

Remus looked away awkwardly. "Actually, I do. So I'll see you after, yeah?"

I tried not to look dejected. "Yeah," I said quietly. "See you."

Remus waved goodbye and left in the opposite direction as I skulked my way to the common room and up into the dorm, which was oddly empty.

I flopped down on my bed and got out my Transfiguration essay. _What do wizards debate about the process of human transfiguration and why?_

Beats me.

I frowned and tossed the parchment aside.

"Elsa! We're sneaking out to Hogsmeade. Care tojoin?" Alice asked, popping her head through the door.

I shrugged. "Sure, why not?"

At least Remus hadn't really ditched me then. I'm getting attached; I need to stop that.

I got my lazy self off my bed and followed Alice down to the common room, where Peter was waiting for us.

"Just make sure and be quiet, we don't want McGonagall finding out about this. Sirius nearly got us caught last time," Peter said. "Well, c'mon."

I followed Peter behind a tapestry and into a tunnel, where we came out some time later, near Zonko's.

"D'you think that the Three Broomsticks is really a good idea?" I asked as we waked through the village.

Alice smiled stupidly.

I looked at Peter, who had an equally idiotic grin.

"Fine, don't tell me."

When we arrived, Peter said he was going to check to see if there were any teachers in there.

Which seemed odd to me considering, from what Peter had told me not ten minutes ago, James, Sirius, and Remus were already inside.

I sighed impatiently, tapping my toe against a rock outside the door. "We should just go in," I suggested.

"Yeah, you're right," Alice agreed.

She opened the door for me and I was shocked at what was inside.

There were banners hanging everywhere that said 'Happy 17th!' on them and lots of floating lanterns, glowing pink, and most importantly, James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Mary, Lily, Raffie, and Alice were all there.

But that's not why my mouth hung open.

Devon was with them, and I hadn't seen him smile like that in a long time.

I ran straight to him first, obviously, and gave him a hug.

"Happy Birthday, Elsa," he said into my hair.

We pulled apart and he pulled out a small box that was wrapped in silver paper. "I have to get going, but I wanted to give you this before I left."

I took the package from him and peeled away the paper to reveal an ornate box. "It's lovely, Dev."

"Open it," he encouraged.

I undid the clasp and reached inside to find a gold chain with a charm that looked rather familiar.

It was a gold circle with the inscription 'May 17th bring you joy. Love, Mum' on the inside.

"Thank you," I said and hugged Devon again. "Click it for me?"

He did the necklace around my neck and I touched the ring, feeling around for something that could connect me to my mum.

Oh look at me, getting all sentimental and what not.

Makes me sick.

"I have to get going, love, but I'll see you at Christmas, yeah?" Devon said, giving my shoulders a squeeze. "Happy birthday."

With that he gave me a quick kiss on the head and left the pub, taking away my smile for a brief moment.

"HAPPPY BIRTHDAY!"

Leave it to James to ruin a perfectly nice family moment.

I laughed and turned to my friends and Mary.

You bet I just did that.

"Thanks, guys. This really is wonderful, but can I ask how we plan to not get caught?" I said, taking a seat at the nearest table.

Sirius grinned. "Rosmerta and I are very close," he said, waggling his eyebrows and winking.

Peter snorted. "Meaning 'Rosmerta is now happily passed out upstairs with no memory of any of this' because we gave her a sleeping potion."

Sirius tossed his hair back dramatically. "You know she can't resist me."

"What woman can?" I said jokingly, batting my eyelashes at Sirius.

Sirius laughed and my heart sank a bit.

"I hate to be the voice of reason at this lovely gathering, but Madame Rosmerta will only be knocked out for about another hour. So we should hurry along with the cake," Remus interjected, smiling a smile that melted my heart just a little further into the cracks of truthfully liking him.

"Right then, James, if you will," Alice said as James lit seventeen candles on a plain white cake (my favorite, no less).

They sang happy birthday, terribly out of tune and I was truly just happy. And blowing out the candles on my cake, I had nothing to wish for except for things to keep going up.

Of course, way to kill the good feeling, out of the corner of my eye I saw Sirius and Mary exchange a quick kiss.

But that was nothing compared to the frosting that James threw in Sirius' hair.

"Oi!"

James snickered and took another slice of cake and chucked it at him. Sirius ducked this time and the slice hit Mary straight in the face.

She picked it up off the floor and hit Peter with it, who aimed at Remus, missed and hit Alice and the war was on.

I didn't really want to get cake out of my hair, so I decided that I would move myself away from the commotion. Remus followed.

"I have to say, I wouldn't fancy trying to get this out my hair," I said, staring at the scene.

Remus laughed. "I'm surprised Sirius isn't over here. His hair has got to be insured for something."

"I suppose James already put frosting in it, so he may as well. And besides, this is horribly entertaining."

Remus nodded. "Before I forget, here's your gift from me," he said, handing me a wrapped package.

"Remus, you didn't have to get me anything!" I said, taking the gift.

What was I kidding? Birthdays without gifts would be terrible.

I just say what everyone else is thinking.

I tore off the paper to reveal a book.

_Through the Looking Glass._

I stared up at Remus. "How'd you know?"

_Through the Looking Glass _is my favorite book I've ever read.

And even though that list is rather small, I'd still say that this was actually a wonderful gift.

"Thank you," I said sincerely, giving him a hug.

"You're welcome," Remus answered. "Now, I think we should stop this before it gets out of hand."

I felt something gooey land in my hair.

"Too late."

* * *

So y'all have been pretty amazing with the feedback lately. Which means I'm not going to subtly hit at reviewing this time. **(NOT AT ALL)**.

But besides that, thanks for reading and to all who have alerted, favorited and/or reviewed!

-Val

P.S. I always like it when authors ask a review question, so here's mine: since the holidays have just passed (well, most of them) I was wondering what I should do for the holiday chapter of Laugh it Off. New Years or Christmas?

P.P.S. You don't have to answer that if you don't wish to. (insert pointless hint at reviewing here).

P.P.P.S. I know I'm lame. But seriously, you guys are incredible.


	10. Dark Times

A/N: So I haven't had more than 3 hours of sleep a night this week. Between exams coming up and other various real-life issues, I'm sorry that I did not post on time as promised. And getting towards the end of next week it's going to be even slower, so just a head's up. Anyway, sorry again, but enjoy the chapter!

Disclaimer: ...and you would think I owned Harry Potter because...?

* * *

**Chapter Ten: Dark Times**

I guess the first one will always be the scariest. The most shocking, the most devastating. Something that you'll never forget. Completely unexpected, and it was just as horrible as anyone could imagine.

Or that's certainly how it felt, completely numb in the common room. All of us. Not even Alice herself was saying a word or showing any sign of emotion.

I was worried myself for my best friend, and though I'd shared a similar loss, it wasn't like this.

I sat in between Lily and Remus on the couch, watching the fire die. Inside it burning a crumpled piece of paper, which read as condolences for the first victim of an oncoming war.

Only one name rang in our ears then. Unspeakable, but the rule of that seemed to be crushed by the anger that I felt towards the monster itself.

Over and over, _Voldemort._

Alice was the first to break the silence. "I can't believe it," she whispered, not moving from her spot in front of the fire. "I can't believe it."

Lily's lip twitched, but no one knew what to say.

I felt as Alice's best friend, it should be me to speak up. "I'm so sorry Alice," I said quietly. "I'm so sorry."

She didn't move, but nodded solemnly.

"What did McGonagall say?" Lily asked. "Are you going home tomorrow?"

"Yes," said Alice, "She said that I could have the rest of the week, but I don't want to be home for that long. Not in that house."

I understood. When my mum died, I spent most of my time outside. I never wanted to be near where she wasn't. If I saw she wasn't there, I would lose it. Even now everyone in my family avoids her study. It's too painful.

It probably always will be.

I moved from my spot on the couch and sat next to Alice. Her face was streaked with silent tears, an opposite reaction to what you would expect.

Normally Alice is very animated. She usually laughs and smiles or screams and shouts. It was kind of scary to see her this silent, as a matter of fact.

I took her hand and we sat there for a while. I only left when McGonagall came in to tell Alice her father had arrived.

By then Lily was the only one still sitting in the common room.

"It's just so terrible," she whispered, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye.

I nodded and we silently made our way up to the dormitory.

* * *

It was too quiet at breakfast for my liking. Even though Alice was gone, it seemed as though everyone else was mourning as well.

I had only met Mrs. Collins five or six times, but I had plans to attend her funeral. As did James and Sirius, who lived on the same court as Alice.

It was going to be held on Saturday, and I was dreading it. That sounds terrible, but I hate funerals.

But who doesn't?

I pushed my eggs around on my plate, not hungry for once, and fiddled with the silverware a little bit.

"It's too bloody quiet," James said, to break the silence. "We need a little pep."

Lily looked enraged. "Alice's mother was just murdered by a power-crazed lunatic! How exactly do you expect anyone to be peppy?"

James avoided her gaze. "Sorry, I just thought that maybe we should be a little happier. I mean, nothing's happened to any of us."

Lily left the table.

I thought about it, but James did have a point.

"Fine then. What do you propose we do?" I asked James, who sighed.

"I dunno. It's just rather gloomy, don' t you think?"

Remus, who had been silently reading the paper, looked up with a grim expression on his face. "Look at this," he said, showing us the front page.

The headline read: 'DEATH EATERS ATTACK OUTSIDE LONDON'. Under, in smaller print, were the numbers.

The picture was of a burned house, not Alice's, luckily, and a skull in the sky.

"What do you suppose that is?" Peter asked, pointing to the symbol.

"The dark mark," Sirius answered. "It's He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's mark. All his death eaters have it."

I wondered how he knew that.

Sirius isn't a death eater, that I know of.

Mary beat me to the question. "How'd you know that?" she asked, frowning. "I don't think they've ever said in the Prophet, have they?

James shifted awkwardly, as he always seemed to when something he knew the answer to but wasn't exactly his place to tell came up.

Sirius sighed, and avoided the answer. "Just shut it, Mary."

"I was only asking a question-!"

"I said just shut it!" Sirius exclaimed, leaving the table. James followed him silently, not bothering to leave a word with Peter, myself, Mary or even Remus.

"What's got his knickers in a twist?" Peter asked Remus who didn't react.

"I've got to get my books."

That told me that Remus knew some answers.

And I needed them.

I followed Remus until the corridors were empty.

"Do you know what that was about?" I asked.

Not that I expected an answer.

Remus is a wonderful person for telling secrets. He never speaks. Ever.

"I do, but I doubt Sirius would be too pleased if I told you," Remus said finally.

"Is it bad?"

Remus nodded. "You can figure it out if you know anything about the 'most Noble and Ancient house of Black'."

Things began to click into place instantly. The Blacks were known for being dark wizards, and with You-Know-Who rising, that could only mean that the lot of them were also death eaters.

I should have guessed it in the first place, after hearing Sirius' story of escape.

I really do feel bad for the guy. Apparently his parents are really terrible people and they wanted Sirius to act more like them.

I should've figured that one out on my own too. In first year, Sirius, who I didn't really know, received several howlers from home, making known that it was shameful for him to be in Gryffindor and not Slytherin.

"I get it now," I said lightly. "Merlin, it's been so gloomy lately."

Remus chuckled. "I guess we just need you to make it brighter then, don't we?"

I took his hand, not caring that no one was around to see our fake romance and walked the rest of the way to the common room with him.

* * *

Thankfully, James had done something right for once.

I was laughing so hard I was crying and the soap that was chasing Severus Snape bubbled louder.

Apparently James thought that we needed to lighten the mood (I agreed) and decided that a prank on Snape was just what everyone needed.

Ah, Snape.

I don't think I'd ever managed to have a conversation with the guy, but I knew that he was a terrible git and that he was often regarded as simply target practice for the marauders, which I can agree with.

"Potter, will you stop it!" Snape exclaimed, backing into a corner, where the charmed soap tried to get to his greasy hair.

James, who was also howling with laughter, shook his head. "Sorry Snivellus, but I'm afraid I can't do that."

Remus rolled his eyes. "James, please cut it out before I have to report you. McGonagall's really been on me lately about keeping you and Padfoot under control."

Remus was a prefect, and though his friends sometimes hated him for it, he was much easier than Lily, who, no matter friend or foe, would report you faster than you could say 'detention'.

James shrugged and undid the spell. "I'm sorry, Moony, but Snape's hair was dripping on my shoes from his nose. You should be punishing him, really."

Remus ignored James once again and faced me. "Do you see what I have to deal with?" He complained, running a hand through his sandy hair.

"Wait," I said, putting my face painfully close to Remus' head. "I think I see a couple of grey hairs!"

James, of course, at this ran up to Remus to confirm. "Remus Lupin: gone grey in sixth year! Who'dve thought?"

Sirius, who had been relatively silent up until this point, ripped one of the hairs out. "I told you to stop stressing out so much. If you would only let us get away with everything, then you wouldn't have these lovely things."

Remus sighed. "I've found them before. It's probably from being friends with you two," he said to James and Sirius.

"It's okay," I said in a flirty manner, "I still think you're cute."

James, Sirius, and I laughed as Remus turned pink.

"Yeah, Moony, it's adorable! Isn't our little Remus just adorable?" James said to Sirius, who was too busy laughing at Remus' reaction answer.

"It's not going to be so adorable when I give you both detention," Remus joked.

I stuck my tongue out at James and Sirius. "Ha ha, boys, have fun."

"Oh, did I say both? I meant all three of you," Remus added, wiping the smile off my face.

"You wouldn't."

* * *

"I can't believe Remus actually gave us detention," I grumbled, as Sirius finished up a particularly dusty trophy on the shelf.

"I can. He does it now and then, you know, just to prove how much authority he has. Although, he's probably the only bloke on the planet that would give an undeserved detention to his own girlfriend," Sirius smiled.

"No kidding."

Remus had indeed give Sirius, James and I detention, but James complained that he had Quidditch strategies to plan, so Remus let him off.

He also probably gave me and Sirius the harsher punishment since we deemed it was appropriate to charm his hair to match is cheeks before he left for class.

"He really likes you, you know," Sirius said offhandedly, grabbing another trophy off the shelf. "He talks about you all the time."

Oh fucking hell.

I tried my best to hide the shock. "Really? Anything bad?"

Sirius laughed. "No. He said you were really funny, and very pretty. He said he was lucky, actually. Which is rare coming from the poor guy."

Shit, shit, shit.

This is not supposed to happen.

"I'm glad he thinks so," I mumbled.

Sirius frowned. "Why all the enthusiasm?"

Damn.

"Well, we haven't really been going out all that long, that's all."

Sirius nodded. "I thought I'd just tell you. You know you are lucky. Remus is a good guy."

Yeah, if we were really going out. Which we're not.

"Oh yes."

Oh no.

"Well, I'm done. You?"

I nodded and put up my trophy, following Sirius out of the dingy cabinet.

This is not what I wanted.

* * *

The funeral of Mrs. Collins was oddly short. I expected myself to cry as well, but I didn't.

I sat, stoic, next to my dad, watching Alice in the front row. She wasn't crying either, just staring off into space.

I pulled on a loose string at the hem of my black dress, trying to break it without having to cut it.

Afterwords, there was a small reception, where I went off to find James and Sirius. They were, shockingly, standing by the buffet, eating.

They're always eating.

"Hello," I said quietly.

James nodded, his mouth too full to properly greet.

"Hi, Elsa," Sirius said.

"Have either of you talked to Alice?" I asked hopefully. I hadn't been able to catch her yet.

James shook his head and swallowed. "No, have you?"

"No. I was just looking for her, actually."

"She's by the grave," Sirius said quietly, gesturing to where Alice was indeed seated, a frown on her face in front of the new stone.

The plot was small, since Mrs. Collins was buried outside the house and not in a proper graveyard.

I debated walking over to my best friend, to let her know I was there, but I decided against it, knowing that moment was only for Alice.

But the sinking feeling in my stomach told me that it wouldn't be the last shared between human and dirt.

The war was coming.

And no one was ready.

* * *

So I don't know about you, but I've been pretty impressed as far as feedback goes last chapter. You guys have no idea how much it's appreciated, but truth be told, as long as one person is still reading this story, I will keep updating. So no pressure. :)

Thanks to everyone who reviewed/alerted/favorited!

-Valfish

P.S. Chapter after next is going to be NEW YEARS themed.


	11. Wonderful

A/N: So my flash drive ran away... again. I have now made the executive decision to just man up and save things on my computer so that this doesn't keep happening. So sorry about the wait, but I will be on time with the next update, which I believe will come again on February 1st.

* * *

**Chapter 12: Wonderful**

I had decided against confronting Remus. Honestly, that was the last thing I needed. Everything had felt so gloomy lately, and rightfully so, but I wasn't quite ready to be happy again.

Professor Slughorn decided to help me out on that one by giving me a T on our last essay.

I paid good money for that essay.

Which explains the note at the bottom.

_Miss DeLestrade- I've seen this essay now for three years in a row and I know the student who wrote it has since graduated. Please stick to your own work. Prof. Slughorn._

That is the last time I buy an essay from the Prewett twins.

5th years. Can't trust the lot of 'em.

Alice was still at home, with her family, and that left me with Lily quite a lot. However Lily likes to study.

I don't.

Remus likes to study.

I don't.

It was then I realized that I should have been more friendly with the other houses in past years, since my number of friends was dwindling down quite quickly.

I suppose that once upon a time I had been friends with a girl called Martha who was in Hufflepuff. We were partners in Care of Magical Creatures for a little while, and although she was dreadful with the subject, we got on quite well.

And then there was Bethany from Ravenclaw, who used to tutor me in Transfiguration.

Or was that Mitchell Michaels? I think he's in Ravenclaw. Probably.

My personal favorite former friend though had to be Emmeline Vance. She's an absolute riot. We were DADA partners in fourth year.

Why did I stop hanging out with her?

Oh right, the whole Sirius Black matter.

She was his girlfriend for a while.

Sitting in the library, tapping my fingers against the wood table, I decided that's what I was going to do.

This lovely Wednesday evening, I was going to spend finding all my old acquaintances and reconnecting.

"Do you know who Martha Kilpatrick is?" I asked Remus, who was buried in a mountain of essays, some from his friends, and books.

Remus looked up from his work, and I noticed how incredibly pale he looked. "Are you ill?" I asked, frowning.

Please don't be, we have a potions practical exam tomorrow.

Lord I'm selfish.

Remus blinked a couple of times and yawned. "No, of course not, just tired. And yes, I do. She's a prefect."

That crosses dear Martha off my list.

"What about Bethany Bauble?"

"Prefect."

Damn.

"Mitchell Michaels?"

"Also a prefect."

Damn.

"Can I ask what your sudden fascination with prefects is?" Remus said, putting down his quill finally.

"Nothing. I was just thinking that I don't really remember any of my old partners from class, that's all," I explained.

"Alright then. I'm not going to question it," Remus said.

"Well, in that case, I guess I'm going to go find Lily," I said, gathering my bag.

Remus had returned to his homework and didn't bother correcting me in my pathetic excuse.

I sighed and left the table, off to the common room.

"Elsa!"

I suppose I was a little bit spaced out when I ran into just the very person I had been searching for.

"I'm sorry!" I exclaimed, looking at my frazzled friend.

Lily shook her head, "It's fine. I was actually looking for you. Mary told me that Sirius told her that Peter told him that James would like a word."

I raised an eyebrow. "Come again?"

Lily huffed impatiently. "Potter is looking for you. Don't ask me why, I don't know."

I nodded. "Alright then. See you at dinner, yeah?"

"Yeah," Lily called over her shoulder, disappearing into the depths of the library.

Off to find James.

And who said this day would be boring?

* * *

"You were looking for me?" I asked James, who was completely calm, oddly, and sitting in front of the common room fireplace.

He stood up, with a completely serious expression. "Yeah. We have a problem."

"Okay, and that problem would be?" I responded, slightly worried.

"Remus wants to break up. With you. Today. Probably after dinner," James said quickly.

I felt my heart drop. "Why?"

James sat down on the couch. "I dunno. He didn't say. In fact he didn't even really say he was going to do it, he just sort of hinted at it."

Whoa, hold up. I swear to Merlin if Remus doesn't break up with me tonight I will kill James.

Wait a minute.

"Well what did he say?"

"He said that it was dangerous for him to be in a relationship with his-," James stopped abruptly.

"His what? Spit it out!" I said.

"Shit, I should not have told you that," James said nervously, running a hand through his hair. "Remus is going to murder me."

"Why? Why is he going to murder you? What's going on?"

"Why am I murdering James?" Remus said from behind me. I turned to him, and then to James.

"Well, James? Why is Remus murdering you?" I asked, frowning.

James backed up slowly and made a run for the boy's dormitory.

Remus sighed. "I suppose I'll get him, then." He set his books on a nearby table and followed James up the stairs.

Honestly, boys are about the most confusing things on the whole fucking planet. James wants to talk to me, then he looks like he's just taken off a muzzle he was really supposed to keep in place.

I really, really just want an explanation.

I mean, I wasn't exactly expecting Remus to break up with me. That is, fake break up with me.

It's like one of those old arithmetic problems in primary school. If a train is going at 20 miles per hour in direction B, and then switches to direction A at the last second at 80 miles per hour, where will the train end up?

It wont. Because like my romantic life, this train does not exist.

* * *

James and Remus seemed rather tense at dinner that night. They kept fidgeting, and Remus kept giving James this look, like the look Professor McGonagall gives James. That kind of look.

_The_ look.

I cleared my throat. "So, how is everybody?"

James looked up, but didn't say anything, and Remus mumbled "Fine," before returning to stare into his goblet.

I hate to admit it, but I wish Sirius and Mary were here.

Take that back, I wish Sirius was here. Mary can go frolic with the unicorns for all I care.

"Lily! Oh thank Merlin! I've been trying to talk to two brick walls for the whole evening!" I exclaimed as Lily plopped down next to me.

"Trying to communicate with Potter? Good luck with that one, darling," Lily happily replied.

James didn't comment back. Instead he got up from the table and left.

Now let's put this all together.

James leaving the table while Lily is here: bad sign.

It was then I finally remembered that James said Remus would probably break up with me after dinner.

"Elsa, can I speak with you a minute?" Remus asked.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Er, yes. See you later Lily."

I followed Remus out into the corridor, where he sat down on the deserted steps. "Elsa," he began, "I'm just going to come out and say this, and I dearly hope you will not hate me for it."

I sat on the edge of the step below him and sighed. "I think I know where this is going."

"Then you know that I'm, well, I'm a werewolf, then, right?"

Shocked is an understatement.

You may as well have told me that Dumbledore is a woman.

"No. No I did not know that. What!"

Remus looked like he had been slapped. "That's not what James told you?"

"No! He said you we're going to break up with me! You can't be a werewolf, that's not even, I just, oh my lord."

"So he didn't tell you?"

"No! He didn't!"

"He didn't tell you?"

"No!"

"Really?"

"No, he didn't! I think we've established that, Remus!"

"That bastard!"

"You arse!"

Remus stopped and looked at me. "What?"

"I said 'you arse'!" I repeated, furious. "Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

"I-I didn't think there was any reason to! And you would hate me for it!" Remus said frantically. "I mean, it's not like this is a real relationship! I don't have to tell you anything!"

"So I suppose that I'm just supposed to tell you things, tell you my life story, mention my brother has the same condition and then skip around the school holding hands because this isn't a real relationship?" I yelled, ignoring the fact that my eyes had started to water up. "That's all this is some stupid, made up romance where we aren't even speaking like normal people?" I blinked quickly, hoping the tears would go away. "We aren't even good enough friends for you to tell me that-that-!"

"No," Remus cut me off quietly. "I think we are friends, it's just, I've never really told anyone directly about it, and you were no exception."

"Fine," I said angrily. "But I'm still not happy about this."

"Oh, I'm sorry, why don't I just go back in time and fix things. I wont go outside as a six year old, and everything will be fine. Is that better, darling? Or maybe you want me to turn myself into Sirius, because that can be arranged too! In fact, why don't you just march up to him and ask if we can trade places. Because I can't bloody stand being with someone, even if it is all some terrible plan, who doesn't even have enough decency to respect why I keep some secrets secret!" Remus sneered. I don't think I've ever heard him talk like that. "Is that what you really want?"

"No, that's not what I meant!" But it was too late, and he had stormed away, leaving me on the steps, really crying.

Just crying for everything.

But mostly crying for myself.

"Elsa? Are you alright?"

I looked up to see the one person I didn't want to see right now.

Sirius.

"No, I just said some really awful things to Remus that I don't think I meant. Maybe I did, but, it's just-!"

The fact that I can't even make it through a coherent sentence is a little unnerving.

Sirius sat down next to me.

Oh Lord. Please Sirius, just go away. I love you too much for you to be here right now.

"I wouldn't worry too much. Remus'll come round eventually. See, he's a guy that's willing to forgive. And he's crazy about you," Sirius said.

If only he knew that's why I started crying harder.

"No, you really have no idea what I said to him! I-I was out of line, and if he wants to keep things from me that's h-his business. I-I should have t-taken the news better," I concluded, wiping my nose on my sleeve.

Sirius sighed. "I know breaking up is tough, but I have a feeling you'll get back together in no time."

"That's not it. W-Well, I m-mean, I guess we've broken up, but he t-told me about his, er, condition, and I-I didn't t-take it as well as I should have. I-I was m-mad at him for not telling me," I explained. "I don't know why. I was just being s-selfish. He's such a s-sweetheart and I'm such a bitch, it doesn't even m-make sense!"

"Elsa, if he told you, that's all that matters, isn't it? And- wait. He told you? Really?"

I nodded. "He didn't mean to, it's kind of a long story. Anyway, I'm tired, I'll see you tomorrow in class."

I pulled myself together and stood up to go up to the common room.

"Goodnight, Elsa," Sirius said from his spot on the stairs.

"Goodnight," I echoed. "And Sirius? Thank you for l-listening to me ramble."

Sirius smiled and shrugged. "Anytime."

I continued back up stairs, feeling worse than ever.

Maybe I'm not in love with Remus, but no one should have their heart broken.

Even if that heart isn't supposed to be real.

* * *

There were a staggering total of **13** reviews last chapter. You reviewers are seriously on a roll! So a huge THANK YOU! to all who reviewed, favorited or alerted this story. You people rock.

And introducing a new segment to my ridiculous author's notes: ANONYMOUS (sp?) REVIEW TIME! (exciting, no?)

shino: Haha, I'm sorry to disappoint. And that's funny you should mention writing an OC/Remus story, because I'm in the process of editing chapter one of a new story that just happens to be OC/Remus. But really, thanks.

moochicken: thank you very much! And here you go with a new chapter! :)

Thanks for reading!

-Val


	12. Happy New Year

A/N: I swear to God I meant to put this up last night but one minute I was typing and the next morning I was using the keyboard as a pillow.

Disclaimer: Yeah, sure, I own Harry Potter. You just keep on thinking that.

* * *

**Chapter 12: Happy New Year**

It was the full moon last night. I wish that didn't mean anything to me, but it does. Because there are two people I really care about who didn't really have the greatest relationship with said moon.

Yeah, save the waterworks, I know. I'm a getting a little sappy about this whole business.

But I couldn't help thinking about Devon across the country transforming into a monster for the night when he should be here, celebrating with the family.

Not that this was much of a celebration, considering Raffie was a bore and my dad had picked up some extra shifts at work.

Today was New Year's eve, and I had not enjoyed my vacation one bit. I hadn't made up with Remus before I had to leave for break. So I've been kind of a downer lately.

Which means you can take the 'vacation' part of 'vacation'.

I kept replaying our fight over and over in my head and it just made me feel more pathetic each time.

Why was I so upset about this? We weren't even really going out.

Which makes it three times more complicated.

So I was home, but I was going back to school today because James had requested it. I really had no idea why, but a part of me was just too depressed to care.

This also meant that I was going to have to apparate into Hogsmeade, find James, sneak into the school and see just what the hell he was up to.

Something ridiculous, I'm sure.

See James usually goes home for Christmas, but this year he and Sirius were staying at school, along with most of the sixth year Gryffindors save for me, Alice and Lily.

Oh good, Marlene and Mary can chat about Sirius.

And probably throw darts at my picture, but that's a side-activity.

I grabbed my black coat from the hall closet and yelled up the stairs.

"Dad! I'm going out, I'll be back tomorrow morning. Happy New Year!"

There was no answer, so I figured that my dad was probably asleep over the newspaper.

The door is always a little messed up, so I ended up having to actually apparate outside before it occurred to me that I could have just apparated straight to Hogsmeade from my house.

See what this is doing to me?

After landing in a large pile of snow and checking to make sure I hadn't splinched myself, I went off to the Three Broomsticks to meet James and maybe (hopefully) Sirius.

I had barely opened the door before James was yelling in my face.

"What took you so long!" He exclaimed impatiently.

I sighed and ignored him, shrugging my coat off and hanging it on the rack.

"Can I just ask you something? Why am I here?" I asked James in my best whining voice.

James smirked. "I'm having a party," he said smugly. Then his expression turned more grim. "And I needed to talk to you about, well, I think you know."

I felt my nerves seize up. Of course, let's talk about Remus, shall we?

Oh yes, lets just have a cup of tea and we can talk about the ruins of my personal life. Good idea, James. Superb! Incredible! Don't know why I didn't think of that myself.

Sometimes I hate that boy.

"I don't know what there is to say," I said, sitting down at the nearest table. "I really fucked up, James. You really have no idea."

"Yeah, actually, I do. You see when Remus is stressed out like that, it makes the full moons a bigger hell then they already are for him. So to avoid this from happening again-"

"Wait, what do you mean by 'this'?" I asked worriedly.

James sighed. "I mean that it's been a whole day and Remus is still sleeping-"

"Oh my lord, I've killed him! I – oh god, James-!"

"-would you just let me finish?" James said angrily. "No, he's just in worse shape then usual, that's all."

"Oh," I said, embarrassed. "What do you want me to do?"

If I wasn't a total bitch before, I'm pretty sure I'm below Marlene now.

That's a new low blow.

Even for me.

"You two just need to talk. That's all I need you to do. Just talk to him," James said, running a hand through his hair. "I mean, I should probably have a word with him too, since this is technically all my fault."

I wasn't about to argue with that.

"Oh don't be silly."

Bitch Elsa- 0, Nice Elsa-1.

"No really, I should have just told Remus what I told you."

"Yeah, that would have helped," I said bitterly.

Bitch Elsa settles the score with 1 to 1. Nice save, dumbass.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

James waved it off. "Forget it. Anyway, I'm having an all-houses party tonight, so I need help with decorations, and since you're a girl and all, I figure you probably have a better womanly instinct about this than I do."

Let's hear it for sexism.

"Probably. Let's go then, I hate this pub."

James grinned that grin he gets when he's up to something either stupid or illegal.

"First, we need to get some refreshments, and seeing as you're of age, I was thinking maybe you could help us out," James suggested slyly.

"Fine, but you're paying," I agreed. Figures, he only brought me here so I could buy him booze. "Couldn't Sirius have done this? He's of age."

James shrugged. "They'll suspect something if he buys."

"James, I'm buying two crates of firewhisky, I think that's suspicious no matter who it is."

* * *

I couldn't hear myself think above all the noise in the common room. And normally by now I'd be so drunk I couldn't see, but the booze was gone before I even walked in the room.

I had decided to just sit out on this party and was curled up in the far corner chair, observing the drunken mess that was the all-houses-except-for-slytherin-because-they're-lame party, as James has deemed it.

That boy really has some talent.

Sirius, however, had clearly had too much to drink. And was stumbling his way over to me.

Just perfect.

"Elsa, darling! How, how are you?" Sirius said sloppily, putting his arm around my shoulder.

"I'm fine, but you're drunk," I answered glumly.

"Me? No," Sirius said loudly, taking another sip of his firewhisky.

I sighed. Here I was, alone in the corner with a drunken Sirius Black and all I could think about was Remus.

"Of course not," I mumbled. "Listen, I've got to go." I made a move to get up, but Sirius stopped me.

"Wait," he said, putting up a hand. Then the thing that I had been wishing for forever happened. Sirius Black kissed me on the lips. It was quick, but it was a kiss. "Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, new year, Elsa!"

I pushed past him and subconsciously wiped my lips. I exited through the portrait and decided where I really needed to be was clearing things up with my fake-ex-fake-boyfriend.

I practically jogged down to the Hospital Wing, which I hope Remus appreciated because I don't run. Ever.

Sirius Black just kissed me. And now I'm running to Remus.

Can you guess what's wrong with this picture?

I was very quiet when I pushed open the door to the Hospital Wing, so maybe by chance Madam Pomfrey wouldn't hear me.

Of course, she did, and peeked out from desk to glare at me and then make a shushing noise.

I bit my lip and shut the door as quietly as possible.

Luckily it looked like Remus was the only one here. I made my way over to where he was sleeping and sat in the chair next to his bed.

Scary how pale how he looked.

I did that.

Bitchy Elsa is really winning this one.

"Oh Remus," I sighed, folding my hands in my lap. "Listen, I've been a real bitch. I didn't really mean anything I said to you before break. The truth is, I was just kind of pissed because you lied to me. Of course, once again, you're right, you didn't have to tell me anything.

"It's just that you are really starting to grow on me, and I just feel bad because this whole thing was a mistake. Sirius kissed me not ten minutes ago, he was drunk, of course, it wouldn't have happened otherwise, and I hated him for it.

"What am I supposed to do with that, Remus?" I groaned and ran a hand through my hair, which had been let free earlier.

"Listen, I don't know how to say this, so I'm really glad your not awake, but I'm sorry. For everything. And-and I kind of miss you." I felt tears fall from my eyes before I realized I had been crying the entire time.

"You are a really great friend and I just feel so badly because someone like you, sweet, nice, intelligent you shouldn't have to deal with this. Or any of my issues with S-Sirius. I mean, I know you were trying to get Mary, too, but isn't this getting ridiculous? Look at us. You're unconscious and I'm in tears trying to talk to you. I thought this was going to be a lot easier. We date, we snog, Sirius drops Mary for me, you run off and be her knight and shining armor and we all live happily ever after.

"I don't know about you, but I haven't figured out where the 'happy' part of this story is supposed to come in."

I couldn't finish this conversation with myself.

I got up and made a move to leave, but paused when I heard a voice.

"Wait, Elsa."

Oh motherfuking hell.

I sat back down and tried to wipe my eyes so he wouldn't know.

"Remus?"

He blinked a couple of times before he sat up with a wince.

"Please tell me you didn't hear all of that," I said, afraid of the answer.

Son of a bitch.

He smirked. "I did," he said hoarsely.

"Damn."

Fuck you, life.

First you make me apologize and say lots of things I know I'm going to regret, and then you drag Remus into it.

Shame on you.

"Listen, I'm sorry-"

Remus put up his hand, which was wrapped up. "Wait. I have to tell you I'm sorry, too."

I raised an eyebrow. "No, I'm pretty sure that's only me. I'm the bitch, remember."

Remus gave kind of a half smile. "You aren't a bitch Elsa. You just say things without thinking sometimes."

Well, he's got me all figured out.

"I'm sorry I stressed you out so much," I admitted.

"It's not so bad," Remus said, backed up fully by another wince when he put his hand up again.

"Is this your first holiday like this?" I asked carefully. No need to add insensitive Elsa to the list.

Remus shook his head sadly. "I've spent Christmas eve as a wolf before, believe me, New Year's isn't anything, although I think I did hear about a drunken Sirius…"

I coughed awkwardly. "Er, yeah. He kind of kissed me."

"Shouldn't you be happy?"

I frowned. "Yes, I should be. But he was drunk. And that would have never happened if he knew who he was kissing."

"I don't think so," Remus offered. "Don't be so sure."

"Let's face it, Remus, he doesn't like me like that," I sighed. "How can he? Look at me? I'm not exactly his definition of 'hot' and my winning personality isn't very pleasant. I lie, I cheat, I swear. And to top it off, I'm fat. As if being me wasn't enough, I had to be fat."

"I think you're beautiful," Remus whispered.

I looked up at him, with his kind eyes and messed up hair and smiled. "You aren't so bad yourself."

Good one, Elsa. Way to kill the moment.

Remus chuckled. "Thanks, Elsa. I appreciate it."

The bell chimed, signaling it was midnight and I looked at my, well, I don't know just what the hell he is anymore, and grinned before he leaned over the edge of the cot and gave me a peck on the lips.

"Happy New Year, Elsa."

"Happy New Year, Remus."

* * *

Reader: Whoa, hold up, isn't this a SIRIUS/oc story?

Valfish: Yes. It still is.

Reader: Then explain the chapter.

Valfish: It's all part of the plan.

Reader: YOU have a PLAN?

Valfish: Yes, believe it or not I do. And this is part of it.

So sorry about the lame excuse for an answer up there. But this is a SIRIUS/OC story, and I just wanted to keep that clear so people looking for Sirius/OC don't bite my head off. It's just going to take a little while.

Speaking of Sirius, there's a new poll on my profile that you should check out. Team Remus or Team Sirius?

Okay, sorry about the rant, but I feel that I needed to clear that up. Although my plan is still a little wishy-washy, so it could change. Maybe. Possibly. I don't know.

I had a plan going into this, I swear, but I guess forgot where I was going with this insanely long authors note.

Thanks for reading. And reading the AN too. I know it's obnoxious.

-Valfish


	13. Ice Cream is a Girl's Best Friend

Reader: Oh my god! I thought you were dead!

Valfish: Nope, just lazy.

Reader: I hate you. I hate you forever and ever.

Valfish: I figured as much. *sigh*

So, how are you? I feel like I've been away forever, yeah? Yeah. Anyway, here's my really pathetic attempt at an excuse that's going to sound extremely idiotic to lots of you: I got obsessed with Doctor Who and was distracted.

That's it. No other life-changing reason, no breakdowns, no lost flash drives. Just watching five series of Doctor Who.

Oh, and just as a warning, I'm not quite finished with Series 4 yet, so it could be a while.

I'm pathetic. Just read.

* * *

Chapter 13: Ice Cream is a Girl's Best Friend

I've decided that today I'm going to start keeping a diary.

I think it would help sort out the mess that is my life. Or it would look like a mess of scribbles and crude drawings of Marlene McKinnon.

_Dear Diary,_

_ After I went back to school for good, you'll never guess what happened! Remus told me he just wanted to stay friends, if that was alright, and Sirius broke up with Mary. Oh Diary, I should be overjoyed, but he got back with bitchface-McKinnon and now I'm forced to accept that my fake romance was for nothing. My what a glorious day it is. _

_ Love,_

_ Elsa._

You know what 'stay friends' means?

Everything is going to be tense now. And you know what else?

Remus is my partner is every single bloody class we have together.

Fuck that, I'm going to do what I know best.

I'm going to get another pint of damn ice cream, sit in the damn corner, and pout for another damn hour.

At least Alice was back. And surprisingly, she wasn't very gloomy, either.

"Elsa?"

"Hm?"

I was about to eat another spoonful of heaven on earth (or hell, depending on whether or not you prefer your jeans to close) when Alice took the ice cream from me.

"You can't do this," Alice said. "Ice cream isn't going to solve your problems."

I took the carton back and sank my spoon into its contents.

"Yes I can. And I don't give a damn. I'm unhappy and hungry. This is a very ugly combination and I'd appreciate if you'd leave me to wallowing in self pity, thanks," I retorted, fiddling with a lose string on my unbuttoned jumper.

Alice laughed and took my ice cream. Again.

"No, because there will be no wallowing today. Today, we are going to get up, put our big girl panties on and go down to the common room," she said, putting the lid on the carton. "Now c'mon."

"But Alice," I whined, "What if Remus or Sirius or James or Marlene or Mary or Lily or even Peter are down there?"

"Considering that's about half of Gryffindor, I'm going to say there is a slight chance that they might be down there."

I frowned and grabbed my black Mary Jane's off my bed.

I was being over dramatic.

I don't care.

Better than facing my problems, yes?

I slunked behind Alice down to the common room, where sure enough James and Peter were sitting on a couch.

Luckily for me, no Remus was to be seen.

"Look, Pete! It's sleeping beauty!" James practically screamed in my face. "Elsa, darling, how are you?"

I sent a glare his way and plopped in the chair opposite them.

"Looks like someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning," Peter smirked.

James gave him a warning look and absentmindedly touched his nose.

I had nearly forgotten about that dear little incident.

"So, I take it Sirius is with Marlene and Remus is with Mary?" I asked casually.

James rolled his eyes. "Where do you think he is? The bloke is thick sometimes, but he's no heartbreaker, he's in the library. With Mary," he added quietly.

I sighed. "Lovely."

"You know, I still can't believe that you and Remus actually broke up without ever really dating," Alice said, breaking the awkward silence.

Well, at least it would be conversationally awkward now.

"Yeah, well, I guess I'm just that good. So James, first Quidditch match of the new year. Who are we playing?" I asked, trying to steer the topic away from my former fake love life.

James grinned. "Hufflepuff. Not like they're really a threat, though. We could probably beat them in our sleep."

"Probably," I said, "I mean, my brother isn't much of a seeker, so I'd say you can win very easily. Now would you prefer nasty comments on all sides or should I keep it fair across the board?"

"What kind of a question is that?" James exclaimed. "There isn't a match in DeLestrade history where you have been fair across the board."

"Not true," I said indignantly. "I was fair the first game I ever commented on."

"And things went all downhill from there. Finally decide to put the ice cream down, then?" Lily was standing in front of me, scribbling something on parchment. "I told you it wasn't going to fix anything."

"I'm well aware," I grumbled. "When's the next Hogsmeade weekend, I'm out of chocolate again."

"I could help you out there."

Fantastic.

Remus is here.

I sighed. "I'm perfectly capable of keeping my own chocolate supply stocked, Lupin," I said.

"Hey, I thought we were friends," Remus said. "Or may I start calling you DeLestrade?"

I laughed. "No, we are friends, but it just feels weird to call you Remus," I said.

James snorted. "Yeah, because calling people by their names is so odd."

"Shut up," I mumbled.

"You know, I don't understand how you guys can be 'still friends' if you were never really dating in the first place," Lily said.

"Ah, I forgot, mum's the word on that, right?" Remus said.

I couldn't help but laugh.

Damn you for being adorable and funny, Remus Lupin, damn you.

"I think by now everyone's caught on," said Peter. "I mean that final screaming match was something, let's say, over the top."

Remus and I had indeed staged a very large breakup scene in the Great hall the day we returned from winter break.

I must admit, we could have been a little more convincing.

But what's done is done.

"Well, we can at least be thankful that Sirius still hasn't caught on," Remus said. "That could be potentially problematic."

You know what else is potentially problematic?

I'm in love.

With Sirius I'm-not-going-to-date-my-bestfriend's-ex Black.

_That's_ potentially problematic.

* * *

I woke up this morning with the most unpleasant feeling in the world.

The feeling that can only be described in one terribly crude word. Valentine. Today was bloody Valenetine's day.

Ode-to-fucking-joy.

I'm not bitter about being dumped by my fake boyfriend and being inevitably rejected by Sirius, honest.

It's definitely not the fact that pretty much everyone on the sodding planet has a valentine except for me, and certainly I'm not still going on about Remus.

Let's face facts. If I saw cupid right now, I'd punch the bastard.

I hate this damn holiday.

Of course, it's always been my Valentine's tradition to act like the idiots with significant others were invisible, but this year, in my clearly delusional mind, I was looking forward to having a date.

Needless to say, I'm not going to enjoy the rest of this weekend. Not. One. Bit.

The first half wasn't bad. We won our match against Hufflepuff and there was a lovely party (with no booze for anyone after the New Year's disaster) where not only did I catch Marlene snogging some random fourth year, but saw Sirius looking at me.

Of course, things turned to absolute darkness this morning when I woke up and realized what day it was.

Which is why when Alice dragged me (quite literally) out of bed this lovely fucking morning, I wasn't having it.

"You and I are going to Hogsmeade," Alice stated. "Aren't we?"

I know that's not a question, so don't tease me.

"No. I'm going to sleep here and miserable forever. I mean that. Fancy some sweets?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "What I'd fancy is you get dressed, you lazy bum. Now move it, if we're lucky we can get to Honeydukes before the lovers all get there."

I groaned and peeled myself off the mattress of my four-poster.

"Fine. But don't expect me to wear pink," I argued, rummaging in my trunk for my muggle clothes. "That's it."

I tossed the most depressing thing I could think of out on my bed.

"Jeans, a black sweater, and trainers. How festive," Alice said, tossing the black sweater back in my trunk and pulling out a red one. "This'll do. Now we match."

"Fantastic," I mumbled, pulling on the atrocity.

Let's hear it for the holidays.

* * *

"No, go, don't feel sorry for me here! I'll be fine, honest!"

Alice looked at me guiltily. "You sure?"

I nodded, "Yeah. Enjoy yourself. I'll live."

That fucking twat.

Oh, sure Frank, I'd love to go to the tea shop with you! That's so romantic and lovely. I don't care that you made out with Marlene McKinnon or called my best friend a whale! I'm so charmed by you, you handsome devil you! Wouldn't mind, would you Elsa?

Yes, actually I do.

Now not only was I freezing my arse off, I was also alone, sitting on a bench with a box of chocolate like the pathetic and dateless loser I am.

"Been ditched as well?"

Oh bloody hell.

"Yeah, maybe. Probably. Yes," I said, scooting over to make room for Remus on the bench. "I thought you and Mary were going on a little adventure."

Remus sighed and helped himself to a chocolate. "Me too. That's until Brighton Riley, you know, year below, Hufflepuff, and fantastically enough one of her good friends got stood up. She sent me a letter. Honestly, we're in the same common room, and the girl sent me a bloody letter."

"Don't get your knickers in a twist about it," I said, rather unsympathetically. "At least you had a real date. I've been dumped for Frank Longbottom."

Remus smiled one of his smiles that means he wants you to think that he knows everything and doesn't need words.

Let me tell you something about Remus Lupin. That particular smile means he doesn't know what the hell he's talking about. That's the 'I'm an idiot, really' smile to me.

It's probably the 'super-awesome-sexy-lovely' smile to Mary bloody McDonald.

I hope she has luck with Remus, really.

I am not bitter. Not at all.

"How does this keep happening?" I asked. "I mean, you and me always seem to be chasing around in circles what we can't have."

"I dunno, I feel like we've barely made a lap right now. Sirius is suddenly decided he's going to be a decent friend and Mary, well, I'm not quite sure what exactly she's got up in that head."

"Not much," I huffed. "Let's face facts. We're spending Valentine's day with each other, exes but not really, and we're moping about what we can't have. Shouldn't we be yelling at each other or refusing to speak, you know, just to make some more tension?"

"And a delightful sexual tension it is."

I swear to God that James just pops out of nowhere sometimes.

"Where you been, Moony, I've been looking all over for you! And bloody hell Elsa, a whole box of chocolates. You lot are pathetic."

"Oh, and how's your date with Lilykins going, then?" I said bitterly. "Oh wait."

That wiped the smile off James' face and he took a chocolate from the box before sitting down on my other side.

"She said she had to study," James said miserably. "I mean, I gave her flowers and didn't whistle at her for a whole day. What more could a woman possibly want?"

"Gee, I dunno, James, maybe a brain?" I said, giving him a shove on the shoulder.

"She's got a point there, mate," Remus added.

"Well haven't I joined the cheer brigade. Seriously, when you two were fake dating it was so much more pleasant. You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say that you were happy then."

"Happier," I mumbled, feeling my ears go red.

Yeah, let's just talk about it shall we.

As if the day hasn't already fallen to shit, let's just talk about our feelings.

"Well, this is awkward," James concluded, standing up and abruptly walking away. "See you two later!"

"Honestly, it's a wonder he doesn't have a date," I said.

Remus chuckled and zipped up his coat. "Well, we don't exactly have room to be talking, now do we?"

I frowned. "I guess not."

It was awkwardly quiet then, just us two, friends and only friends sitting on a bench on Valentine's day. Both alone and miserable.

I bloody hate it.

* * *

How was it? Terrible? Awful? Go away and don't come back?

Anyway, thanks for putting up with this ridiculous wait.

And in other news, the poll results so far are overwhelmingly: Team Remus!

So if you want to pick a side, check out the poll on my profile and vote. I'll be keeping it up for a while. :)

Anonymous review time!

NOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM: I laughed out loud when I read your review. Thanks for the input, I'll keep that in mind. lol.

Thanks for reading!

-Valfish


	14. Attacked and Attacking

**Reader: Hey asshole, I thought you said you'd update more often.**

**Val: Please don't kill me.**

**Reader: I hate you. With a fire-fueled passion.**

**Val: How poetic, you lovely angry mob.**

**Reader: Dude, your little banters at the beginning of these chapters suck.**

**Val: shut up. **

**...So, how badly do you want to pour acid in my eyes? Yeah, to be fair, I did say it would be a while, and plus I was legitimately busy with real life. But now I'm on break, so I can finally finish this chapter that's been half-done for ages. **

**And in case you were wondering, I'm done with Doctor Who. (until the new season comes out).**

**Read on!**

* * *

**_Since my updates are far and few between apparently, here's a nice recap of what just happened: _**

**_And here's what you missed _**_(on glee)_** _in the last chapter: Remus and Elsa have both been ditched by their respective dates on Valentine's day, Elsa thought Remus was dating Mary, but apparently not and Sirius got back together with Marlene._**

* * *

Attacked and Attacking

"And it just happened, I swear, it was like magic!"

I could punch Alice in the face.

"That's lovely, Alice, I'm glad you and Frank are together again," Remus said casually so I didn't have to.

"Yeah," I said through clenched teeth. "It's great."

We were sitting in the Three Broomsticks, waiting for James and Peter to come back with some butterbeer while Alice rambled on about Frank.

And as awkward as one would think it would be between me and Remus, it wasn't. Because that's just Remus.

I miss Sirius.

"Butterbeer all around!" James cheered, putting down three mugs.

"Miracle he hasn't spilled it all," Peter mumbled. "You didn't really have to run, mate."

James shrugged. "Keeps the blood flowing."

I rolled my eyes. "Just sit down."

"So, what shall we discuss this fine evening?" James asked, plopping down next to me.

"Frank and I got back together," Alice offered.

"I saw a bug on the way here," Peter said.

"WE WON THE BLOODY QUIDDITCH MATCH!" James shouted.

I took my hand off my ear. "Dear lord, James, was that really necessary?"

Remus nodded. "I think we actually had figured that out, Prongs."

"Yeah, but did the rest of the pub? You don't know if they were sleeping or ill or God forbid studying during the match," James said.

"Alright then," I said, "but if you just want to talk about all your incredible moves I think we should find something else to talk about."

James faked hurt. "Elsa!" He said dramatically, "how could you possibly imply that all I can do is talk about myself?"

"She's got a point, though, mate," Peter said.

"Too true," Remus added.

"Why don't we talk about my amazing commentating skills?"

The entire table collectively groaned.

Fine then.

Didn't want to talk with them anyway.

Bitter Elsa- 1.

What is this, a football match?

"Actually, I believe what's really on everyone's minds is Remus and Elsa, I mean what is going one between you two?" Alice asked.

Yeah, she's definitely getting it.

"Nothing," I answered calmly. "We're good friends. Right, Remus?"

"Yeah, good friends. Great friends. Fantastic friends. You guys are reading too far into this," Remus said.

"There you have it," I said.

James leaned over the table. "Then what is with this delightful sexual tension?"

Remus stood up. "-okay, James, time to go!"

"We should go," I agreed, finishing off my butterbeer and standing. "This is kind of getting-"

I was cut off by an ear piercing scream.

What in the fuck was that?

"What the bloody hell was-?"

"Get down!"

Remus had pulled me down behind the table just as a jet of light shot past my ear.

"Now don't panic. We've got training, we can get out of here, we take class for this, right?" Remus said.

Panic? Me? No.

This is my not panicking face.

Oh my god, we're going to die.

There was a whole commotion going on around us, and suddenly I was very aware that Alice, Peter and James weren't with us.

"Where are the others?" I hissed. "Remus, where are the others? What's happening?"

"I dunno, just stay calm."

Another spell nearly hit Remus and he turned to me. "We need to get out of here," he said very clearly. "We're clearly being attacked."

"No shit," I said, looking at the door, which was currently blocked off by two men in cloaks and masks like skulls.

"Remus! Duck!"

Sirius had found his way to Remus and I through the panic and grabbed Remus' shoulders. "Death eaters. We need to get out of here right now."

"I've gathered that!" I exclaimed. "Now please tell me just what the bloody hell you want me to do about it!"

Me in terrifying situations: absolutely no help.

Sirius looked round. "Where's James?"

Remus shook his head. "I dunno, okay."

"Remus, where is James? Where is he?" There was panic in his voice as he shook Remus by the shoulders. "Where?"

You know, usually Remus' calm dispostion is comforting, but right now I was going to snap his bloody neck if he said 'stay calm' one more time.

"I don't know," Remus said calmly. "What do we do?"

I grabbed my wand from where it had rolled off the table.

When life hands you lemons, blast that son of a bitch into pieces.

"Expeliarmus!"

One down, and it looks like about ten to go.

"C'mon!"

Sirius and Remus got up and followed me, shooting spells everywhere.

"Someone needs to get up to the school," I said. "Who can apparate?"

Remus looked at me quizzically.

Duh.

"I'll get Dumbledore," I said, before disappearing with a pop.

Yeah, definitely not panicking.

Especially not when my dumb ass forgets that you can't apparate inside Hogwarts.

I spent about five minutes figuring that out.

"Where's Dumbledore!" Sirius hissed as soon as I had disapparated from outside the gates and back to the Three Broomsticks.

"I can't apparate inside the bloody castle you idiot! Not here. That's where he is, alright, now we've got bigger problems!" I screeched back quietly. "Why are you whispering?"

"Elsa, sit down, right now," Remus said. "If they come back and see you standing, they're going to be angry. Just do what they say."

The Death Eaters had apparently gone to the back room and were searching for something and had warned anyone that tried to leave they would be cursed. On the spot.

That's why when the light came shooting at me I was pretty convinced of three things.

One- I was probably drunk.

Two- I was probably passed out on the couch.

Three- that must have been a hell of a party.

So why did everything burn?

* * *

"…well why exactly do you expect me to do that, Collins?"

"Because you're her brother, you moron!"

"She's not even conscious!"

"You're an arse!"

"I'm not going to sit here and listen to this. They warned us, and she got up."

"So you're saying it's her fault then?"

"No! I-!"

I blinked away the light that was trying to wake me and saw an unfamiliar ceiling. And Alice, hovering like the mother hen she is.

"What's going on?" I said, sitting up tiredly. "Am I in the hospital wing?"

Alice nodded. I noticed Raffie was next to her.

"We were at the Three Broomsticks. They cursed you. We thought you'd died. But then Dumbledore came and the Death Eaters apparated before he could catch them," Alice said. Raffie remained silent, and sat in the chair behind them.

"Well what happened then? To, you know, to me."

Alice did this weird kind of lip thing. "Well Madame Pomfrey was trying to explain it, but I think the best understanding is that it was kind of like a big shock. Like lighting hit you."

"So? But I'm better, yeah? Why do you have that look on your face? Alice, tell me. Seriously, what's happened?"

Raffie said it for her by handing me a mirror.

My hair was singed to the absolute bloody roots and my face was completely red. I glanced down and my arms were the same color.

"It'll go away in about a week. Pretty nasty burns. Shouldn't hurt though," Alice said. "As for the hair, Pomfrey tried but we can't make it grow any longer than that. She says you'll just have to wait for it to grow out naturally."

Now, I was going to start having a hissy fit, but I remembered that there was a fucking attack on Hogsmeade, so my hair was probably not first priority.

"Did anyone else get in the way?" I asked, crossing my fingers for the best.

Alice sat down next to Raffie. "A couple of standard broken bones and cuts, but nothing too major."

"How long have I been here?"

"About a day and a half," Raffie said. "That's why it's so empty. You should have seen everyone yesterday. There was a rumor going around that you'd become genetically mutated so about half the school showed up."

I smiled and was about to run a hand through my hair.

I suppose it's a good thing they'd all cleared out.

Because I just burst into tears.

"Hey, sh, it's okay, love, you're fine now," Alice said, taking my hand.

I shook my head. "I'm such a bitch!"

Oh that's great, Elsa. Wonderful help you are. The only answer you have to anything these days is 'I'm such a bitch'.

God damn it.

"I'm sorry, I'm just tired and hungry and frustrated," said, pulling myself together and wiping my eyes. "This is ridiculous."

"Don't worry about it, Elsa," Alice said.

I then noticed that Raffie had decided to leave. Great brother, that boy.

"Did my dad stop by?" I asked, once I had composed myself.

Alice shook her head. "No, sorry."

I felt my stomach drop. "Oh, no worries. Just wondering."

She smiled apologetically and handed me a block of Hogsmeade's finest chocolate. "Guess who it's from?"

I chuckled and broke a piece off. "I wish he wasn't so bloody nice."

Oh Elsa you dirty liar.

"James and Peter and Sirius all stopped by last night after dinner, too. They brought you some daffodils." Alice gestured to the pot of flowers on the end table.

"That was sweet of them," I said, "How'd they know daffodils are my favorite?"

Alice gave a sly smile. "Well, Sirius knew, of course."

"Really?" I squealed.

God I'm pathetic.

She nodded. "Yeah!"

We sat there giggling like a couple of twelve year olds until Madame Pomfrey followed in with a disapproving look.

Now don't think I wasn't tempted to stick my tongue out at her. But I didn't, because mature adults like me don't act like that. Ever.

Oh the irony.

"Miss DeLestrade, Mr. Potter and Mr. Lupin are here to see you," she said with a click of her tongue. "Can they come in?"

I nodded. "Go for it."

"Hey Elsa," Remus said, peeking from behind the curtain.

James followed in, with a booming, "Elsa, darling!"

I laughed despite myself and sat up a bit more.

"Thank you for the flowers," I said to James, "And thank you even more for the chocolate."

James grinned and sat across from Alice and next to Remus.

"Now are you two going to tell me what's with the incredibly ridiculous smile or do I have to guess?" I asked James, who looked like he was about five years old with candy.

Remus rolled his eyes. "He's just hexed Snape's hair bright green…." He trailed off awkwardly. "Sorry."

"What? Oh…" I reached up and touched my head. "It's not a big deal, right? I mean, it'll probably grow back eventually. I'll just be a troll for a couple of months."

"And a right ugly one at that," Alice said.

I threw one of my pillows at her. "Frank teach you that one?" I asked sarcastically.

Alice frowned. "Honestly, he's not that bad. He even asked me if you were alright, for your information."

"Oh well, that makes up for everything, then," I said.

"Really, are we going to have this discussion now?" Alice asked, tapping her foot. "You know he's really grown up over the past couple of months. He even remembered to take me out on a proper date last night."

"Your best friend was in the bloody hospital and you went out with your boyfriend?"

"I said he asked about you! He sounded genuinely concered!"

"Emotion? What a development for his pea-sized brain," James snickered.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I agree with James," Remus added. "Did you know that he spelled his name 'F-R-A-N-K-E' the other day?"

The three of us laughed as Alice sat and scowled.

"Maybe he's dyslexic or something," Alice snapped. "Do you regularly make fun of the disabled?"

"Hey guys, Alice is right," I said with a straight face. "Maybe he's got 'I'm-an-idiot-syndrome!"

"Or 'royal dumbarse disease'!" James suggested.

"Personally I think it's just stupidity. But official diagnostic stupidity, of course," Remus said.

I was practically in tears by the time Alice stomped out and Pomfrey told Remus and James to leave, both of them still howling with laughter.

And when it was dark, it felt like I'd never laugh again.

* * *

**Hold your horses, kiddies, it's Author's Note time.**

**So this was ridiculous, and I promise (...no comment) that I'll try to update more often. But thanks to everyone who has reviewed, favorited and/or subscribed. It really does mean a lot to me. :)**

**Oh and this chapter is now dedicated to _joanvindiesel _since they were my 100th FREAKING REVIEW! **

**Okay. Thanks for reading. :D**

**-ValFish**


	15. INTERMISSON

Since my updates are far and few between, here is a little INTERMISSION for you guys to catch up on what you've probably forgotten by now.

* * *

So we start out with a girl called Elsa DeLestrade and her family. Father, Devon and Raffie. Devon is the oldest, Raffie is the second, and Elsa is the youngest. Their mother died when Elsa was eight. Elsa's been working at an ice cream shop for the summer when she nearly misses the train because a rude cabbie drops her off on the wrong side of King's Cross.

Elsa is a loud-mouthed, take-no-prisoners kind of girl. She's got red-ish hair and grey-ish green eyes and is a bit on the heavy side.

Enter Alice and Lily. Alice Collins is Elsa's best friend and Lily Evans is not quite there, but good enough to share secrets with. They share a compartment with Mary MacDonald, who is quiet, but nice enough.

Enter Sirius Black and Bitchface McKinnon (Marlene). Dating, Elsa likes Sirius, hates Marlene. Pretty simple, yeah?

Back at school, Frank Longbottom calls Elsa a 'loud-mouthed whale' and Alice agrees (they're dating). Elsa overhears.

Now enter the rest of the Marauders. Elsa and James get along really well, she thinks Remus is nice and Peter gets forgotten. (typical)

Eventually Alice and Elsa make up. And all is seemingly well. Until Regulus Black asks Elsa out. Then he stands her up.

Classy move, Reg.

Elsa's pretty upset, but the Marauders (namely Remus) say it's all okay and that she should hang with them. After which Marlene breaks up with Sirius.

Enter the plan.

James tells Elsa and Remus they should 'go out' to make Sirius and his new girlfriend, Mary, jealous. They do.

For a while everything seems like it's going pretty well. Some mild adventures take place, the oncoming war scares the shit out of everyone, Alice's mum is killed, Devon is bitten by Fenir Greyback, and Elsa finds out that Remus likes her as maybe more than a friend. In addition to that, James almost lets it slip that Remus is a werewolf. Remus then thinks that James told Elsa and accidently tells her himself. She gets pissed he didn't tell her and they break up.

At the new year's party in the Gryffindor common room, Sirius, drunk, kisses Elsa and she realizes she has to apologize to Remus. They make up and then stage a fake-break up.

On Valentines day, Frank and Alice get back together and Elsa is once again left alone with Remus, who informs her that Sirius doesn't want to date his best friend's ex.

Later, there is an attack on Hogsmeade and Elsa is nearly killed. Escaping by literally the hair on her head.

And that's where act 2 begins.

Or this chapter. Whatever. Click the button, alright?

* * *

if I've forgotten anything major, please let me know and I'll add it in. :) Thanks!


	16. Troll Level

Reader: JESUS ROLLERBLADING CHRIST. an update?

Val: of course, what else would this be?

Reader: Really?

Val: Yeah, for real this time!

Reader: You still suck.

Val: Pretty much.

Hello all my dear readers and I do apologize for the agonizingly long wait on this chapter, but I vow that this story will be completed by the time summer ends. So here's the chapter. And it's on time. Read it and weep bitches, it's 11:29.

* * *

Previously (on Lost)- Elsa loses her hair in an attack on Hogsmeade. But Sirius brought her daffodils, so it's all cool. She thought.

* * *

Chapter 15: Troll Level

Let me tell you something about my life right now.

It's gone past downhill, off the tracks, in the toilet and straight into 'I'm completely fucked'-ville.

Population: me.

Basically if you took a whole truck filled with shit and dumped it over my mood it would probably improve.

It's ridiculous.

First off, I've had detention for three nights in a row because I haven't been completing my essay assignments. Not that I don't love scrubbing trophies, but let's be honest here, we don't need to polish "Qudditch co-captain of 1912" seventy times, do we?

Then there's the issue of my Potions grade. It's at the troll level and exams are coming up. Which means if I don't get an O on my exam, I'll turn into Frank Longbottom.

Oh and did I mention Marlene McKinnon is knocked up?

Sirius told me. Well, actually he told James, but I was around the corner.

Who's counting?

And besides, he told me about it (kind of) two days later, so no one has to know.

So that means I'm going to be officially Sirius-less forever. Because he'll have a kid with Marlene.

On the bright side, this means that Mar-mar can't call me chubby anymore. Although there's still Troll-Head, Lightning Lestrade and my personal favourtie, 'the idiot who didn't listen to directions'. Original, right?

I'm going to try not being a bitch about this and focus on my other options. Because I don't want to die alone. I know that sounds sudden and a little bit far in the future, but honestly, after last month I'm not so sure. I mean, I'm not tomato red anymore and my hair grew out to the point where I could put in some extensions if I wanted (so I could put my bloody hair up) but I haven't forgotten.

I've also been thinking about Remus way too often for my own good. I miss him sometimes. But he doesn't like me, and after our little romantic escapade, I'm done. So no Sirius, no Remus, absolutely no Peter and dating James would be like dating my brother. There aren't a lot of guys on my radar, clearly.

It didn't help that Alice has decided that she doesn't need to hang out with me anymore and in fact, Frank is more fun.

So that's when I went to James again for advice. That's generally an oxymoron, but James is the definition of it. Minus the 'oxy' part.

I found him half-asleep on the common room couch with a potions book.

"Elsa, darling! Still sporting a troll- er, I mean stylish pixie cut that really compliments the, er-"

"Shut it, will you?" I said, sitting in the armchair. "I've come for advice."

"Ah, concerning the matter of Padfoot, then. Unfortunately, love, I've got none to give. I'm still as shocked as you are."

I frowned. "Will you at least tell me where Lily is, then?"

James smirked. "In the library, third table from the front, second to the left."

"You're incredible creepy, you know that, right?"

"I prefer 'interested'."

"Whatever, James."

* * *

"Miss DeLestrade, may I speak to you after class, please?"

McGonagall never asks me to stay after class. Which is why my heart started pounding and I could feel the blood rushing to my head.

"Sure."

I sat in my seat next to Remus, who was looking like shit today.

"You wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, love?" I asked.

Remus smiled. "I hate to be picky here, but my bed is against the wall. If I woke up on the wrong side of the bed my face would be smashed in."

"Touche."

"Thought so."

I dug my Transfiguration book out of my bag, which, looking at it, could use either a wash or a replacement. It was burnt orange when I bought it, but it was a brown color now. Although, being late March, it would be a little pointless to buy a new schoolbag. It was already halfway through the second semester. I was pretty grateful for that.

"Today we will be discussing why Human Transfiguration is frowned upon in most wizarding circles. Recall that you had an essay months ago on the subject, so I expect a thorough explanation in this worksheet I will be handing out to you and your seat partner. This assignment is due at the end of class. In addition…"

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Does she ever take her hair out of that stupid bun? Or does it just stay like that all the time? I bet she sleeps in that thing. And the hat! What's with the hat? This is not the middle ages, I'm sure she could have gotten something a bit more suitable…

"Miss DeLestrade, can you tell the class what the second half of our assignment was?"

I probably looked like I was about to be run over.

"Yeah. I mean, of course. Professor. Of course, professor."

I looked at Remus helplessly. He slid over a piece of parchment.

"Yeah, er, we will be antaloping the reasons in a Venn diagram at the end of class."

"Antaloping, Miss DeLestrade?"

"Shit, er, I mean, sorry. We will be analyzing them," I said, partially through gritted teeth. "My mistake, Professor."

"Very well. You may begin."

I turned to Remus, who had a sly expression on his face.

"Your bloody writing looks like goblin shit on a page. I couldn't read a blasted word."

Remus sighed. "You know, if you only paid attention, we wouldn't have to go through this as often."

"What do you mean, as often?"

"I mean you drift off in class a lot. How are you planning on passing sixth year, exactly?"

"So I'm a little distracted-"

"Elsa."

"-it doesn't mean I'm not trying-"

"Elsa."

"-cause I am really actually trying-"

"Elsa."

"Fine. You win," I huffed, slinking back down in my chair. "I need a tutor, or something."

A lightbulb went off in my head.

"I've got it! You can tutor me."

Remus frowned. "No."

"Why not? You're good at everything."

McGonagall tossed the worksheet on to our desk. I read the first question. When I say 'read', I meant 'scan and hand to Remus'.

"Please?"

The look he was giving me said it all.

"Monday?"

"Monday."

* * *

"Miss DeLestrade, please have a seat."

I sat down in the chair across from McGonagall's desk and folded my hands in my lap like a was a good student.

"Can I ask what this is about, Professor?" I asked timidly.

McGonagall sighed. "Your going to fail my class if you don't start paying attention."

Well that was blunt.

"What are you talking about, Professor? I'm passing this class just fine."

Just talk your way out of this Elsa, just talk your way out of this.

"Miss DeLestrade, I cannot give you credit for assignments that Mr. Lupin completes for you."

I tried my best to look taken aback. "Complete for me? Why, Professor! Remus and I are a team! Partners! The other half of the puzzle! How on earth would he be able to complete our assignments without me? That would be cruel."

"While I find your acting skills rather amusing, Miss DeLestrade, I'm afraid I'm going to have to give you a detention for your grades. You and the Prewett brothers will be scrubbing the floor of the Great Hall tonight after dinner."

I paled considerably. "No, not those two! Professor, I'd honestly rather write lines, or polish trophies or scrub the toilets-!"

McGonagall put a bony hand up. "Off to class, Elsa."

I gathered up my bag and left out the door and was nearly to charms when I heard my name (partially).

"Why hello, Lestrade."

I turned around to face the two people I did not want to see. The Prewett twins. Now, most people have a hell of a time telling them apart, but I've figured it out. Gideon is ginger and Fabian is slightly more brunette. Simple as that. "It's DeLestrade. What do you want this time, Gideon?"

"Actually, I'm Fabian."

"And I'm Gideon."

I rolled my eyes. "Despite the fact that I know Gideon is the ginger one, you two are also wearing jumpers that have letters on them. It's a dead giveaway."

Fabian sighed. "Told you she already knew, mate."

Gideon shrugged. "Beats dying your hair again."

"That's true."

"Too true."

"Maybe we should tell Molly that we don't need anymore knitting."

"Mum doesn't even knit."

"I've survived without a homemade jumper before and I think I'll live once I grow out of this thing. I can pass it down to my little brother."

"I am not your little brother! I'm three minutes younger. What's the difference?"

"Three minutes."

"Smartass."

"Big nose."

"What's it like knowing everything?"

"Great, what's it like waking up and smelling the coffee? In Brazil."

I groaned. "Can I leave now?"

"Actually, we wanted to ask you if you planned on coming to detention. We figured with the way we've been serving time together me should just get in the habit of asking beforehand," Gideon said.

"Yes, I plan on coming to detention. Now, get to class."

"Like you can talk!" They said in unison.

Really, my life was better when I paid attention.

* * *

After a particularly painful charms session and a horrible dual-lecture from the overachiever brigade (Lily and Remus) I was finally off to lunch.

I was a little bit thrown off though when instead of my ass in my seat by my friends, Marlene was sitting there.

"I hate to be a bitch here, but that's my seat, love."

Marlene glared at me and pointed to the other end of the table where she had also banished Alice. "Not anymore, Chubs. Sirius and I are sitting together today."

"So? Take Peter's seat!" I pleaded, eyeing the chips that were on the plate in front of Marlene. "Sirius isn't even here yet."

She gave another look and I just decided to be a big girl and leave the damn side.

I plopped down next to Alice and immediately started bitching.

"Why does she think she can just take my seat? I mean, she and Sirius never eat lunch together. And when they do, it's on her side of the table."

Alice shrugged and took a bite of her sandwich. "Maybe now that she's preggo she wants to spend some quality time with her baby daddy."

I laughed. "No kidding. I'd hate to be Sirius. Imagine being tied down to that thing for the rest of your pathetic life."

"Yeah, and you know she'll probably make him do everything too. Wouldn't want to get a fingernail dirty, now would we?" Alice said in a squeaky Marlene voice. "It might ruin my make-up, too!"

"You know, you two should be careful what you say around us. We are Marlene's friends," Abbison Date said, nose in the air.

Marlene hangs out with your standard possy of mindless airhead-type bimbos you would expect her to. You've got Abbison Date (weird-ass name, right?), Rain Borneo, Tabitha Baker and Gigantor.

"A fourth year mini-marlene, oh Alice, I'm shaking in my boots. Abbs, I hate to break it to you, but Marlene hates me. I hate her. This is a mutually destroying relationship."

"You can't talk to Abbey like that, Troll-head."

Let me tell you something about Christina Everheart. She's a freaking giant. Not fat, like me. Just really big. She's been 6'1 since third year and honestly, she's one of the few people to scare me.

When I was just a puny little first year and she was a 'shit your pants' terrifying second year, I made a joke about her height. She punched me in the mouth so hard that two of my teeth fell out. She also got temporarily suspended from classes, but that didn't do much for me.

"Wont happen again, Christina. Sorry."

Alice and I left.

Because if there's one thing that ruins my day better than being hungry till dinner, it's getting slapped into next week.

* * *

Okay, review response time!

icecreamluva- why thank you! I plan on it, although it takes me a really long time.

LAZY- I know what you mean, haha. But I have decided to add in an intermission chapter that explains everything that's happened in the story so far.

Once again, thank you to everyone who keeps up with this story and I apologize profusely for my lack of updating. And I've got a question for you, too. After Laugh it Off is finished, should I keep writing about what happened to Elsa in 7th year and beyond?

oh, and the poll on my profile is still open. So you should vote if you haven't already.

Thanks!

-Val :D


	17. What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

So, I would imagine you all are looking at your screens in shock because I actually updated when I said I would! And rightfully so, because this chapter is WAY early. Thank God for insomnia, yeah?

Read on.

* * *

Chapter 16: What Could Possibly Go Wrong? (and other stupid assumptions)

"Elsa, how do you expect to pass potions if you don't study?"

I groaned from under my pillow as Lily started gathering up my books.

"You told Remus that you would definitely study if he tutored you. Elsa, are you even listening?"

I threw the pillow off my bed and sat up. "No, not really."

Lily dumped my books on my bed and stomped away. "Get yourself together! I don't want to have to monitor your detention again!"

"Buzz off, Lily, will you?"

I rolled back over and stared at the wall, hoping maybe it would melt away and I could fly out of school an into Hogsmeade.

Although, Lily did have a point. Having her watch me, Gideon and Fabian in detention on Friday was really horrible. When Remus has to watch us, he usually just reads a book while we muck around. Lily hovers.

Which also means we were done scrubbing in record time, but I didn't enjoy it as much. If one can even enjoy detention at all.

I guess that's why I got out of bed, got my goddamn books, went downstairs and mumbled 'sorry I'm late' to Remus.

"Not a big deal, now let's go."

"We can't just study in here?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"It's loud."

"Not right now it's not!"

"Because I said so."

"That is a terrible reason."

"It's a very good reason."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No, it's not!"

"Yes it is. Let's go. Now please."

I frowned but grabbed my bag anyway. "Fine, don't have a cow about it," I mumbled.

"I heard that."

"The hell you did."

"Stop it."

I decided to deal with the situation in the most mature way I could think of. I stuck my tongue out and followed Remus out of the common room. Unfortunately for us, we were stopped by Peter.

"Whoa, man, where are you guys going? I thought we were going to go watch Qudditch practice?" Peter said, clearly baffled by the idea that everyone had other plans.

Remus shook his head. "It's Monday. James doesn't have the pitch until tomorrow. So whatever he told you today is a lie and he and Sirius are probably off trying to woo some girls into shagging them."

"Twats," Peter mumbled. "Where are you two going then? Rekindling the love flame?"

I rolled my eyes. "You can't keep a flame if there's no spark to start with. Excuse us, Pete, I have to pass potions. Which means I have to do half the work on this project."

Peter laughed. "Good luck with that."

"Piss off."

"You piss off."

"No, you!"

"You."

"Both of you piss off each other, alright? Elsa, let's go," Remus said, breaking the intense argument. Well, intense for me and Peter.

"Fun killer," I mumbled under my breath. Why d'you have to stop every pointless argument that I have, huh?"

"Do I really have to answer that? You are seriously going to fail, Elsa. I don't know if this means anything to you, but believe it or not, one day you will have to get a job. And getting a job means that you have to have some form of decent education," Remus explained.

"I wish I cared."

"No you don't."

I was about to argue with that. But it was true.

"Okay, so maybe I don't. But I want to pass, at least. Well, kind of."

Remus rolled his eyes.

* * *

There are lots of things I don't expect to happen. I don't expect Marlene to be a good person, I don't expect that child to have a happy upbringing with the screaming match between Sirius and Mommy two flights down, I don't expect to be punished for actually doing my homework. Mostly I didn't expect that this little angel behind me would take such a liking to me.

Especially since the button of my jeans broke off and hit her in the face. And at first I felt really bad, but I guess this kid took 'I'm sorry' as 'be my best friend forever'. Which means I'm royally fucked.

"So you like Charms though?"

"Yes."

"But nothing else?"

Well, a certain boy and generally speaking, chocolate and tea, but not in school.

"Nope."

"How can you not! School is so fascinating and there's this really great book, it's called _Hogwarts: A History _and did you know that the ceiling is actually enchanted? I thought they just changed the paint every night but it's really magic! Magic is great. I used to be a Mugmle, but I'm a witch now. Except not many people talk to me because according to Melanie McKinnon, I'm a blabber-mouth. So now she just calls me Blabs, but that's okay because at least she talks to me, you know? I told her yesterday that if she didn't like me she shouldn't talk to me. And guess what? She stopped talking to me! It was a pretty low move if you ask me, but that's okay, I guess I'll make new friends soon, right? You'd know, I saw you and your friends before you nearly killed me with that button. The tall was so nice to me! No one is ever that nice to me! And the one with the spiky hair must have thought it was funny because I thought she was going to choke on her own spit! How disgusting is that? I know your friend Lily because once she told me it wasn't okay to run in the corridor and if I did it again she would have to give me a detention. I've never had detention. Have you? I don't think you would. You look nice. Are you nice? You seem nice. Anyway, like I was saying-!"

"Charity."

"-Lily's pretty nice and stuff and I asked her where the loo was once and she gave me the way to the girls toilet and not the boys! How wizard is that?"

"Charity, can I ask you something."

"Cause usually-. Oh, yeah sure. Shoot."

Shoot me.

"Do you usually talk people's ears off like this?"

Oh shit. No. Don't you fucking dare.

Is that a tear? Goddammit.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that," I said, trying to clear the air between me and the eleven-year old that apparently hadn't had anyone listen to her that long in a while. "I know how you feel. The McKinnon's are just generally bitches in general. Shit- I mean, darn, they are bad, bad people."

Normally I just pray for kids to go away when I start swearing and tell the teacher, but this one stayed. And I hate to admit it, but I kind of felt bad for her. She had hair the color of dirt and it was put into a braid that looked like more of a bird's nest than a hairstyle.

"Do you braid your own hair?" I asked tentatively, hoping to god she would go on another rampage.

"Yes," she said shyly.

I sighed. "This is going to sound rude, but do you know how to braid?"

Charity bit her lip. "Not really. My mom was going to teach me, but, she…"

I looked at the kid quizzically. "What?"

"She died over Christmas break and now I live with my Gran who's really old and wont teach me."

It was blatantly obvious to me that this was karma coming to bite me in the arse. Because this girl was living the life of first year me before I made friends.

"D'you fancy learning?"

I grimaced and braced myself for the answer.

"Yes, I'd love to!"

Oh Elsa, what have you gotten yourself into?

* * *

"It's really nice of you to look after Charity like that, Elsa," Remus said from across the table.

"Shut up and work on your half, will you? I am in way over my head," I mumbled.

Remus only smirked. "You think that she'll be gone by next week, don't you?"

I nodded. "I hope. She's a cute kid, but she knows how to talk."

"Don't kill me for saying this, but she's a lot like you, you know."

I sighed and put down the quill that had been writing what I thought were probably the wrong ingredients for Felix Felicis. "I know. It's uncanny, really. A McKinnon calling her 'Blabs', dead mother, miserable childhood, doesn't know how to make friends. I feel like I'm talking to mini-me times eight."

Remus laughed.

Damn that laugh.

"I think it's good for you. It'll force you into being a good person."

I threw a wad of parchment at his head. "I'm already a good person, you twit. What have you done for the world recently?"

"Well, I'm helping you, so that ought to count for something," Remus said. "And I convinced Sirius to stay with Marlene this afternoon. Although, I'm not sure how you'd see that."

I sighed. "I guess I'd rather see them miserable together than miserable apart. And it would be a pretty shitty move on Sirius' part to ditch his pregnant girlfriend. Yes, it does mean that we went out for nothing, but I had fun while it lasted."

"Me too. I kind of miss it, actually," Remus said quietly.

I looked up. "It sounds crazy, but it was nice."

I looked at Remus. He looked at me. We started to move in, and before I knew what the hell had come over me, I kissed him. Very briefly.

"What the hell was that?" I exclaimed, breaking away and wiping my lips off with my sleeve.

Remus faked gagging. "I dunno, you kissed me! What? Why would you do that?"

I shook my head. "I don't know! Why would you star getting all sentimental and mushy and girly?"

"This is completely bonkers."

"Completely. This didn't happen, agreed?"

"Agreed," said James.

I turned around.

"Fucking hell, did you hear all of that?" I asked.

James pulled up a chair and smirked. "I knew you two still liked-liked each other!"

"No. No. God, no. No offence, Remus."

Remus shook his head. "None taken, same to you."

"James, you can't just sneak up on people like that! How long were you standing there?" I asked bluntly.

"I came in at 'let's get to work on this bloody thing."

"So basically the entire damn time?"

"Pretty much."

Remus groaned. "Can I ask you a question James? Do you ever consider that maybe some, er, conversations, aren't meant for other people, or in some cases, the people themselves, to be heard?"

James thought about it for a moment. "No, guess not. You two fancy a stroll?"

"Get out!" I screeched.

Madame Stick-up-my-ass must have heard me because she peeked around the corner and told me to basically shut it.

"Do you think, maybe, that we could do this project later? I'm a little bit distracted," I said to Remus, who nodded.

"I think the common room isn't as loud as I thought it was."

* * *

"What's that doing in our dorm?" Marlene asked before I even walked through the door.

"What are you talking about? Oh, that. Er, let me deal with it. D'you mind?" I looked over at Charity, who was sitting on my bed with a stupid grin on her face.

"Er, Charity, how'd you get in here? You're kind of in Hufflepuff. Which means you can't get into the Gryffindor common room. Generally speaking."

Charity smiled and held out a piece of parchment. "Your friend Raymond let me in. He said to give you that."

I unfolded the note.

_I've let your little friend in and this means you have to be nice now. I've also managed to corner James into letting us have the keys to the storeroom in the basement of honeyduke's if your interested in going to Hogsmeade this weekend. Strictly platonic, of course. _

_Have fun._

_-Remus_

I'm going to kill Remus next time I see him.

"You mean Remus?" I asked and sat next to Chairty on the bed. "What'd you tell him?"

"Nothing, actually. He just asked me if I was looking for Elsa and I said yes and he let me in."

"That was nice of him," I said through partially gritted teeth.

Charity looked confused. "How do you know how to braid hair if your hair is so short?"

This was going to be a long night.

* * *

Review response time! Yay!

LAZY- your very welcome. lol.

DarkViolets- for some reason my computer wouldn't let me send you a reply, so here you go. :) I'm so happy you got the oatmeal reference. :D I was wondering if anyone caught that. And there will be no need for the terrifying gingerbread men, thank you.

icecreamluva- I do that too. lol. Thank you!

Anyway, I shall see you next week! I will complete this story. Even if it kills me.

which it might.

-Val


	18. Serious Business

HOLY UPDATE BATMAN!

So this update was supposed to be in honor of the harry potter opening, but I'm 15 minutes late. So if it's still the 15th in your timezone, here you go!

and a side note as well, if you saw it, what'd you think, and did anyone else read the article in Time magazine about fanfiction? It talked about it like writers were a whole different species. :P

* * *

Chapter 17- Serious Business

"Have you ever been to Rome? Rome's nice. My mum took me there for Christmas two years ago. We saw a bunch of stuff, it was like Roman Hogwarts! Just a bunch of old stone and lots of people everywhere. Our tour guide was really old, kind of like Professor McGonagall, don't tell her I said it, except she didn't have a funny hat and she wasn't as mean. Don't tell her I said that either. I don't think she's that mean anyway. Just a little harsh sometimes. One time she gave me a T on an essay that I worked three weeks on and it was pretty upsetting but I got over it. But that was before I was a witch. I hate that term. How come the boys get to be wizards but we have to be witches?"

I sighed and adjusted the bag over my shoulder. "I don't know, Charity. I don't know."

Ever since I had started being nice to the kid, she had followed me around like a puppy. The only time I managed to get away from her was during class. She even sat next to me at dinner tonight.

James and Peter and Remus were all laughing at me. Although to be honest, any excuse to kick James in the shin is one I'm game for.

"Well, some teacher you'll be!" Charity huffed, pouting until I answered back.

"I don't want to be a teacher. I'd like to be a, well, I don't know."

It hadn't really occurred to me until now that, in fact, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I guess the list of 'good' careers was overshadowed by the fact that I'm not suited for any of them.

Auror- I'd fall flat on my arse trying to run away from a fight.

Curse Breaker- too much thinking.

Healer- has anyone seen me ever make a successful potion?

And that pretty much covers the three things that most people seem to be interested in taking as a job. Although I'm not sure that all my friends even fit into these. Let's see. Alice could be a curse breaker, I think she'd like that. Lily would be a healer. Of course. I'd say James and Sirius would go the auror path, considering the glory that comes with it. I'm not sure where I'd put Remus. Maybe a teacher or something less manly and more compassionate.

Thank god it's not seventh year yet.

"Elsa!"

I turned around and saw Sirius running towards me. I shooed Charity off and fixed my hair a bit.

"Hullo Sirius," I said, attempting to sound completely relaxed. "What's going on?"

"You will never believe what I just saw!"

I looked at him desperately. "Well, what is it?"

Don't be something stupid. Oh please god I miss the drama.

"I saw Professor Jones and Madame Rosmerta snogging in Hogsmeade this morning! They were snogging! _Snogging_!"

I stared at Sirius for a moment. "You just ran from Hogsmeade, to tell me that you saw Jones and Rosmerta snogging?"

Sirius nodded. "Yeah. What's the problem?"

I couldn't hold back my smile. "Oh, nothing. Have you seen Remus lately? I was supposed to give him my half of the potions project today, but I couldn't find him."

Way to kill it, Elsa. Every bloody time you talk to Sirius you end up talking about Remus.

Just hang me.

"He's probably sleeping. Tonight's the full moon. You didn't notice he wasn't in class this afternoon?" Sirius asked.

"Guess not. Anyway, what were you doing in Hogsmeade on a Tuesday anyway? Sneaking out for no reason again?"

Sirius grinned. "Just had to pick up some supplies and stop over at Zonko's. I've been told Minnie leaves her classroom door unlocked at night."

I frowned. "Who's Minnie?"

"McGonagall. She called me Sirius and not 'Mr. Black' the other day so I've started calling her Minnie. I like it. It's quite catchy if I do say so myself."

"I think it suits her," I agreed.

He shrugged. "What can I say? Who was that first year following you?"

I bit my lip. "Honestly, I could write a book on who she is just from the two days she's been talking to me. Her name is Charity Burbage, she is 11 years old, going to be twelve on the thirteenth of April, is muggle born, has a cat named Santana and loves to knit. She's also taken to following me around."

Sirius laughed. "That's awful, but it's nice of you to talk to her. She looks like she doesn't have any friends."

"That's the problem," I mumbled. "I'd feel guilty telling her to piss off."

"At least you have a good conscience then," Sirius pointed out.

"I guess," I sighed. "Anyway, it doesn't matter, she wont remember me come next year and it'll be normal again. Well, one can hope."

"I doubt normality is in the picture anymore, Elsa," Sirius said. "Did you hear about all the muggle killings that have been happening lately? Voldemort. He's rising."

I felt the lump in my throat move, but my lips stayed still.

"I know it sounds melodramatic now, but Alice's mum has already died. Who's to say it won't be us next?"

I tried to lighten up the mood a bit. "Considering actually being serious now, Sirius?"

He smiled and meddled with his hair a bit. "I do it quite often, and people are always surprised."

"I think I know that by now," I said, "It feels like most of our conversations are actually legitimately serious. The war, my mum, your brother- it's all fun and games here!"

Sirius laughed again and sat in a nearby windowsill. "Well, it's nice having someone to talk to that doesn't automatically think I'm either hitting on them or trying to get some laughs."

I felt my heart drop a bit, but smiled anyway. "I'm glad. Not to be nosy or anything, but how are you and Marlene? I heard you guys fighting yesterday."

Sirius sighed. "Honestly I love Marlene, but sometimes she can be a bit of a bitch. The hormones aren't making it any better either. It's a bit scary, really, about to be a father at 17. Sometimes I don't think I'm anymore than a child myself."

"If you can say it then maybe you've grown a bit, then," I concluded.

I knew I should be happy. I'd just spent ten minutes talking to Sirius. But all it did was make my self esteem crawl back farther into the little cave it likes to vacation in.

* * *

With the general grim mood in the castle over the recent murders it seemed as though everyone I knew had grown up at least two years, including myself. I hadn't said one snarky thing to Marlene, and vise versa, all day.

I tried to cheer myself up by skipping first period, but all I got were ten points deducted from Gryffindor and a lot of nasty looks from my housemates.

Then I decided to sit next to James in Charms class, and while it was a riot, as he charmed Sirius' hair to fall out, I am now clueless as to what our 'very important end of the year project' is. I figured Remus would probably know.

Things started to look up when Alice and Frank had a little disagreement in the hallway, but it ended with a makeout session that Sirius himself would have been embarrassed to witness.

When all that failed, I took my lunch hour to go visit Remus in the hospital wing and tell him that I'd successfully completed our project. Which I was rather proud of, in fact. All we had to do now was complete the practical portion of it. Which Remus would be doing. He says I've 'set his hair ablaze for the last time' every time we work. I say, if it bothers him that badly, then he can do it himself.

Madame Pomfrey let me in without a fuss this time, and I was pleasantly surprised to see that Remus was completely conscious and reading a book. That would be an oxymoron for anyone else, but for some whacked-up reason, Remus likes to read.

"Hi there," I said, seating myself in a chair across.

Remus looked up from his book. "Did you turn in the project?"

"What, no 'gee, hi Elsa, how are you?' 'oh, I'm fine' 'great, I'm quite lovely myself'?"

Remus chuckled. "I wasn't aware that was how our conversations usually went."

"Well where the hell have you been the past six years, then?"

"Waiting for Pomfrey to let me out of here, it feels like," Remus sighed.

"Yeah, I mean you look pretty good for someone who's just recently turned into a wereworlf. You still look like shit, but it's a good kind of shit."

"Oh, so I'm good-looking shit?"

"No. Don't even go there, man. Do you not remember the library?"

Remus blushed and I'm pretty sure I felt my ears get red.

"Unfortunately."

"What do you mean unfortunately?" I asked, slightly outraged.

"I just mean, never mind. Ignore me."

Quick, think of something uplifting to say.

"I skipped first period today."

Damn.

He shook his head. "Honestly, Elsa. Did you really have to? No? I didn't think so then. Muggle studies is an important class. It educates you."

"I thought that was the purpose of every class! Why should I treat this one any different?"

"I dunno, maybe you'll be some kind of muggle relations officer, or maybe you'll live in London. It's all important stuff to know, then isn't it?"

"First of all, no. And no. I'm completely content without knowing how to use a lawn mower," I retorted.

"Merlin help us all if you're ever groundskeeper."

"Merlin help me if I am."

Remus snorted. "I actually don't think I can imagine that."

I laughed. "I can't either. Oh, and I was wondering, do you know what our ridiculously important project in Charms is? I sat next to James today."

* * *

"Please! I just need one! That's it! Completely done after that, I promise!" I was practically on my knees in front of the Prewett twins, who seemed to be unsure about the essay I was requesting.

I'd nearly forgotten that I was supposed to turn in a defense against the dark arts essay tomorrow for Professor Airhead and while she may be dumb, she isn't dumb enough to fall for 'I'm pretty sure it was Mary's cat' excuse. I don't even know if that cat is still alive.

"We'll see what we can do, but it's kind of short notice," Gideon said.

"A whole scroll on defense? It's a lot of writing for just ten galleons," Fabian agreed.

I rolled my eyes. "Come on, it's not like you guys write those essays anyway. You pick on harmless first years- You know what, never mind."

I turned around and strode out of the Gryffindor common room. I needed to find Raffie. My guess was he would be at the pitch practicing, but all I needed was the Hufflepuff password.

Once I was out there, it occurred to me that Charity might not even be in the common room. Of course, I hadn't talked to Raffie in two weeks, so I figured I should drop by anyway. No matter how inconvenient.

I climbed up into the commentator's stand and grabbed the mic I was so familiar with. I cast the charm on it and yelled.

"RAPHAEL DELESTRADE!"

Raffie was scared shitless, apparently, because next thing I knew he was plummeting towards the ground.

I screamed like a ten year old and ran down from the stands faster than I knew I could run onto the pitch. My heart was pounding in my ears and I was trying to replay what had happened over and over in my head.

When I reached Raffie he was already surrounded by a cloud of people and I pushed my way through.

After finally making it to the front, I saw a pretty terrible sight.

I'd never felt more guilty.

* * *

Uh oh! Cliffy! Sorry guys, I hate them too. :( No review response this time, but I do have a question for you-

Do you think the next installment of this should be seventh year only or seventh year and beyond? OR, for a real twist, should I put seventh year in this story? or do you have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about? Because that's okay too.

Thanks for reading!

-Val


	19. The Way it Was

So just to warn y'all, this chapter is an angst-fest of epic proportions. But Elsa is seventeen and teenagers tend to be angsty people.

Disclaimer: not mine. it's all Rowlings. except for elsa. she's mine, so don't steal.

* * *

Chapter 18: The Way it Was

When I was nine years old I had a really tough time dealing with the death of my mum. It didn't seem fair that other kids could go home and talk to their mums whenever they wished and I couldn't. I was jealous. Insanely jealous.

I used to come home and cry about the horrible things the other kids would say to me and no one was there to listen.

I never had a mum to talk about boys with or teach me how to do my makeup or my hair or tell me that having a period was perfectly normal. No, instead I had a dad and two older brothers who were busy all the time.

Devon talked to me a lot more than my dad ever did. I thought it was because he hated me. Devon said I just looked like mum too much. That hurt me more than anything. I used to cry a lot.

When I got to school I didn't make friends instantly. In fact, the only one that ever said hello to me in the hall was Lily Evans. Which doesn't really count because Lily said hello to everyone.

I was horribly lonely and quiet and I thought if the wall could stay with me forever maybe everyone would forget I was there.

Then I got in that fight with James Potter and things started to change. Alice became my best friend and people suddenly regarded me as funny and obnoxious. But I couldn't help but wonder what it would all be like with the mask off. If anyone would see behind the smile.

No one did, but I started forgetting about my mum and my brothers and my dad and soon I was as happy as I pretended to be. I was so good at lying to myself that I convinced me that my life was as perfect as it could get.

In third year we had a dance. It was a huge deal. Everyone got nice clothes and a date and went into the Great Hall and had a lovely time.

I sat in my dorm and cried.

Every story I have ends with me crying.

I just have a knack for it, I guess.

I could hardly feel the tears slipping down my cheeks now.

I'd lost track of how much time I'd spent in the hospital wing when someone tapped me on the shoulder.

It was Remus, with an apologetic smile and a chocolate bar.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

Remus didn't say anything back, but he did hold my hand until Madame Pomfrey came around the corner.

"Miss DeLestrade, I'm sure you know you will be punished for your actions, but Raphael is going to be fine. He's broken his back and it will take a while to heal, but he's fine," Pomfrey said sadly.

I was about to ask if I could see him but she put her hand up.

"He'd also mentioned that he doesn't want to see you at the present time, dear. I'm sorry."

I bit my lip and couldn't say anything.

Instead I got up and left, running straight into my dad.

Let's review here.

I was fucking _attacked _and my father didn't even send me a letter.

Raffie fell off a broomstick.

I suppose it was partially my fault, but that's not the point here.

"Elsa Marie, I'm incredibly disgusted by your behavior," he spat at me. I stared at him; this was completely unexpected.

"I know it was bad, but it was an accident-"

"There have been too many accidents around you lately! You've been failing your assignments, leaving the house in the middle of the night at breaks, drinking," (he seemed to ignore my 'but I'm of age' interjection) "not to mention gallivanting around with your friends while your brother could have died! By your fault! How do you think your mother would have felt about this?"

I stood silent and bowed my head.

"Do you honestly think she would have patted you on the back and said 'we still love you'? You think she would condone acts like this? Because she wouldn't! You're getting way out of control," dad said.

I bit my lip. "I'm doing better in my classes."

"The hell you are! You've been slacking! I get letters from your professors! They say you aren't up to your abilities. That you are going to fail. Your mother wasn't a failure-!"

"Mum is _dead_. In the ground, long gone and buried whatever you want to call it. I am not a failure," I said, trying my best to keep my voice steady. "I'm trying my best, okay? I just have things that need to sort out…"

"Elsa, you can't pretend your problems aren't there, alright? That's what you always do. And you always manage to screw it up. You put your family in danger today. Raffie could have been killed! Where were you? Where was your head?"

"Well where were you two months ago when everyone else thought I was dead?" I said calmly, "Where were you when I fell off the wall in second year? Where were you when I asked what was wrong with me? Huh? When I was at mum's funeral? Where were you? Where were you? I needed you and you let me down! So don't you fucking tell me that I'm a failure. Maybe I'm not the best daughter, but I'm sure as hell going to be a better parent then you."

My father looked angrier than I'd ever seen him. "Elsa Marie DeLestrade how dare you. You think that standing there acting like an immature _bitch_ is going to change everything?"

The words were cutting me like knives. I wanted to grab them and slice my own neck. This wasn't Marlene or Regulus Black. This was my father.

"Your mother-!"

"I AM NOT MUM!"

My vision was blurry from the tears that had welled up in my eyes.

I saw the hand before it hit my face.

My father had smacked me. Hit me.

"You're right. You're a disgrace to her."

With that he turned around and fled into the hospital wing while I stood there speechless, waiting for the tears to fall.

I saw Remus, who had poked his head out from behind the hall, with his jaw slack. I couldn't even look at him.

Instead I booked for the lake.

* * *

I don't know why I'm not crying. I should be bawling my eyes, cursing, cussing yelling 'fuck you' to every goddamn thing that floats in my path. I don't want to be sitting here, acting calm as all hell when I really want to punch someone in the face and scream and cry.

My dad has never raised a hand to me or my brothers. Ever.

I feel like shit.

I don't even know what to do.

I guess deep down I knew it was all true. I was an absolute fucking disgrace to my mother's memory.

The words 'immature bitch' kept playing in my thoughts and I tried to push it out, forget ten minutes ago ever happened.

I decided this little adventure was going nowhere and that the best thing I could do would be to go back upstairs. It was getting dark anyway and I'd already missed dinner.

I held my head down when I got back inside the castle and followed the endless flights of staircases up to the Gryffindor common room. It was only then when my cheeks felt hot and my eyes stung.

And to top it off, I have no idea what the password to the common room is. They were going to change it.

Maybe if I wait long enough someone will come by. Preferably someone I don't know or care about.

"Elsa, darling there you are!"

Fuck. Just fantastic.

James ran up the last few steps and noticed my tears. Now, there are two things that James would normally do in these situations.

Run for Remus.

However, I was surprised when he instead asked me gently, "Are you alright?"

I shook my head. "R-Raffie fell off his broom and nearly died and it was my fault and my dad h-hit me," I managed to spit out. "And I've f-forgotten the password, s-so if you w-would b-be s-so k-kind."

James looked at the Fat Lady, who was snoring rather obnoxiously, and yelled "OI!"

She shook awake and glared at the boy in front of her.

"Next time don't be so rude about it!"

"Gillyweed!"

The portrait swung open and I was delighted beyond belief that James had been the one to find me because the first years sitting on the couch didn't argue when he told them to 'piss off'.

I'm sure we'd be hearing about that one from Lily later.

"Oi, Prongs, where the bloody hell have you been? Peter and I have been sitting up here for a half hour waiting- Elsa, love, what happened to your face?" Sirius asked, getting up from his spot on the floor in front of the fire.

"D'you get trampled by a herd of hippogriffs or did you attempt to do your makeup again?" Marlene said from the floor.

James gave her a nasty look and Peter moved away from her.

"I know it's really hard for you M-Marlene, but if you wouldn't mind j-just this once, s-stay out of my f-fucking business," I said to her.

"Are you going to let her talk to me like that?" Marlene asked Sirius.

"Yes," he replied offhandedly. "Seriously though, your face is completely red!"

I reached up to feel the cheek my father and slapped and winced. I guess he got me pretty hard.

I wiped under my eyes, hoping that it wouldn't look like I was crying.

"It's not a big deal," I mumbled and sat down on the couch. "It's fine. I'm fine."

I am definitely not fine.

"See Sirius, she's fine," Marlene said.

Sirius turned around. "Would you please shut up? Or better yet, go away?"

"Fine," Marlene hissed, "but don't expect any favors from me."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Who did that?"

I covered my face in my hands and didn't reply. How could I?

"Elsa, who did that?"

I peeked over my fingertips and saw that James looked torn between telling Sirius and giving me the option to.

"My dad," I whispered, and immediately regretted saying anything.

Sirius' face fell a thousand kilometers.

I figured that it wasn't a good thing.

So I went upstairs and sat in bed for the rest of the night, unwilling to cry, unable to think.

* * *

When I woke up it was barely light out.

That doesn't happen to me. I'm not a morning person. If the clock isn't already in double digits, then I'm not interested.

Never the less, I dragged my sorry arse out of bed and popped in the shower.

Afterwards, looking in the mirror, I realized just how horrible I looked. My eyes had bags under them and my hair was lying dead and limp on either side of my face. I looked exhausted.

If I thought it could have been fixed by sleep I would have crawled back into bed, but I knew this was the kind of tired that didn't go away easily.

This was the tired that was like me at a chocolate shop.

I sighed and brushed through my hair anyway, not bothering to put on makeup.

I thanked the heavens it was also Saturday. So I could do whatever the fuck I wanted.

I'll have to keep that in mind when I sulk.

"Elsa, are you up already?"

I turned around to see Mary rubbing her eyes.

"Obviously," I said coldly.

"Sorry," she mumbled. "You know it is only five thirty, right?"

I nodded. "Dunno what possessed me to get up."

"Oh," she said quietly.

Congratulations, Mary, you have now just won the award for the most pointless conversation ever.

Downstairs was equally as quiet and I assumed that it would be safe to say that no one would be bothering me down here.

"Elsa?"

Fuck it.

"Morning," I replied casually.

If anyone tries to bring up one single goddamn thing from yesterday I will hex them into next week.

Sirius sat on the couch next to me.

"You feel any better?"

That's it. That's just fucking it.

"Yeah, loads. It was stupid of me to be upset in the first place. I'm over it. Completely over it. Fantastically over it. Definitely over it. I don't even know what you're talking about over it! So over it that I don't remember anything. If anyone asks me about it, I'm going to say 'what' because that's how over it I am."

I was starting to sound like Charity rambling on and on.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "You don't really sound like your over it."

"Well what are you doing downstairs this early in the morning in the first place!" I yelled.

Sirius cringed. "I figured no one else would be down here. I was wrong, I guess."

"You could have run upstairs as soon as you saw me," I suggested.

"Or I could have dashed out the door," Sirius added.

"Hid behind the couch."

"Under the table."

"Could have tried to blend into the wall."

"Or I could have sat down next you and tried to actually talk with you…" he trailed off.

"I'm not too keen on talking about it, honestly Sirius. So what if I'm an immature bitch? I'll get over it, right? Maybe I am a disgrace to my mother. I'm reckless, stupid, irresponsible. I let bad things happen to other people. Raffie could have died. And it's not like when I could have died because dad obviously wouldn't have cared if that would have happened. He doesn't talk to me or write to me anyway, what's the point? I'm obviously better off being rejected, yeah? Oh Lord."

I felt the tears forming, but I bit them back.

Sirius looked at me sadly. He was clearly torn between saying something and walking away.

"None of that's true."

I shook my head. "No it is. I'm so caught up in my own miserable disposition that I shove other people out of the way in the process."

"I don't think so. You make other people happy, Elsa. You're funny. You're a good friend."

"You wouldn't say that if you knew," I mumbled, sniffing.

He looked confused. "Knew what?"

"I'm a liar. Probably the biggest one you'll ever know."

* * *

So it was kind of a depressing chapter, eh? Yeah. For real, I need to quit with the teenage angst.

Review time!

Hollyistoolazytologin- I love your name. lol. I hope you enjoyed the movie (I've already seen it twice :P) and I because of the mix in opinions, I'm not sure what I'm doing for year seven. Thanks for reviewing, though!

DarkViolets- Well, I got a little carried away writing this chapter anyway, so I think my fingers might fall off any second. So that's covered. Haha, thanks for reviewing!

So you guys were coming from all sides of the board on where to put seventh year and beyond, but I've got a couple of ideas here.

1. Put seventh year in this story, make a new story for the little awkward space before Lily and James die and a bit beyond that, and then possibly (I say possibly now) do whatever else wraps up Elsa's story. Which is quite elaborate in my little mind.

2. New story for seventh year, then beyond in one story all together. (leaning towards this as most likely...)

3. New story for seventh year, new story up till Lily and James die, then new story for the decade between that and where Sorcerer's Stone starts, then finally a story for all the book years.

4. GTFO. You have gone far enough with this character.

Anyway, if you've managed to read through this, good for you! And thanks for reviewing (hintcoughhint)!

-Val


	20. optional AN

Hey guys, Elsa here. And Val hates to do this so soon after she got back into regularly updating, but this is bad.

First of all, she started a new story. (dumbass). And she's focusing on that, right (selfish bitch). So she wrote chapter one, all la-di-fucking-da and then she realizes she has to update Laugh it Off this week. (because I'm more interesting than whatever the hell else she could possibly be doing).

So she drags her lazy ass to her other computer, puts the other story on it with a flash drive and apparently this was a bad idea, because her computer screen went black. She didn't think anything of it and just touched the trackpad. Problem solved. So she starts typing. (dumbass, again)

so she had FOUR new chappies typed out, right, and was all set to put them up and everything. her computer then decided it would be perfectly acceptable to crash and she (foolishly) thought she had turned auto-save on. yeah, well turns out she hasn't saved Laugh it Off since around, oh, I dunno, March. So that puts me back in Chapter 13.

But that's not the worst of it.

Today she was so bored she could have cried so she decided to put on her big girl panties on and just re-write the chapters, which she managed two of, and then get this- microsoft word 'unexpectedly' quits. She was beyond angry at this point. (think that time I punched James in the nose)

Then her best friend called to tell her that not only was she scheduled to leave for her exchange program soon, but that she would be leaving tomorrow. And forgive the melodrama, but her other best friend is moving across the country as well. And just her luck, same day. (swear to god this is like a teen drama movie.)

So you can imagine her frustration with everything right now.

she is incredibly sorry to have to put this story on hold for another week, but until she can look at her computer without wanting to chuck it across the room and get herself out of the emotional wreck that she is, she can't. (*eye roll*)

Val and I send our regards.

-Elsa

PS she's debating putting up the other story. But she can't even open Microsoft word without getting pissed off. (anger management, issues, I see. We should take a class)

PPS she doesn't remember exactly what happened in the deleted chapters. So they're just going to be more angst. She can't write happy right now. (Hold up- so I have weeks worth of my life missing? Fuck this.)

PPS Can you tell her week has been shitty? (I can, she won't shut the fuck up about it)

PPPS she's sorry she's ranting to the internet. she just didn't want to leave you hanging.

PPPPS feel free to kick her if she hasn't updated by this time next week. (and by kick I mean just bug her a lot, it'll get done)

PPPPPS god damn post script notes. Thanks for reading.

(PPPPPPS don't hate because I had to use Elsa. I felt like this was stuff that would happen to her, too. -Val)

NEXT CHAPTER:

Elsa loses her nerve, someone loses their life, and Sirius loses his girlfriend.


	21. Breaking Point

A/N I am so sorry that this was so late, but my life is kind of a wreck right now and I'm grounded and I've been in a horribly pissy mood lately so I didn't get much time to write.

Disclaimer: I don't fucking own Harry Potter, obviously.

* * *

Chapter 19: Breaking Point

I swear to Merlin I was going to tell him. Just spit it all out and finally admit to everything.

All that came out of my mouth was "I have to pee."

What was worse was the fact that the conversation had been so, forgive me, serious. I was being serious about everything. So was Sirius.

'I have to pee.'

Good one, Elsa.

I decided to write to Devon instead of moping any longer because not only have I forgotten about the Quidditch match we have this morning, I also promised Remus I'd go to hogsmeade with him.

_Dear Devon,_

_ I dunno if you've heard, but Raffie fell off his broomstick. It was my fault, I was yelling at him but I didn't mean it, honest. And dad was horrible about it. He said some… things. Raffie won't even see me._

_ His back's broken, but Pomfrey says he'll be fine._

_ I'll just spit it out then. _

_ Dad kind of slapped me. And called me an 'immature bitch'. Which I am, lord knows. But he can't say it, can he? He's my father!_

_ I don't get it, Dev, what's the point of being furious with me? Why is everyone?_

_ I'm more miserable than ever. I'm sure you understand that. I hope nothing's been too horrible for you lately. _

_ I've got to go, but please write dad for me. _

_ Love Elsa._

After I'd finished the pathetically short letter and sent it off with Christopher, who was thrilled to finally have a job, I realized I really did have to pee and practically ran down the steps to the bathroom on the sixth floor.

And while I was washing my hands, I heard the strangest thing.

Marlene. Crying.

I thought this was a little weird because Marlene doesn't cry. I don't just mean she's tough or anything, I mean I don't think she ever cries. Not without a Sirius problem. And if it's a Sirius problem, she would be angrily crying. This sounded really horrible.

I feel bad for her.

You should ask what's wrong.

Don't do it.

Don't be an ass, Elsa.

Don't do it.

Maybe you can help.

Don't do it.

Just knock on the door and say something.

Don't do it.

"Marlene? Are you alright?" I nearly chewed my lip off waiting for an answer.

And then she opened the door.

"I…"

Merlin, she looked like shit. I don't think I'd ever seen Marlene without makeup and perfect hair and tidy clothes. She was a wreck.

"I l-lost…"

"Yes?"

"I-I…lost the baby," she whispered.

I couldn't hold in a gasp. I felt my heart drop a thousand feet.

"Oh my god, Marlene, I…"

I'm not sure why I hugged her, honestly. I hate her guts. I really do. The first day of first year, she knocked the books out of my hands while we were walking to our first class. And then she stood over me and called me 'hippo' while I tried to pick them up. Things got even worse when I became friends with Alice.

I guess they were friends before I was in the picture.

Not to mention she's known I've liked Sirius for a long time. And he is her boyfriend. Honestly, if I were Marlene, I would have punched me in the face a while ago.

But here I am, hugging the girl I swore I would push off a bridge at the first available chance. And I have never felt this horrible for anyone in my entire life.

"You c-can't tell S-Sirius," Marlene said, pulling away. She wiped the tears from under her eyes. "I don't know if I can."

"I wouldn't. I won't. As long as you don't tell anyone about this," I added.

Marlene smiled slightly. "Okay. I'm sorry, Elsa." She hugged me.

I gave her an awkward pat on the back and turned to leave. "You need anything?"

She shook her head. "If anyone asks, I'm sick."

I left the bathroom with one last glance back at Marlene, who was still crying. I felt horrible. Maybe even more so than yesterday. And even more horrible as I thought about it. I mean really thought about it.

This was probably for the best.

It made me feel sick thinking about it, but I knew deep down it was probably true.

* * *

"COLLINS! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE BLOODY DOING TEN MINUTES BEFORE A BLOODY MATCH IN THE BLOODY COMMON ROOM! GET YOUR ARSE DOWN TO THE BLOODY PITCH BEFORE I BLOODY KILL YOU!"

I'm pretty sure anyone in the castle heard James in full-out Quidditch captain mode.

"I'M BLOODY WELL COMING DOWN RIGHT BLOODY NOW! IS THAT BLOODY GOOD ENOUGH FOR BLOODY YOU?" Alice mimicked.

James looked like he was going to blow up.

"NOW!"

Alice and I watched him stomp down the stairs as we followed at a leisurely pace. "I swear he'll be the death of me," Alice mumbled.

I tired to manage a laugh, but I couldn't stop thinking about Marlene.

"Elsa? Are you alright? I mean, you're being awfully quiet. I hope your still not thinking about your dad, I mean, that'll be sorted out eventually, right?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry. That's it," I replied half-heartedly. I'm not sure how the hell I'm going to comment on this game.

"Really lucky that Marlene's knocked up, eh? I mean, I didn't think I'd ever get a chance to play seeker! Not with that bitch in the way."

"Alice, knock it off. Don't call her that," I said.

She stopped walking. "Why? You've been calling her 'bitchface' since third year! God, you're so gloomy lately."

"Gee, I wonder why?" I muttered.

By the time we got to the pitch, I couldn't hear myself think over the screeching McGonagall and James gave us.

"GET READY RIGHT NOW!"

"I TRUSTED YOU TO BE MORE RESPONSIBLE!"

We both said our apologizes and I climbed the stands to my booth, which didn't look as friendly as usual.

"And welcome to today's match! Gryffindor vs. Hufflepuff! Ironically enough, folks, both of our seekers are out today. On the Gryffindor we have Collins, Black, Prewett, Prewett, Vance, and filling in for Collins filling in for McKinnon, Longbottom. And Gryffindor team's captain, James Potter! On Hufflepuff we have Kilpatrick, Smith, Robinson, Bones, Mitchells and filling in for DeLestrade, Thomas! And Hufflepuff's captain, Avery Anderson!

Looks like a good match so far. The quaffle has been tossed! And Potter takes off with the quaffle, he's zooming past Kilpatrick there, and he passes to Prewett, Prewett passes to Longbottom and dear lord he's dropped the quaffle. Kilpatrick picks it up and passes to Robinson and he's headed for the goal, looks like this time he's got it- ten points to Hufflepuff! Better luck next time, Emmeline!"

This was one of the longest fucking Quditch matches ever. The game went on for about two and half hours, and by the time it was finished, my voice was practically gone.

Gryffindor won, as per usual and I wasn't interested in listening to a play-by-play recap from James who I'd already reminded that that was actually my job during the match and I didn't need to hear it from him again.

So I decided to skip whatever celebrations were going on afterwards and go up to my dorm to get ready for Hogsmeade even though the better half of me wanted to crawl into bed and never come out. Apparently Sirius had the same idea.

I tried to move faster, because with my blabber mouth I didn't want to let spill what Marlene had told me this morning. It'd go great. 'Oh, hey Sirius, did you know your girlfriend miscarried? Yeah, phew, that was a close one, right? Did you enjoy the match?'

"Elsa! Wait!"

I sighed and turned around. "Yes?"

"You never told me anything."

No shit, Sherlock.

"I decided not to."

"Why? I thought we were friends."

"Oh, alright, if we're such good friends then, why don't you tell me something about yourself. Do you care or are you just trying to screw me over? Because I don't have to deal with this," I said icily.

Be angry for no reason. He'll go away.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Okay not working.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm going to be honest with you Sirius. Brutally honest. You're kind of giving me mixed signals here."

"Elsa, I still don't get it," Sirius said.

It's now or never. May as well blow up while given the chance. I took a deep breath and started pouring my heart out.

"I mean, first you want to talk with me, say it's all alright, and then you don't look me in the eye for weeks at a time. It's bloody confusing! You send me flowers but never come to visit. All we ever talk about is Remus! Remus! He's not here, is he? No, I didn't think so. You know why? Because he doesn't want to get involved with this. Let's face it, I'm a pain in the ass, alright? I get it. You know you kissed me, while you were drunk on New Year's?" I couldn't believe I was actually saying all of this. Judging by the look on his face, neither could Sirius. I continued anyway, "and I ran off to Remus because I felt bad about him. I was worried because we were together. I realize that was a huge mistake after you told me that he really liked me and don't you understand? You broke my heart with every word! 'Remus really likes you' and 'he's lucky' what does that mean? I don't care anymore. I just don't. Remus and I were never even together! It was all a lie! I don't care!"

Sirius stared. "I don't-!"

"I'm BLOODY IN LOVE WITH YOU, you arse!" I raced up the stairs without another word, but not before I saw Remus staring up from a flight down.

Shit.

* * *

Reviews!

- pretty much. lol. And life is never going to get off my back at this rate, but thanks! :)

LileDupre- I did. And it's no longer paused! Yay! Thanks for reviewing!

Hi- Yeah, I'd like to apologize for the cussing. Elsa has a potty mouth. Unfortunately I do too. :P

Kj- Here you go!

So feel free to kick me for that uber long wait. And until next time, goodbye!

-Val

PS- thank you to everyone for the well-wishes! It's hard, but I'm being a baby about most of my problems right now. Hopefully I can man up sooner or later. :P

PPS- I'm posting a new story tonight called 'into the night' which is REMUS/OC so y'all should check that out. If you want. *cough* Thank you.


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